Monday, May 28, 2018

It's Summer all year!

Remember summer break as a kid—-how excited you were to ride your bike around the neighborhood, slurp a snow cone, or climb a tree? Well, summer fun in the Philippines never stops because here is Summer all year and it doesn’t need to stop because you’ve grown up either! Go ahead, rediscover the wonder and excitement your inner kid has been screaming about (you might even adopt a new hobby in the process). 

Not Just for Kids: Summer Toys for Grown Ups Too!

There’s something for every inner kid on this list: Year-round Sled: If you’ve ever been ice-blocking, you know a great time can be had by propelling your body down a grassy embankment while trying to balance on a cube of ice. Unfortunately, as we age, our bodies become less agile and more prone to ice-blocking injuries. Enjoy a safe version of this kid classic with Hammacher’s year-round sled. With two frozen ice inserts, this toy blends ice blocking and sledding into one convenient (and comfy) alternative to straddling an ice block. Get yours on Hammacher.com for $49.95. 

Water Fun: 
Long gone are the days of surprising a sibling with a clear, single-action, neon-colored squirt gun filled with tap water. Today’s blasters are full-fledged arsenals of pure soaking power. Wage a water fight and spend a weekend in the backyard with Nerf’s storm series. We recommend the battery-powered Lightning Storm blaster ($20 on Amazon), which boasts a super-sized water drum and detachable blast shield to block incoming water attacks. 

Pool Floats: 
Few summer activities beat a lazy day of floating in the pool or on the river. Today’s floats are a major improvement over yesterday’s old-school inner tubes. For family-friendly floating fun, check out Intex’s River Run II side-byside float tube ($38 on Amazon). The River Run II features a durable mesh bottom and shareable cooler. For larger groups, a family-friendly option is Swimline’s 4-person Shockrocker ($70 on Amazon). 

Three-Day Escapes: Summer’s Best Weekend Getaways

Bed and Breakfast Weekend: If you’re looking for a fresh way to travel, try booking at a B&B. You’ll save on the ticket price of your lodging and enjoy a complimentary hot breakfast before setting off on your adventure. With personalized service, cozy comfort, and sharing common areas with friendly co-travelers, staying as a guest feels less commercial and more like home. Get off the beaten path and ask your hosts for tips on the best local fare or must-see area attractions. Find your B&B at www.bnbfinder.com. It’s a national database loaded with searchable recommendations listed by state. The site also publishes travel deals and discounts for those with flexible travel plans. 

Take Back the Camp: 

Get back to nature by taking the family camping (and remember to leave your smart phone, iPad, and laptop behind). Few experiences bond families together like time spent telling stories around a campfire—-just don’t forget the marshmallows! For an easy weekend, pick a camp site less than a few hours away, load up the car, and go. Whether you rough it in a tent or rustic cabin, realsimple.com offers a downloadable camping checklist to simplify packing. 

Tour a National Park:

 When planning your summer weekend escape, look no further than your own backyard. With nearly 400 national parks, the United States boasts one of the most impressive (and affordable) vacation alternatives. Take a guided hike, photograph wildflowers, or soak up some U.S. history. Many parks offer affordable lodging alternatives and field classes for the whole family. Entrance fees are affordable—-even free on select weekends. The National Park Service website, www.nps.gov, features tips and event details across the country so get out and explore the nation’s backyard. From Alcatraz to the Appalachian Trail and Lewis & Clark to the Everglades, fill your tank and get set for your next family adventure without breaking the bank.

I love any of these fun Summer things to do when you are on a tight budget. For Daniel and me, we prefer going to a nice resort. We are getting old and a little spoil in our old age.  

Con amor,
Vero

Sunday, May 27, 2018

The most overlooked threats to a marriage.

