How you see yourself

How Others See you is not Important but how you see yourself means Everything!

 

You cannot control who will like you, who will vilify you, who will speak kindly of you, who will judge you, who will love you, who will treat you unfairly, who will support you, who will spread lies about you, or who will be your biggest fan. We literally cannot control how any other person is going to feel, think, or treat us. When we come to recognize that as an actual fact, we can turn our focus to the only thing in this life that we actually can control, and that is how we feel about ourselves.

 “Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.”

I learned that lesson many years ago after going through a series of very difficult events in my life. I had come through a very unhappy marriage, a difficult divorce, a rough time in my personal life, and strained relations with certain members of my family. I had spent years trying to please other people, wanting them to recognize the good in me. I had spent years trying to be smart enough, or pretty enough, or skinny enough, or nice enough, or successful enough, or good enough, and all those other ‘enoughs’ that people were expecting from me. Yet, as hard as I tried, there was always someone who would tell me that I wasn’t enough, and my view of myself would fall completely apart. I would feel horrible about myself. I would feel sad and discouraged and I would allow myself to believe that someone else’s view of me was, in fact, true, rather than looking in the mirror and knowing for myself who that girl was that was staring back at me.

 

“How others see you isn’t important, how you see yourself means everything”

By seeking other people’s approval of me I had literally given away my ability to control knowing who I was. I had given up all ability to control my own happiness by placing that power in the hands of anyone who wanted to form opinions about me. I felt helpless. Then one day a wise counselor helped me to see that as long as I cared about what other people thought of me I was never going to have true confidence in myself, because I literally could not control other people’s judgments about me, and the fact is that other people are never equipped to pass fair judgment on us because they are not God, and God is the only one equipped to pass fair judgments. The counselor helped me to realize that I needed to let go completely of caring or worrying about what anyone else thought about me and start focusing entirely on what I thought of myself. I had to first block out everyone else’s opinions of me and instead focus all my attention on being the girl I wanted God to see in me. God is the only person I needed to worry about pleasing, and pleasing Him is something I had total control over. Suddenly I no longer felt helpless.

 

My life changed drastically after that. I began to live my life focused on doing the best I could each day. I no longer needed to compete with anyone else because God isn’t going to judge me on a comparative basis to anyone else. God is going to judge me on whether I do my best to become more and more like Him; not on if I become what someone else thinks I should be. God is going to judge me on whether I pick myself up after making mistakes, learn from my mistakes, and move forward as a better person determined not to make that same mistake again; not on if I was a perfect person. God is going to judge me on my efforts; not the outcome of my efforts. God is going to judge me on making the most of my gifts and talents; not on a comparison with other people’s talents. God is going to judge me on how He feels about me; not on how other people think, talk, or feel about me. As I focused all my efforts on only pleasing God and letting go of what anyone else thought, my entire life changed. The distractions and discouragements of others that had held me back previously went away. My confidence grew and my talents and abilities blossomed in ways I could never have imagined. My life is full of blessings beyond measure in every aspect, but most of all I have been blessed with the feeling of peace that comes from understanding that God’s opinion is the only opinion that I need to focus on.

 

There will always be those people in the world who take pleasure in telling you that you are not enough. Those people who would tell you that do so because they themselves don’t feel like enough, and their insecurity demands that they drag others down into a state of misery with them. The fact is that they simply cannot judge whether you are enough or not, because they are not God. And only you know where your own relationship with God stands – nobody else. Only you control improving that relationship. All it takes is being the best person you can be each day, growing and learning and improving along the way. The best part is that God doesn’t play favorites in who He will love, God doesn’t get fickle when it comes to being proud of you, God doesn’t decide the quota of good people is filled and therefore you can’t make it into the “good group”, God would never tell you that you are not enough – He knows that you are enough because you are his child and by birthright you have the ability to be everything if you just focus on being the very best that you can be.

Con amor,

Vero

 

Juggling glass balls in a quest for balance

“Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – work, family, health, friends and spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life. How?

 

·       Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

·       Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

·       Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

·       Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.

·       Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

·       Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us each together.

·       Don’t be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

·       Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

·       Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you are going.

·       Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

·       Don’t be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.

·       Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.”

