Attending a funeral

We heard of a sudden death of a dear sister who died way too soon and today was her funeral. Her husband started by saying we are one. I didn't want to have an open casket and only show a picture of her but we never found one because in every picture I was with her showing a picture of the two of them.  She was ready. She would accept gladly the Lord's will and died in peace.


The family has had their share of issues. First her sister died from childbirth and she and her husband decide to take care of their nieces and nephews. All is taking place while her husband is also waiting to get a kidney transplant getting dialysis every week and all of the sudden she gets sick and dies unexpectedly. It doesn't seem fair but somehow we all need to have faith that someday this family will be together again. So as I sad there listening to the speakers I only could think of so many times we are unhappy for no reason when we have our family members with us. What I love about attending a funeral is how much we appreciate and love people but don't say that enough to them when they are alive. Sister Roig had a beautiful soul. There were so many people who only had wonderful things to say about her and that is exactly what I want my family to say about me when I leave this earthly life.

The meaning of Easter Sunday

I prepared a class today to teach the 8 to 11 year olds in Primary. It is Easter Sunday so the class had a lot of activities that I didn't even get to. One was to give them a candy at the beginning of the class and to make them read a scripture and explained it to the class and if they did this, they would get a larger candy bar because they had earned it. Meaning that Christ gave us some things without us doing anything for them but other things we have earned them.


The other activity was to show them a picture of a dear loved one who has passed away and to explain that her body is buried but her spirit is still alive because of him.


There are also some scriptures that we discussed to review what he went through before his death. I had to gather things around the house like 30 silver coins, a cup, dice, a red cape, a white sheet, rope, nails, soap, rocks and dirt, spices and a  stone. Each was a symbol found in the scriptures.


We also had a questions and answer matching game and a blackboard of prophecy and fulfillment!


The main idea of this lesson was to teach One: Jesus Christ gave us the gift of immortality and Two Jesus Christ made it possible to gain eternal life.


All I know is that I would someday love to look at Him in the eyes and say to him. I am a believer!

Missionary seminar

At the missionary training we learned:


 Missionaries need to take an adjusting to missionary life training before they go out on the field because they need to know what to expect at a mission. Missions are very hard. It is also so important the need of taking safety seriously.


The members need to do the missionary work more than the full time missionaries and not the other way around. Members need to go out with the missionaries to the appointments with the investigators. It is better to find a match or someone the investigator can relate with.


Invite friends to come to Church especially if you or one of your family members are giving a talk.

Running a marathon from a distance

I have decided to not worry about placing pictures on this blog because this is my journal and I have another blog where I am posting pictures. Why have two blogs one may ask? Because a journal where you write your inner thoughts is not the same as a picture album.


Tomorrow I was going to be running the half marathon in Salt Lake. I always look for any opportunity to train for it because I feel so healthy when I train for one. I got registered six months ago, purchased plane tickets, had a place to stay and was happy to know that the marathon was going to be held on a holiday weekend, Easter to be exact!




I love running a half because I am not in great shape and I get to finish it about the same time that some people are finishing their whole marathon so I don't feel like a dork running it. (That's my little secret) In other words, I am not fast and need more time.




I was going to spend the week of Easter in Utah and stay for Hernan's graduation from BYU the next week and even stay an extra week for Women's Conference. A three week vacation. Well, it didn't happen. I turns out that today and tomorrow there is a Mission Presidents seminar that we are involved with and it used to be that only the Presidents came but now, they also invite their wife. I thought about what to do and prayed to know if I should still go or changed my plans to stay and extra week leave with Daniel next week.




It is probably a no brainer, I had the impression that I should stay in the DR with my husband instead of running. I will continue to train as if I was running it but is not the same. I don't feel as motivated and even a little depressed. I hate it when I feel that I have to do something and that I have to be somewhere when I wish I didn't so feeling like this, I have to repent. I have to feel happy that I have the amazing opportunity to go to the temple tonight and to be trained spiritually which it's even better than just training your body. My prayer today is to not think about the race too much and just enjoy the moment at the seminar, to feel fine and to be happy.