I feel bad for marital communication, because it gets blamed for everything. For generations, in survey after survey, couples have rated marital communication as the number one problem in marriage. It’s not.
Marital communication is getting a bad rap. It’s like the kid who fights back on the playground. The playground supervisors hear a commotion and turn their heads just in time to see his retaliation. He didn’t create the problem; he was reacting to the problem. But he’s the one who gets caught, so he’s sent off to the principal’s office.
Or, in the case of marital communication, the therapist’s office.
I feel bad for marital communication, because everyone gangs up on him, when the truth is, on the playground of marriage, he’s just reacting to one of the other troublemakers who started the fight:
1. We marry people because we like who they are. People change. Plan on it. Don’t marry someone because of who they are, or who you want them to become. Marry them because of who they are determined to become. And then spend a lifetime joining them in their becoming, as they join you in yours.
2. Marriage doesn’t take away our loneliness. To be alive is to be lonely. It’s the human condition. Marriage doesn’t change the human condition. It can’t make us completely unlonely. And when it doesn’t, we blame our partner for doing something wrong, or we go searching for companionship elsewhere. Marriage is intended to be a place where two humans share the experience of loneliness and, in the sharing, create moments in which the loneliness dissipates. For a little while.
3. Shame baggage. Yes, we all carry it it. We spend most of our adolescence and early adulthood trying to pretend our shame doesn’t exist so, when the person we love triggers it in us, we blame them for creating it. And then we demand they fix it. But the truth is, they didn’t create it and they can’t fix it. Sometimes the best marital therapy is individual therapy, in which we work to heal our own shame. So we can stop transferring it to the ones we love.
4. Ego wins. We’ve all got one. We came by it honestly. Probably sometime around the fourth grade when kids started to be jerks to us. Maybe earlier if our family members were jerks first. The ego was a good thing. It kept us safe from the emotional slings and arrows. But now that we’re grown and married, the ego is a wall that separates. It’s time for it to come down. By practicing openness instead of defensiveness, forgiveness instead of vengeance, apology instead of blame, vulnerability instead of strength, and grace instead of power.
5. Life is messy and marriage is life. So marriage is messy, too. But when things stop working perfectly, we start blaming our partner for the snags. We add unnecessary mess to the already inescapable mess of life and love. We must stop pointing fingers and start intertwining them. And then we can we walk into, and through, the mess of life together. Blameless and shameless.
6. Empathy is hard. By its very nature, empathy cannot happen simultaneously between two people. One partner must always go first, and there’s no guarantee of reciprocation. It takes risk. It’s a sacrifice. So most of us wait for our partner to go first. A lifelong empathy standoff. And when one partner actually does take the empathy plunge, it’s almost always a belly flop. The truth is, the people we love are fallible human beings and they will never be the perfect mirror we desire. Can we love them anyway, by taking the empathy plunge ourselves?
7. We care more about our children than about the one who helped us make them. Our kids should never be more important than our marriage, and they should never be less important. If they’re more important, the little rascals will sense it and use it and drive wedges. If they’re less important, they’ll act out until they are given priority. Family is about the constant, on-going work of finding the balance.
8. The hidden power struggle. Most conflict in marriage is at least in part a negotiation around the level of interconnectedness between lovers. Men usually want less. Women usually want more. Sometimes, those roles are reversed. Regardless, when you read between the lines of most fights, this is the question you find: Who gets to decide how much distance we keep between us? If we don’t ask that question explicitly, we’ll fight about it implicitly. Forever.
9. We don’t know how to maintain interest in one thing or one person anymore. We live in a world pulling our attention in a million different directions. The practice of meditation—attending to one thing and then returning our attention to it when we become distracted, over and over and over again—is an essential art. When we are constantly encouraged to attend to the shiny surface of things and to move on when we get a little bored, making our life a meditation upon the person we love is a revolutionary act. And it is absolutely essential if any marriage is to survive and thrive.
As a therapist, I can teach a couple how to communicate in an hour. It’s not complicated. But dealing with the troublemakers who started the fight? Well, that takes a lifetime.
And yet.
It’s a lifetime that forms us into people who are becoming ever more loving versions of ourselves, who can bear the weight of loneliness, who have released the weight of shame, who have traded in walls for bridges, who have embraced the mess of being alive, who risk empathy and forgive disappointments, who love everyone with equal fervor, who give and take and compromise, and who have dedicated themselves to a lifetime of presence and awareness and attentiveness.
And that’s a lifetime worth fighting for.
This post originally appeared on DrKellyFlanagan.com
Con amor,
Vero

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Theme for my book

Today I thought came to me to write a story around Christmas time because it comes every year and no one wants to be alone during this time of the year. In the Philippines Christmas starts in the fall around September 1st. This story I am writing takes place around Christmas.

Christmas is also the time of the year when I think of the birth of our Savior. This the time when we want to share it with loved ones. Families gather together. You hope for a gift or give people gifts to make them happy. This is my favorite time of the year and it's one time when people think of giving and making things right.