By Coca Cola CEO Brian Dyson 

 

This article was so good that it stands on its own.  There are some truly great lessons to be taken from it. I love learning from inspiring words and thoughts of others.  I highly recommend keeping your own book of motivational quotes and stories to read whenever you are having a difficult day.  They work wonders for lifting you up and getting you back in a positive mindset. 

 con amor,

Vero

Need a wedding planner

Mandy got engaged to her sweetheart and the date is set for August 10th. After much debate whether Mandy should get married in October or August, the decision was made to get it done before school starts and we are now in full blown wedding preparation mode.

The engagement is short compare to some that prepare for a year. There are so many things to think about and so much to do: invitations, picking out the colors, venues, booking photographers, flowers, music, decorations, favors, photo booth, food, registering for gifts, the reception, the honeymoon, where to live, and all whole nine yards. No doubt it's going to get crazy!

Mandy and Spencer were a little surprised to find out that weddings aren't as easy as planing for another event, say a graduation or a birthday celebration. They had no idea of the chaos they would be stepping into the next few weeks. The time has come and the clock is ticking. Just a few more weeks and the big day is approaching.

Today she found her dress. She has so fallen in love with this dress and even though it is strapless the way most wedding dresses are now days, it will have to get altered. She loves this dress so much! She sent me a picture over the phone and she looks so beautiful I could cry. My baby will soon be known as Mrs. Morrison.

From the time you hold that little baby in your arms, you dream of this day when she will find her soul mate. Someone who will cherish her and love her forever. This is what every mother wants for her child.

Con amor,
Vero

To the new graduates!

Oh the places you’ll go, if I try! 

 

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You`re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who`ll decide where to go…“ 

– What a great quote by Dr. Seuss! I came across a great article about this quote from Dr. Seuss that was written by a woman named Jacqueline Wales which I wanted to share with everyone. She writes the following:

 

 “You have brains in your head. Stepping out of our own way is the biggest challenge for most people. We over think, or under think, and many times the thinking is completely skewed in the wrong direction. Using our brains is what changing our thinking is all about. Move from the negativity to the positive and learn how to embrace your fearless self, removing doubts and anxieties that are currently stopping you from being your best self now. 

 

Feet in your shoes. How many of us are standing in our own shoes? It took me years to realize that I was walking in someone else’s. It was a proud day when I could say they were mine. Don’t be walking someone else’s path, and don’t go trying to wear shoes that don’t fit you. Pinched feet are painful. Leave them at home. 

 

Steer yourself in any direction you choose. Choosing a direction is the hardest part. What do you really want for yourself? Where do you really want to go. Once you decide on that, then take every possible action to get yourself where you want to go. 

 

You’re on your own. That much is clear. We are totally responsible for EVERYTHING that happens in our life, whether wittingly or unwittingly, we have made a choice or a decision that brought us into the circumstance or event in our life. Being responsible for each and every aspect of your life means you’re on your own, but you are not alone. Everyone is right there beside you . 

 

You know what you know. It’s all inside of you. The questions and the answers. Trust yourself more. Fear is essentially our lack of trust that we have all the answers, that we can control our life. We are stronger than we think, and we KNOW a lot. Trust you more often. 

 

You are the one who’ll decide where to go. It’s your life. Learn how to embrace it, and allow it to unfold the way you want it to be. Be Fearless: See Where It Gets You! You will be surprised at what you find.” 

 

What a great quote and what a great article! I think we sometimes fall into the trap of thinking we are a victim of circumstance in life and we forget that we may not control all of our own circumstances in life but we certainly control the way we approach them, handle them, react to them, and think about them.

My daughter Bianca writes songs and there is one I love with the title "If I try" perfect for those who are wondering what the future holds. 

Con amor,

Vero

 

Happy Mother's Day

Every year I am asked "What do you want for Mother's Day?" After thinking about it, I decided I'd give them my real answer:

 

What do I want for Mother's Day? I want you. I want you to keep coming around, I want you to bring your kids around, I want you to ask me questions, ask my advice, tell me your problems, ask for my opinion, ask for my help. I want you to come over and rant about your problems, rant about life, whatever. Tell me about your job, your worries, your kids, your fur babies.

 

I want you to continue sharing your life with me. Come over and laugh with me, or laugh at me, I don't care. Hearing you laugh is music to me ~ seeing your smile fills me with joy.

 

I spent the better part of my life raising you the best way I knew how. Now, give me time to sit back and admire my work.

Raid my refrigerator, help yourself, I really don't mind. In fact, I wouldn't want it any other way.

