Time heals all wounds

Time heals, so give it some time…

I usually don’t write when I am on vacation but today is the exception. Today is my 10^thyear anniversary. Let me explain: Once upon a time, I was secure in my world. I was happy as no one could be. On January 3, 2000, my 40^thbirthday I was asked to make a wish and I couldn’t think of anything to wish for. My life was perfect the way it was. My hard -working husband, Brad and daughters were the best a mother could ask for. I had a wonderful extended family, loved ones and friends. Our future together was bright.

The first 42 years of my life I was sheltered. I knew of a few friends who had split up and my heart ached for them. I honestly felt sorry for "those" people. I knew I would never be one of them, because my family was as perfect as it could possibly be. I would frequently say to them: “seek answers in the scriptures and pray.”

Then one day Brad went on a trip, met someone and had a change of heart. Simple as that! 22 years of marriage didn’t mean anything. All the years we worked together creating our family raising our girls didn’t mean a thing. In the days immediately after he left, I was in shock but I had to get done what needed to get done. People would often ask: “how on earth could this happen to a nice family like yours? I still don’t have an answer. But what I do know is that the article of faith number 2 took an important meaning in my life. In essence, I am not responsible for any one’s else bad choices except for my own choices. 

I feel so grateful for all the family, friends and neighbors who all wanted to provide love and support. The photo is taken in December 2007 when my whole family came to spend Christmas with me. knowing how lonely I was with my pending divorce. 

Then it was over on August 20^th2008 a judge singed a paper dissolving my marriage to Brad Van Leeuwen. I will never forget this day because it is also Bianca’s birthday. Today I happen to be with Bianca in Connecticut and we are having people over for dinner. I am glad I am here today to help me not think too much on this day. By August 20^th2008 I had been separated for so long that people reached out less frequently. It was time to go back to work at Reid School and back to the demands of life. You feel alone. So alone. Late at night when your brain won't settle down, you just sit and think about what will the future hold?. You mostly wake up more tired than when you go to bed. There is thick fog that kicks in It's real. You feel like crying the blues. Your brain shuts down and you operate in slow motion. I could not concentrate and feel peace no matter how hard I tried. I went to the temple more often but each time I went and heard each covenant that we promised, I cried. It was pure torture to hear it over and over again so I prayed to feel comforted.  After some time doing this, I wondered if I would feel this sad forever.

I felt so alone. My oldest girls were gone but luckily, I still had one at home.  Late at night, I yearned for my life to be back to the way it was. His masculine, voice, his touch, his presence. I would be in a group of people and still feel alone. Many people in my life kept reaching out to me in meaningful ways to see how they could help. They provided badly needed brief respite from grief.

Each time I am aware of a divorce situation that you didn’t want, no matter who you are or if I even know you that well, I mourn for you because I know exactly what you are going through.  My heart aches for those families. It will ache for a while. It's not just for their loss. It is for their missed futures with their husband and father or wife and mother.  My thoughts and prayers are always there for those affected by divorce. There are those who have never experience divorce and that is wonderful but they are not the once who should come someone like me and say, "I understand." because they don't, they don't have a clue.  

I just learned about another situation of a friend and I do understand how lonely of a journey this will be. How hard it is. God will help them. Friends will help them. Many will help them. Then they will choose how to keep living the way I did. I am here to say that I am proof that there is life after a painful divorce so keep your chin up and never lose hope. 

The good news is that after time, the responsibilities of life were again at the forefront of my life and that feeling of loss and heart-ache gradually faded away. It is true, time heals 

Face to Face

Today we had the great privilege to attend the Face to Face event with Bishop Stevenson and his wife Lesa. Before the Face to Face event we had lunch together with Elder and sister Shmutz.

Tomorrow I leave to go to Orlando to be with my mom, she had to get one of her toes removed due to her diabetic condition.

A time to remember

A time to remember...

If you were asked what you did on any given day three weeks ago would you be able to remember without going back and checking your calendar first? Or what about a day two weeks ago? More than likely the answer is no.

But what if you were asked where you went on your last vacation – could you remember that? Or what you did last Christmas or on the Fourth of July? Chances are you remember exactly where you went and what you did.

That’s because we tend to remember the experiences that are out of the ordinary. When we do things that are novel such as going on a vacation, or eating at a new restaurant, or trying something new we remember these things vividly.

We also remember the repeated experiences which is why it is so easy to recall what we did during the holidays each year and what traditions we celebrate.

We also remember “firsts”. Our first kiss, our first love, our first heartbreak, the first time we rode our bike, the first time we drove a car,

We remember people that we feel close to in life and we remember people who impacted our lives in a majorly positive way as well as people who impacted us in a majorly negative way. We remember our relationships that were meaningful to our lives.

I bring all this up because over the weekend I was scrambling to get a bunch of things done already and then all of the sudden Bianca called to ask me if I could watch the girls while I go see my mom in a fe days. I will be there on her anniversary and her birthday so why not? I am sure somehow I will be able to manage leaving her a the weekend so I can spend time with Bianca and  her family. This was going to be a memory that would stay with me. If I didn’t go, I would look back and have no memory of what could have been a fantastic time together. 

If we can stop ourselves from just saying “no I’m too busy” all the time we can open the door to doing things that will forever be amazing memories. Be more willing to do “first experiences”. Be more willing to start and keep up repeated traditions. Be more willing to make time to get close to people who can impact your life for the better. 

These are the things you are going to remember in your life. These are the memories you get to take with you. Focus on making more memories in life! You will not regret doing them. 

Con amor,

Vero

Family

Family, where Life Begins and Love never ends.

“Family is like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one.”