This Christmas, once you have the peace that Christ spirit brings, it is all you need to feel true joy.

Con amor,
Vero

Friday, May 25, 2018

What to avoid in an interview

To my soon to be graduates out there, here are the “Top 10 things not to do in an interview.”
From showing up late to forgetting a copy of your resume, to accidentally calling your potential boss by the wrong name, there are a lot of things that can go wrong in a job interview. While most hiring managers are willing to overlook these and other minor mishaps, there are some things they won’t forgive.
CareerBuilder recently released a survey of the biggest interview mistakes employers say job candidates make – both in terms of overt behaviors and in the signals their body language gives off – that can be instant disqualifiers. Do yourself a favor and avoid making any of these common behavioral or body language mistakes in your next job interview.
The Top 5 Job Interview Behaviors to Avoid 
Mistake #1: Lying. It should go without saying that lying during an interview is a huge no-no. Yet, candidates still do it, and when they get caught, it’s enough for 66 percent of hiring managers to immediately remove them from consideration. 
Mistake #2: Answering a cell phone or text during the interview. One of the fastest ways to lose favor and ruin a job interview is to answer a call or text in the middle of it, according to 64 percent of hiring managers surveyed. Understandably so. Checking your phone during an interview sends the message that you don’t take the interview seriously and shows a lack of respect for your interviewer and his or her time. Take temptation out of the way entirely by turning your phone off or silencing it before you start the interview. (Don’t simply put it on vibrate, either. That’s not fooling anyone.) 
Mistake #3: Appearing arrogant. Appearing arrogant or entitled is an instant disqualifier for 59 percent of hiring managers. While you should be ready and able to discuss your professional accomplishments and what makes you stand out, there’s a fine line between boasting and bragging. Frame your big wins in the company's overall success: your impressive sales numbers attributed to the company's biggest year in earnings, for example. Also remember that no one owes you a job, no matter how well qualified you think you are. Remember your manners and show them that you appreciate their time with a simple but genuine “thank you.” 
Mistake #4: Dressing inappropriately. Wearing clothes that are too tight or too loose, too dressy or too casual, or wearing brands and logos in professional settings is a bad sign, according to 49 percent of hiring managers. But before you accuse your interviewer of playing fashion police instead of interviewing you about your skills, remember why they even care about your appearance: They're evaluating your judgment and how you'd appear to customers. Do you show you can fit in with company culture? Are you there to bring professionalism to the organization? Dress the part.
Mistake #5. Blaming others for your mistakes. Nearly half of hiring managers (48 percent) are completely turned off by a candidate who appears to have a lack of accountability. Oftentimes, interviewers ask about difficulties you’ve encountered in the workplace -- from a conflict with a co-worker to making a mistake on the job -- in order to assess your ability to overcome challenges and learn from them. But if your answers involve placing blame on others without taking any ownership for your own actions, it can be perceived as a lack of maturity and self-awareness, as well as an inability to work well with others. 
The Top 5 Body Language Mistakes to Avoid
Mistake #1: Not making eye contact. Two thirds of hiring managers (67 percent) say that failing to make eye contact is one of the biggest body language mistakes job candidates make. This could be because not looking someone in the eye can appear as if you’re trying to hide something and are therefore untrustworthy.
Mistake #2: Refusing to smile. Failing to smile is a major concern among 39 percent of hiring managers. Aside from giving off the impression that you’re cold or standoffish, not smiling also tells hiring managers that you’d rather be anywhere else. Who wants to hire someone who doesn’t want to be there?
Mistake #3: Playing with something on the table. One third of hiring managers (34 percent) have witnessed a candidate playing with something on the table during the interview - and they aren’t having it. Not only is it completely juvenile behavior, it shows a complete lack of interest in the interview - and disrespect for the manager’s time. 
Mistake #4: Fidgeting too much in your seat. Is there some place more important you have to be? This is the message you send hiring managers when you fidget too much in your seat - and why 32 percent of hiring managers will seriously reconsider you as a potential hire. 
Mistake #5: Crossing your arms over your chest. Did the interviewer say something to offend you? Is someone forcing you to be there? Are you pouting because someone stole your snack pack? These are the messages you might be sending with your arms crossed over your chest. It’s no wonder 32 percent of hiring managers find this gesture off-putting.