Son of God

Today we went to see Son of God and is one of those movies that you know the beginning, the plot and the ending but somehow you wished you could change the way it happened. You wish you could prevent from having Christ suffer so much. You want God to save him from all  that but it always ends the same way. He dies but what is even more important is that he is resurrected. He is now living and he is going to be back again. I have faith that he knows me, and he knows that I love him. the movie show a woman who goes to clean his face named Veronica and I felt as if she was me. I want to be the kind of woman that he can count on, a true disciple. Some posted this on facebook as a good reminder that He exists and this is what it said:

In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?” The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”

“Nonsense” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?”The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one has ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.”Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and you really listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.” - Útmutató a LéleknekThe second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”

The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”

The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”

The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one has ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”

“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”

The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”

The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.”

Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”

To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and you really listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.” - Útmutató a Léleknek

 

Driving in the DR

Most cars in  the DR are not this nice but this is the kind of car that hit us today as Grace, Daniel's secretary, was waiting for the light to turn green. I was in the back seat and felt the impact. We stopped the cars, got out to find a woman wearing a bikini driving her Mercedes Benz, she was with a young girl too so they were coming or going to the beach.

It is Easter week and people are often drunk. We discussed what had happend and she was blaming us so I took a picture of the damage but didn't think of taking a picture of her plates or asked for her driver license or her insurance information. Duh!  We waited for her to show up at the police station to report the accident which is what people do here.She followed us pretending she was going to meet us there but turned around and left the scene because she knew it was her fault and she was probably drunk so we couldn't report the accident without knowing who did it. Lesson learned. What is sad to me is that she was with a child. What is she teaching her?

I always tell my husband how I don't think we need to bother fixing cars here because we know these type of  fender benders happen all the time and it is almost useless but he says that these are the Church's vehicles and that there is a standard they keep so what I am upset about is that someone with a lot of money took advantage of us buy not paying for the damages she caused to The Church's  car but on the other hand she could be a woman of influence and could have blame it on us and got her way. It is always scary to deal with hartless people like that.

This only proves my point that I don't ever want to drive alone in countries where the law has no meaning. This is traffic anarchy like you have never seen. When we go out, I step my foot on the floor thinking that I would avoid any close encounters. You see motorcycles zigzagging and driving on either side of the road, public cars or taxis stopping for clients just about anywhere, and traffic at times coming against oncoming traffic. Not to mention pedestrians and stray animals. I can only say, my hat off to those brave people out there driving.

Why not her?

Today I went to the temple and asked my Heavely Father for a special favor. I asked to bless my sweet Bianca become a mother to her own children. It is hard for me to see her be so sad each time a treatment has failed her. She has tried everything and today they are going to do in vitro. I only hope there is a reason why our loving Heavenly Father has given her this trial and that someday we will understand the reason why? when other women abort and even kill their babies. Just a few days ago, a woman in Utah had killed seven new born babies who were found in a card box on her garage. What a senseless, gruesome and heinous crime! so that is why it is hard for me to see my child who would be such a perfet mommy, be childless. Not only she would be a good mother, but Joseph is so cute with kids. They would make wonderful parents. She wrote a journal entry two years ago that explains her feelings about wanting to be a mom and this is what she said and with her own words I will end this post.  

Mormon, Married, Musician, Mother!

Ok, before you make any assumptions...I'm not a mother (yet), and am not expecting. I just thought since yesterday was Mother's Day that I would write about these things that have been on my mind as of late related to Motherhood and other "M" words. I'll be the first to admit that these "M" words seem a bit odd to some. And actually I am a little bit odd to be completely honest. I've learned to embrace that. I am a Mormon. I do deeply believe in the doctrinal beliefs of Mormons. I believe I have a Heavenly Father who loves me (and everyone else for that matter) infinitely, and I have developed a personal relationship with Him as well as with my Savior, Jesus Christ. I came to this understanding through my own discoveries and experiences. I've actually never seen God with my own physical eyes, but I've felt Him in ways that are equally as powerful, and have seen His hand in my life on countless occasions. I just can't deny it. How grateful I am for the experiences that have helped me develop this believe, faith and relationship with God. It has become such a foundational part of me.