 

I want you to spend your money making a better life for you and your family, I have the things I need. I want to see you happy and healthy but mostly strong in your testimony of the gospel of Christ. When you ask me what I want for Mother's Day, I say "nothing" because you've already been giving me my gift all year - your love and your continued improvement. Become better each day. That is my greatest gift! 

 

Con amor,

Vero

 

Unplugged

An article on "How Does She" came out today that I think is worth sharing. I am a little worried about how much time children are spending on their gadgets so here is a summary of what Cristi wrote: 

“Mom, can I watch a show?” were the first words my three-year-old uttered in the morning when he woke up. No “Good morning mommy” or even “What’s for breakfast”– instead, “I wonder what is on Disney Jr. today?” His obsession with watching morning cartoons began as a convenience for ME to distract him in exchange for a moment of solitude and peace while I got ready and cleaned up the house. Although I was careful about this not becoming excessive, I noticed his cravings for more screen time began to generalize to the I-pad, phone, and computer- pretty much anything with a screen. Soon, I also began to notice his over-stimulated mind seemed unsatisfied with our mundane yet three-dimensional world. But what was even more alarming to me as a parent and as a child counselor was his decrease in desire for creative play sessions. He seemed distracted.

But I realized I wasn’t alone. Did you know that on average there are more screens in a home than members of the family? Definitely true. In our home. Sadly, I counted 16 screens of some sort! Studies are showing that the average young person will have had more screen time than they will have had hours in the classroom by the time they graduate!

 Don’t get me wrong- technology is brilliant! We can hop on and instantly learn anything we want with just a swipe of a screen or click of a button.

But with a world surrounded by screens and stimulation- should I be worried for my young child whose brain is forming and developing at such a rapid pace?

According to American Academy of Pediatrics, an excessive amount of TV, movies, video and/or computer games can be linked to obesity, disruption in sleep, behavioral problems, impaired academic performance, violence, and less time for creative play. Studies are also showing that children under the age of 3 who engage in several hours a day of fast paced programs will have shorter attention spans throughout their life. In short, media appetites begin early on and can have a direct impact on their ability to maintain attention throughout their life.

With all the good that our technology can provide for our children- how do I create a healthy balanced media diet that enriches and enhances my child’s life instead of replacing or distracting it?

MY EXPERIMENT:

Something had to change…and fast. We needed an intervention for every member in our family (myself included) and I was willing to try out a little experiment. After a week of preparation, discussion, and planning- we all unplugged.

(Cristi placed signs that read: “Out of Order” on all the screens in her home.) 

I knew that I couldn’t ask my family to do something that I wasn’t willing to do myself- so, I too unplugged. Obviously, I knew that my husband and I needed to be available to take phone calls and check emails for work throughout the day, so we came up with a limit for the evenings when the phone was to be off for a duration of time.

purchased a clear plastic container large enough to fit whatever item we wanted to lock up. It could be anything such as gameboys, controllers, phones, etc.

We called it the “Media Jail.”

Then we cut paper and adhered it with two-sided tape to the container- and it is as simple as that. Out of sight- out of mind. We ate dinner and spent time together without any distractions or temptations- what a beautiful thing.

The hard part was coming up with a limit that worked in our home.  We decided that from the time dad walked in the door for dinner to 9:30- the phone and computer should remain off. That gave us over an hour of time as a couple to spend together after kids were asleep.

WHAT I LEARNED:

I was nervous at first on how I would manage with deadlines and tasks I had to get done. How would I shower? But planning ahead and rearranging my schedule to create more time for picnics in the park and trips to the zoo somehow seemed to free up more time to get those things done. I felt like we accomplished a lot more. Yes, there were tears and protests from my three-year-old. But after a day or two he seemed to forget about it. I noticed a change in his mood. He was happier. His attention span increased. He was capable of entertaining himself! I learned that it was me who assumed he couldn’t do those things without the aid of an electronic device. And do you want to know the best part… NO MELTDOWNS!! I am not sure if it was because of all the extra attention and outdoor time he was getting but- our home was so peaceful.

I found that the real key was to REPLACE his old habit with a new one like… house work! Why was I doing all the house chores myself while he watched TV? What was I teaching him? Instead we now begin our mornings working side by side. 

Even after the experiment was over- I noticed he no longer asked for TV or an I-pad. In fact, we drove a total of 10 hours in a car and he never made mention of wanting to play a game or watch a movie…I am not kidding. 10 hours!! I was in shock…I don’t think I even went that long without checking in on my email! I had them ready for when he asked but to my surprise, he talked to us, sang songs, and noticed the world outside of his window. I always wondered how we did it as kids…and then realized that when you don’t have it- you don’t need it!