 Con amor,
Vero

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Our gifts

My thoughts on the subject of gifts:

Today would have been my father's birthday. He was a man with so many gilts but especially as a businessman. What is the most special gift a person could ever receive? I think no question is the gift of the Holy Ghost we received when we are baptized and that is one gift he unfortunately didn't have.

Can this gift be the same for each human being on this planet or is it and individual thing? How we relate to the Holy Ghost is an individual thing but the Holy Ghost is probably the same to everyone.

Do we all hope for the same things or is each gift given by God taylor maid to each person just like there are so many different traits and characteristics unique in each one of us. I think each one of us receives special gilts more known as talents that are different for each person.

Is there a gift you want and hope for so much that if for some reason you didn't get it, it will devastate you or can you be at peace with what God has granted you with. In this case a gift is more like a wish. There are wishes that don't come true like preventing a divorce from happening, or a child who strays from the correct path.

Can you be happy with the gifs you already have or are you always looking for more? Are you ever satisfied with the gifts given to you or not? We should find out first what gifts we already to improve them and then look for some more.

Co amor,
Vero


Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Things you can control

I got this from who knows where but I think if worthy of a share:

Things you can control:

Your Beliefs
Your attitude
Your thoughts
Your perspective
How honest you are
Who your friends are
What books you read
How often you exercise 
The type of food you eat
How many risks you take
How kind you are to others
How you interpret situations
How kind you are to yourself
How often you say I love you
How often you say thank you
How you express your feelings
Whether or not you ask for help
How often you practice gratitude
How many times you smile today
The amount of effort you put forth
How you spend or invest your money
How much time you spend worrying
How often you think about your past
Whether or not you judge other people
Whether or not you try again after a setback
How much you appreciate the things you have.
Con amor,
Vero

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

El Salvador

From May 10th to May 20th, I went to El Salvador for Paola's homecoming and it took me two days on different flights to get back home. My mom came with me on the flight back and  I stayed in Orlando the night of the 20th.

What an amazing experience to have been there that one Sunday on Mother's day with my mom and welcoming Paola. She gave such a good talk that people were in tears and I wished I had invited more of my friends. I had a to do list that got done including a visit to the craft market. I wished I had bought more things to give as souvenirs but it will have to wait for next time in two years because I hope to come back in 2020 to celebrate my 60th birthday.

They say that when there is a will, there is a way and this trip to El Salvador all the way from the Philippines is proof of that!

Con amor,
Vero


Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Writing activity

When I was visiting Bianca we went to see Sally, a family friend who is also a writer  and teaches writing. She asked us to write something starting with I and this is what I wrote:

I stand between two worlds. Two continents and Societies. I move back and forth from one end of the world to another just to see my babies and grand babies because I am a mother first and foremost.

I have seen, touched, heard and felt every emotion in the book from true joy to heart wrenching despair but somehow my joys were the only ones that matter.

I am a middle age woman who has experienced most anything and find joy when I am surrounded by family.

I live far away but somehow I have managed to get away to come home even when that may take up to two days.

I think of my grown children, and my heart aches because I fear for the precarious time we are living today.

I long for those days when you din't have to worry about so much devastation around the world and so much unhappiness, but today it feels good to be back with my love ones.

I will soon return to my other home,  a home that no longer is because that nest is now empty.

Con amor,
Vero

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

No, not everything in life happens for a reason

When people tell you that you have some important lesson to learn from your suffering, politely tell them, “No, I have something important to teach.”

“Everything happens for a reason,” I am often told. Though millions believe this, I do not think it is true.  Trying to bring sense and order to random suffering and injustice is like expecting to see a Rembrandt or Monet in a pool of retch, another inevitable human byproduct. This primal urge to find meaning in everything is grounded in an ungodly appetite to control everything. 

However, God’s plan was not that he (or we) would control everything but that, through agency, most everything would become out of control. Consequently, accepting the randomness and injustice of life is part of accepting God.

I cringe nearly every time I hear someone say that “everything happens for a reason.” I cringe whenever I hear someone say God gives us trials so that we can learn from them. Do you know how that sounds to someone who hasn’t eaten a normal meal in three years and lives on a feeding tube? Do you know how that sounds to someone who has seen countless, innocent children dealing with the terrible fallout and aftermath of sexual abuse? It’s ridiculous to think that a good and just God would want any child to be sexually abused. It’s offensive for me to think that God intentionally deprived me of food for three years just so “I’d learn my lesson.