Here's the second truth- as most of you probably know...I am married. And to one of the greatest men on earth actually. I got married young, it's true. And I married young because it really felt right for me. There wasn't anyone else in the world I wanted to be with, ever! So we got married, and he and I are so much better together because of it. We'll have been married for 7 years this August (I can't believe it's been that long!!). I'm so grateful to have him in my life. I really am so blessed to be his wife. Really.

Thirdly, I am a musician (duh, this is my music blog after all). Not only do I practice music therapy during the day, but my life as a singer-songwriter is so much a part of me! I love it so much. I've recently learned that I have to start owning that a little more. I usually don't even mention that I am a singer-songwriter when people ask the predictable question of "What do you do?" I actually cringe when I hear that question because I automatically feel like whatever comes out of my mouth will ultimately determine what my worth and value to that person. "I'm a singer-songwriter and I perform around the city and tour a little around the country." To me there's something about that that doesn't sound very credible I guess. I don't know, or maybe I fear sounding narcissistic or something. But really, one of my greatest joys is creating music and sharing it with people. It tugs at my heart so much. Especially after a magical show where connections are made with the audience, or after writing a new song, or playing music with and collaborating among friends and other musicians. It brings me so much happiness. I honestly feel as though it is part of my purpose and/or calling in my life. I love it.
As for this last "M" word...being a mother. I am not a mother yet, no. However, the truth is...I want to be. I want to be so much so that it's a little painful even sometimes. I've wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember, but most especially in recent years. I have just had some infertility issues that have made it challenging. I usually don't talk about this too openly, mostly because I don't want people to feel awkward, and also because I fear the comments that often come after, "But you're so young! You've got plenty of time," "Wait, you want to have 4 kids! Why?!" "Maybe it's for the best, maybe you're not ready yet," or "Trust me, it's not that great anyway." I know no one means any harm in any comments they may make in our discussions about motherhood and wanting to be a mother, in fact usually people that I talk to about this are beyond compassionate and sensitive, and I really enjoy discussing my thoughts and feelings with them about it.

Sometimes though, people have asked me why I want to have children. From the outside perspective, if you look at my life, it is already so comfortable and may seem complete. Joseph and I have jobs we enjoy. We have a great marriage and we love each other a lot. We get to enjoy New York City, and I'm able to play music all around the city and even tour parts of the country. Why would we want anything to disrupt what we've already got going? That is a great question.

I want to be a mother because I feel it in my heart. It's almost as though my heart is going to burst with this love I feel for them, and I don't even know them yet. This innate desire continues to grow greater and greater as time goes by. There have been discouraging moments, and even a few tears shed because of it, but I have learned a lot through the process. I've learned that it's important to be happy, now. I can't wait for this future event to bring me happiness, it has to come from within me independent of my circumstances. I've learned that I need to strive everyday to be the best mother I can be for my future children. On the door of our apartment we have a sign that says, "Live in a way that your children would be proud." And that's what I try to do.

 I also want to be a mother because I can't wait to have babies with the man of my dreams. (Ha! That sounds a bit weird, but it's totally the truth). My husband is so good with kids, it's ridiculous. To see him with other people's children makes my heart melt...I can't even imagine how it will feel to see him play with our own. I can't wait to have a baby fall asleep on my shoulder. I can't wait to have them wrap their little fingers around mine. I can't wait to sing them to sleep and to kiss their cute chubby little face. I don't know exactly what it's like to be a mom, but I can only imagine that it's not going to be easy, and certainly won't be all fun and games. but I yearn for it in the deepest part of myself.

In fact, my song, "A Part of Me" was very much inspired by all of this. This song is basically the prayer I have in my heart. It's short and simple, but it is honest and genuine. Here's some footage of me recording it, I hope you enjoy. I also hope everyone had a very happy Mother's day. Mother's amaze me. Really really amaze me. I am grateful for their examples. I can't wait to be a mother someday too. In the meantime, I will try my best to live in a way that my children would be proud. In the meantime, I will strive to continue growing, sharing and learning so that I can be the best mother possible for my children when the time comes.

Thank you for reading and letting me share a part of myself with you.