My favorite part of this experiment was the impact it had on our daily connections. We were experiencing being present and the moment with one another…with out distractions.

FINDING BALANCE:

Okay, so realistically we are in the 21st century. I know- I get it. And I do really want my child to learn how to self-regulate himself and have a healthy balance that can enrich his life. So, after several weeks- I knew it was time to introduce some media back into the family. The good kind. So, after a month of replacing morning cartoons with doing household jobs without any external reward- (note: he is three and still LOVES to help!) I decided to introduce a limited amount of approved games back into the house.

Growing up, my dad used to say: “You have to pay to play” and as much as I hated hearing those words as a teenager, I decided to create a system similar to an arcade where in order to play a game (parent approved) on the computer one must complete his or her jobs and daily responsibilities first. That way I knew that for 30 minutes of games there was an hour of work that had to occur first. I also set a limit on how many coins could be used on a daily basis. So far, we have been good with one- but I am still playing with that one.

So to make our “Media Money” and banks we bought wooden circles and cardboard boxes.

So, far it has worked out real well- it’s a win-win! I actually I am happy about the things he is learning on the computer and he really enjoys his time.

The best part is when his time is up- he doesn’t seem to have any problems turning it off- in fact, he sometimes turns it off before the time is up.

With the warm weather and summer approaching- I am continuing to condition MYSELF along with my family to put aside the screens for designated moments in the day and enjoy this warm weather! But it begins with me in setting the example.

Don’t be discouraged if you are not where you want to be. It takes time and every family and situation is different. Find what works for you and start somewhere.

Here are some tips that I found helpful on starting the process of creating a healthy media diet in the home:

Eliminate Background TV

Keep TV and computers out of your child’s bedroom.

Don’t eat in front of TV

Set boundaries and limits.

Be a good example

Make watching TV and playing games a family event 

Monitor what programs and your games they watch and play 

Encourage other activities such as books and outdoor play  

What other ideas do you have in creating a media balance in your home? 

The problem here is what you do at home. I would add to this list. Always go outside your home. Outside activities are the best! 

I remember when Cristi was little, we never watched TV on a school nights but in those days, I didn’t have to worry about smart phones. 

Con amor,

Vero

Diamonds are made under pressure

 

Which is really to say – no pressure, no diamonds.  

No Diamonds??!!  Frankly just typing the words “no diamonds” makes me break into a cold sweat… A world without Diamonds is unimaginable!  Because Diamonds make this world a more beautiful place!  They are so beautiful, and sparkly, and shiny, and you can’t help but love the way the light dances off of them…they are spectacular!

But it’s important for each of us to remember that diamonds didn’t start as beautiful, sparkly, shiny objects.  They started as carbon atoms in nature buried 100 miles deep into the earth’s surface.  They are subjected to a crazy amount of heat (about 2,200 degree Fahrenheit), and insane amounts of pressure (something around 725,000 pounds per square inch!).  Because of the heat and pressure the carbon atoms begin to bond to one another in groups of billions and billions in order to form a single one carat crystal. 

Then through violent eruptions they travel extremely fast to the surface of the earth, causing them to cool quickly enough to surface as diamonds. But even after enduring all of that their journey still isn’t over yet.  They still have to go through being polished and facetted before they finally achieve their full glory.  It is only AFTER they have endured all of those hardships that they finally become those glorious, sparkly, brilliant stones…

Each of us are like diamonds in the way we evolve throughout our own lives. We start small and we slowly grow through time and daily life experiences. Then we go through major struggles and difficult challenges and intense trials, each of which mold us into a stronger and better person. Then over time as we endure those trials and overcome our challenges, we surface as a more mature and refined person. But our journey still isn’t finished yet…we still have to go through polishing and small adjustments in order to reach our full glory.  It’s going through all of that and enduring it well that will give us our ultimate sparkle and shine.

When we long for a life without difficulties we are selling ourselves short. What we need to be longing for is the faith to see the end beauty of that will result if we endure our difficulties well.  The most beautiful things in the world result from the most difficult of circumstances. So when times are tough and we are feeling the pressure, just remember that God is just making you into a perfect diamond, so hang in there, endure it well, and just see that sparkle appear…it’s going to be SPECTACULAR!

Con amor,

Vero