I never thought about that phrase: Everything happens for a reasonbecause good points were made in that essay. Thanks for sharing. 

Con amor,
Veronica

Monday, May 7, 2018

Why I love to dance

I am sharing an article I found fascinating! 
“Without music, life would be a mistake”, said Nietzsche, and he wasn’t entirely wrong because we have a natural instinct that leads us to follow the rhythm of the music. In fact, most children move and clap their hands when they hear a song they like. It is a spontaneous response related to our need to communicate and express our emotions through movement and the body.
There is no doubt that music is a universal language and everyone, except the people who suffer from amusia, is able to appreciate and enjoy it. In fact, it was discovered that people of different cultures react emotionally in the same way when listening to different types of music. So it is no coincidence that anthropological studies indicate that groups who were more likely to survive were those who had developed a particular dance and were able to share their feelings through dance.
Of course, music and dance not only serve as social glue, but are also very useful for our physical and mental health. Recent studies revealed that one of the keys to happiness and satisfaction is right on the dance floor.
Steps that heal, movements that make us happy
In 2013, psychologists at the University of Örebro realized an experiment with a group of teenagers who suffered from anxiety, depression and stress, in addition to presenting psychosomatic symptoms such as neck and back pain. Half of these were asked to attend two dance classes a week, while the rest continue with their daily routine. 
 After two years, those who continued to attend the dance classes (where emphasis was on the pleasure of the movement rather than performance), not only showed a significant improvement in psychosomatic symptoms, but also reported to feel happier.
In another study conducted at the University of Derby, the psychologists worked with people who were suffering from depression. These people received “salsa” lessons for a period of nine weeks. The improvements began to be appreciated after four weeks and, after finishing the course, the participants said they had fewer negative thoughts, better concentration and a greater sense of peace and tranquility.
But the truth is that dance is not only an excellent therapeutic resource. A study at Deakin University revealed that dance has a very positive effect on our daily lives. These Australian researchers interviewed 1,000 people and found that those who were dancing often not only reported feeling happier, but also more satisfied with their lives, especially in relationships, health, and the goals achieved over the years.
Interestingly, also the psychologists at the University of New York discovered a similar effect in children. These researchers worked with 120 children, aged 2 to 5 years old, who were exposed to different types of sound stimuli, some were rhythmic and imitated the rhythm of the music, others were completely arrhythmic. They could appreciate that children who were moving following the rhythmic movements showed more positive emotions and felt happier. Therefore, these researchers concluded that not only we have a tendency to move to the beat of the music, but also that dancing improves our mood.

Why dancing makes us happy?

When we dance our brain releases endorphins, neurotransmitters that create a feeling of comfort, relaxation, fun and power. Music and dance do not activate only the sensory and motor circuits of our brain, but also the pleasure centers.
Indeed, neuroscientists at Columbia University say that when we move in tune with the rhythm, the positive effects of music are amplified. Therefore, a little secret to make the most of the music is to synchronize our movements with the beat, so we will double the pleasure.
However, the magic of the dance can not simply be reduced to brain chemistry. Dancing is also a social activity that allows us connect with the others, share experiences and meet new people, which has a very positive effect on our mental health.
What’s more, as we move, our muscles relax to the music, which allows us to free ourselves of the tension built up during the day, especially the one accumulated in the deepest part of the musculature.”
And that is why I love to dance!
Con amor,
Vero

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Thursday, May 3, 2018

AT the Pulpit

I am lucky enough to own a copy of the book “At The Pulpit” This is what an article said about it: “At the Pulpit” is a book of Latter-day Saint women’s discourses over the past 185 years which has made waves in the world of Mormon scholarship.  Bearing the Church Historian’s Press’s prestigious [and orthodox] stamp of approval. It is a monumental work both in terms of the intriguing content (a range of diverse Latter-day Saint women’s voices delivering powerful, spiritually moving witness and exhortation) and impeccable editing (detailed, carefully referenced introductions providing context and insight into the author’s personal perspective).
This is a review of At the Pulpit from a non-scholarly point of view. I appreciate the book as an impressive work of history, but also find it inspiring for my personal religious life. Here I will highlight just three reasons why At the Pulpit should be on the shelf of every LDS home.
1. Stories You Never Heard Before About People You Know
Sometimes I feel as if our “cool stories about early Mormons” run a little ragged because we have only a few and so are telling them over and over again. Well, here are more stories about all the people you know and love! Joseph Smith! Emma Smith! Eliza R. Snow! The book begins with a memorable account of Lucy Mack Smith exhorting a group of Saints in 1831 as they huddle at the edge of a frozen Lake Erie, wanting to travel south from New York to Ohio, but hindered by the solid ice.
Lucy charged the Saints to have “confidence in God.” She said: “And now, brethren and sisters, if you will, all of you, raise your desire to heaven that the ice may give way before us and we be set at liberty to go on our way, as sure as the Lord lives it shall be done” (5). According to her account, just as she finished speaking, “a noise was heard like bursting thunder, and the captain cried out, ‘Every man to his post!’ and the ice parted, leaving barely a pathway for the boat” (4).
Other accounts of early church history, such as the account of the first Relief Society meeting in Nauvoo (“We Are Going to Do Something Extraordinary,” Emma Hale Smith, Nauvoo 1842-1844, pages 11-14), put the reader “in the room where it happens.”
2. Women’s Wisdom has a Long Shelf Life
Reading At the Pulpit is like sitting down in a room full of incredible women and absorbing their good advice. The historical distance (sometimes over a century) does not prevent me from being inspired by their ideas and experiences. Many of these women endured serious difficulties and challenges both physical and spiritual. Their perspective gives strength. For instance, in 1906 General Relief Society President Bathsheba W. Smith (1922-1910), who had endured mobs in Missouri, been a founding member of the Nauvoo Relief Society, and presided in the temple as the Salt Lake temple matron, gave a rundown of the Plan of Salvation in a nutshell. She said,
Briefly the constructive parts of the plan of salvation are these: What man is, God once was; what God is now, man may be; the glory of God is intelligence. Nothing can be annihilated and no act lost. It is impossible to be saved in ignorance. The Spirit of God, which is the Holy Ghost and the Comforter, surrounds us and pervades the universe, and is the medium by which we may receive the inspiration of God toward intelligence and through which it is our right to receive comfort; and finally that faith, hope, and charity are necessary for divine grace, but that the greatest of these is charity! (100)
As a frequently frazzled mother of four kids, it is nice to hear a deeply experienced woman teach about what she had found was most important.
Lucrecia Suarez de Juarez (1896-1998), speaking in 1972 in Mexico, offered a beautiful parable about a young mother who “set her foot on the road of life” (179-180). It is so lovely that I cannot reduce it to a summary, but what struck me about it was the way in which, as things became more difficult and as challenges arose, the mother’s joy and satisfaction increased as she taught her children to face these difficulties:
Dawn came and in front of them there was a hill; the children climbed and became tired, but she kept saying to them, “Be patient and in a little while we will reach the top.” When the children arrived, they said, “We would never have made it here without you, Mother”; and while the mother rested happily that night, looking at the starry skies, she said, “This day has been better than yesterday, because my children have learned to have strength in the face of difficulties. Yesterday I gave them courage, and today strength.” The next day there came strange clouds which darkened the heart—clouds of war, hate, and wickedness—and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said, “Look up raise your eyes to the light.” The children raised their eyes, and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory which guided them and carried them beyond the darkness. That night the mother said, “I am happier than the other days, because I have taught my children about God.” (180)
This is just an excerpt from this beautiful parable which everyone in the Church ought to read and cherish, but it spoke to me in the midst of a dark time in my own life, when I felt that I might not live long enough to teach my children all I wanted them to understand. As I reflected on Sister Suarez de Juarez’s teaching, I felt reassured in her observation that children do learn from difficulties and challenges. I felt her conviction that the hard work of parenting will indeed make a difference, day by day.
3. Perspective on Generational Change Within the Church
Finally, At the Pulpit gives us some much-needed historical perspective on religious truth and generational change. I currently have many LDS friends who say that they—or a son or daughter, or spouse—are in the middle of a faith crisis. As technological developments quicken the pace of social and cultural change worldwide, particularly among the younger generations, will the Church be able to adapt? Is adaptation a good idea? At the Pulpit suggests that the current “crisis” of shifting cultural assumptions is not unprecedented, but par for the course. A 1934 discourse by Elsie Talmage Brandley (1896-1935), geologist and apostle James E. Talmage’s daughter, gives insight into how members of the Church dealt with a similar crisis nearly a century ago.
Brandley’s talk, “The Religious Crisis of Today,” wrestles with contemporary (1930s) debates over religion in American society between fundamentalists and modernists. Fundamentalists supported a worldview in which literal interpretation of the Biblical text was the authoritative source for all truth, including truth about the physical world. Modernists supported a worldview that integrated recent scientific frameworks, including scientific explanations for the age of the earth, the formation of the physical world, and so on. These two views clashed. Was the earth around 6,000 years old, as the Bible said, or billions of years older, as suggested by the best scientific evidence at the time?
The increasing authority of a scientific framework in popular culture was earthshaking for many Christians, including Latter-day Saints, because it seemed to challenge the authority of Scripture and longstanding religious teachings. Elsie Talmage Brandley’s talk tackled these issues fearlessly. She argued that Mromonism was a revelatory religion, uniquely suited to keep pace. To a gathering of young men, young women, and their leaders in Salt Lake City’s Assembly Hall, she declared:
To deny the fact that we are facing a new day is to close our eyes to the world about us; to prove ourselves blind and deaf to sights and sounds so significant that an intelligent mind not only must admit them but must integrate them into the shifting, colorful pattern which is life just ahead. With the passing of every generation emphases shift, certain problems give way to others, answers change with the changing times. In view of the amazing progress and drastic change of the past century it is easy to see something of the reasons why problems have become more acute and less easily soluble by old methods of discipline and pronouncement.
These observations are absolutely relevant to the early twenty-first century, which has seen just as much “amazing progress and drastic change” as the early twentieth. There have been dramatic breakthroughs in physics, microbiology, information technology, women’s rights, and so on.
Brandley’s optimism as she called on Latter-day Saints to be open to new insights and new ways of seeing the world is eye-opening, especially when you consider that people of her vintage are now very senior citizens. Born in 1896, Brandley was my age when she addressed the youth of the Church in 1934. Among the youth of the Church whose future she hoped to expand was a 10-year-old Russell M. Nelson (born in 1924). Brandley’s open view helped to shape a Church in which both modern science and the Scriptures were valued. This Church culture of embracing new understandings about the universe and human biology was certainly a favorable environment for a smart, curious boy and eventual pioneering heart surgeon who is now the new prophet.
Younger members of the Church sometimes view older leaders as having always been “old” and unable to relate to their concerns. But in truth, older leaders have participated in many generational shifts and cultural changes. The talks from At the Pulpit help us to see how church leaders in every generation, including wise and inspired women, have wrestled intelligently to maintain Mormonism’s distinctiveness, founding revelations, and prophetic identity in a turbulent and shifting world.
This collection of women’s discourses is particularly relevant because Mormon women have always been at the heart of Mormon culture. Through their eyes we see the Church as they loved it, created it, and hoped that it would be.
I can’t wait to read this book. 
Con amor,
Vero

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

When life's hard, keep moving!

“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other… you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry… Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.” ~Elizabeth Taylor

Most of us will experience hard choices, stressful events, and difficult situations that will impact us in one way or another for the rest of our lives. Many years ago, on this very day, April 27, 2004 I discovered a dark secret. My then husband was having an affair. 

Hard times happen. They teach us lessons, make us stronger, and give us a deeper sense of self. After all, would sitting in the sun mean as much if you hadn’t of experienced the storm first?

From that day for the next 5 years I experienced what can only be called “hard times.”

I lost my father to advanced diabetes in February of 2006. Soon after, I got myself to the emergency room (because I didn’t want to disturb my then husband) and got my gallbladder removed, followed by another surgery a year after that and shortly after I was served the divorce papers that took years to settled finally on August 20, 2008.

I didn’t put all of this out there to whine or say “poor me.” But I do know this is quite a lot to go through, particularly in the short span of only half a decade.

Nevertheless, I do like the ideas to overcome anxiety I found in this article. 

“1. Confront your struggles head on.
We want to bury our heads in the sand and pretend everything is fine, as if these bad things aren’t happening to us. We try to numb ourselves from the pain and reality of the situation. I know I do this. But eventually, you have to face it head on. There is no other way.
There will be times of great heartache when you are forced to make life-altering decisions in which your mind and emotions will play opposing roles. With some of what I have faced, I had to make logical, sound decisions based on the facts available to me at the time. I certainly didn’t discount my emotions, but I moved through them with my eyes wide open.

 2. Realize it’s a process, and the process takes time.
Nothing will happen right away. It will take time, and you will travel from one emotion to another and then back again. And it takes as long as it takes. These things cannot be rushed.
Also, we have to remember to take it easy on ourselves throughout the process. For me, this goes back to self-medicating or numbing. I quite often stumble back into old, self-destructive habits. I’m human, not Wonder Woman. Although I like to think that maybe Wonder Woman wouldn’t have survived everything I have.

3. Kick, scream, get your groove on, and then get spiritual with it.
Realize that it’s okay to be angry. Find constructive, creative ways to let your feelings flow out of you.
Climb a hill and once you get to the top, scream until your heart is content. Paint something. Beat up your bedding. It’ll only make it more comfortable. Get in some serious cardio, if you can—try dance. Make yourself really sweat. Then try yoga and/or meditation to even you out.
Dig down deep and take a look inside yourself for what you believe. Whatever higher power, spiritual path, or religious belief gives your soul comfort—whether it’s at home, out in nature, in a church, encircled by loved ones, or in solitude—take a look at finding out what that is.

4. Play out your fears about a situation.
With any given situation, play out the scenarios and then ask yourself, “and then what?” What will I do if this happens next? Keep asking what you’ll do next, how you’ll continue moving forward. This will move you from a fearful, stuck mindset into a more active, productive mindset.

5. Accept that not everyone will have your back.
This may be the hardest lesson to learn. I found out, most painfully, that some people kept their distance; or better yet, were willing to take advantage and kick me when I was down.
Surprisingly, these are often people you thought you could count on the most. Still, others will not only step up, but they will hold you up through the worst of it.
While this can be an incredibly painful lesson, I believe it is a very necessary one. Interpersonal relationships, like life, are fluid. People will come and go. Some people are around to play with us in the sun, while others will weather through storms and seasons with us.
I don’t think it’s meant for us to know who’s who ahead of time, only that this is a fact of life and that you will be okay. Maybe this also teaches us to be more grateful for each relationship, past and present, good and bad. Some of these people will be your greatest teachers in life, whether you or they know it or not.
The best lesson I learned is that you have to keep your focus on the people who stick around instead of the ones who bail.

6. Change your perspective.
I now choose to believe that adversity is meant to knock us oncourse, not the other way round. Focus on looking at the situation differently. I can say from my experience as a cancer patient, you often have to find humor in the small things. This helps get you through each day.
Even recently, I beat myself up over not yet becoming the perfect picture of optimal health after cancer. I had to realize, with everything I’ve been going through, the fact that I’m still standing at all is true testament to my ability to overcome. This has to be enough for now. Just as I am, I am enough.

7. Look forward to the sunshine.
After every storm there is calm, and then the sun shines. If you keep remembering that, you will make it through.
Give yourself the opportunity to feel and process every thought and emotion. This is what the experience calls for. We all know what happens if we bypass or bury our emotions. We must allow the process to happen and give ourselves the space and time to feel everything.
Eventually, hopefully, we find ourselves grateful for those hard times, which in turn may make us appreciate the good times even more. I am continually working on allof this, but then again, isn’t that the point?”

Good points this article worth sharing.

Con amor,
Vero

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

How do I love Thee?

True love-- everyone's searching for it. Singers sing about it. Poets write about it. Novelists create  stories about it. Artists immortalize it in a drawing, a painting, a sculpture and filmmakers portray it in images larger than life.

But how do you express it?

There are many ways for you and our spouse to express your love, many ways to show each other how deeply you care. You can say it with words, with candy and flowers, with diamonds and gold. All  these ways are wonderful, all should be used, but none prove your hears to be true. Not one guarantees the veracity of your love.

The only way to know if you have true love is to see whether it stands the test of time. Has it endured hardship, boredom, and pain? Has it weathered life's business? Has it withstood the pressures of job, family and home, the stresses of midlife and old age? Time alone with tell.

Sadly to say, my first marriage fail the test. I didn't last past the midlife years and so I can now say, it wasn't true love after all.

If you are just embarking on the marriage path, you'll know the level of your commitment to each other by the way you live your lives together day by day, expressing your love in each possible way through respecting each other minute by minute, hour by hour.

You will determine whether the love you have is true over time. But you need to begin now!

"Let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we've loving truly, living in God's reality." 1 John 3:18-19

Con amor,
Vero