I grew up in a family of four children.  All girls. We are all years apart from each other and very different personalities. How my mother did it I will never know!  Especially because we weren’t the most mellow of children to say the least.  But she did it and somehow both she and all of us survived it!

As we have all grown into adulthood and started families of our own it is often times difficult to stay in contact with each other on a regular basis.  We are all spread out across the country with some living in El Salvador, Mexico, US and the Philippines.  Everyone has incredibly busy lives so we often go for long spurts without seeing one another or even talking to one another.  But when the times come that we can get together it is always as if no time has passed at all.  I think that is the beauty of being family – there is this connection that ignores time or space and binds you together forever.  You are family.

Last month I was able to spend time with my little sister who came to visit from California.  It was so fun to see her and her daughter Paola. To spend time with them and her children.  I am so proud of the woman she has grown up to be.  I left home to go to college when she was just a little girl so most of our growing up years were spent apart from each other, but even so we can feel that bond of family when we come together.  It’s that bond of sisterhood that forever ties you together.  That is what family is all about – It’s about being bonded together through good and bad times. It’s about growing up together in the same house to then taking what you have learned from that experience and spinning it off into your own family. Replicating the things you liked from your family, and deciding to change the things that you didn’t like from your family.  Everyone grows up and becomes their own person.  But deep down, no matter how much time passes and no matter how grown up you become, you are still those same kids from the same family with the same roots.  You are family.

I am grateful for my family.  I am grateful for my upbringing.  I am grateful I had three sisters to be friends with and built sand castles and mud pies with in the backyard.  I am grateful for the memories we created together as children and for the friendships we have as adults.  I am grateful to parents who provided us that opportunity.  And I am grateful to have my own little family that I get to be bonded with for eternity.  I LOVE MY FAMILY!

Today’s challenge is to love your family and find time to reconnect with them. It will be worth it.

Con amor,

Vero

Do your Best

Do your best 

 GIVE EVERYTHING YOU DO 110%.

I decided long ago that anything I was going to do in my life, I was going to give it 110%. I never wanted to put my name on something that I couldn`t feel proud of doing. And I felt that if I wasn’t willing to give something my all then why even do it?  I can tell you that sticking to that commitment in my life is something that has helped me tremendously.  I honestly believe that anyone who decides to make that commitment in their life will find great success comes in their future because of it.

Someone once stated, “If you don’t have time to do it right the first time, how will you ever have time to do it again?”   That quote stuck with me because I realized how true it actually was.  If I wanted to avoid redoing something I should really take care to do a great job going into it and give it a full effort.  No cutting corners.  No being sloppy.  Just doing it right from the get go. 

 When my husband looks around at the people he trusts the most it is the people that have adopted the philosophy of giving everything 110% in all they do.  They are the people that check their own work for accuracy, making sure they can feel good about things before the hand it off to someone else, and these are the people he wants to retain in his office because as a DTA that is exactly the type of person you want to have working for you.  

Over many years as a DTA he had several employees that he took with him  from department to department because they were so good that he hired them to d better and bigger things. He likes to see people succeed when they are willing to go the extra mile. That is the kind of employee I think everyone should try to become –  The type that their boss would give them better opportunities because they are just that good and reliable to do an awesome job at everything you give them. 

 You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be giving it your all every day, no matter how small or unimportant the task may be – still treat it as if it’s the most important task you will ever do and I can promise you that people will take notice of you and the work you do!

That is today’s challenge – No matter how big or small, give it your all!  

Con amor,

Vero

DO IT ANYWAY

Do It Anyway

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” …. -Mother Teresa

That quote is one I love more than I can express. It reminds me that my behavior shouldn’t and can’t be based on what other people do.  It must be based on who I want to be, for myself and for God.

I know it probably sounds like a simple thing, but it’s not.  It’s hard to not let your behavior be determined by those around you.  If someone wrongs you or is unkind to you it is hard not to react or lash back.  If someone lies, cheats or steals from you it is hard not to react by wanting to hurt them too.  No one likes to be hurt or wronged.  It is not a good feeling.  Especially if you are hurt by someone you trusted or believed in. That is the hardest kind of hurt to go through.  And the more hurt we feel justified to hurt back or do something unkind back.  I think in many ways that is a natural reaction and feeling to have as a triggered feeling.  But you just can’t give in to that.  You can’t give in to reacting in any way that is against your own personal beliefs and values.  Because the moment you give in you sink to the level of that other person and that is just not worth it.  Sure you might hurt the other person and cause damage to them to – payback right? But then what?  You hurt them back but you sold your own soul in the process and now you are left to live with yourself…it’s not fun to live with yourself when you aren’t able to feel proud of who you are.  So no momentary joy from “getting even” is worth the lifetime of regret for not acting in a manner consistent with what you believe is right.  That is my opinion anyway.

Life is full of people who would hurt you, take advantage of, cheat you, steal from you, lie to you, break promises to you, and all those other horrible things people can do…but life is also full of amazing people who will build you up, lift you when your down, encourage you when times are tough, stand by you when you feel alone, be generous with you, and love you in good times and bad.  So my advice is this – avoid the bad people and hang out with the good ones.   And when someone does wrong you, still be the best you possible…a you that you can feel proud of…then try and find better people to spend your time with because they are out there and when you find the good ones, hang on to them :).

Con amor,

Vero

What we did on our vacation

It’s again Monday evening after a much -needed vacation or I should say “marathon.”  What an absolute delight it was to spend a week in McCall Lake, culminating that visit on July 14^thas Brooks baptized his son Nixon. Daniel and Kelly Dame were the witnesses. Cristi gave a wonderful talk to Nixon and the other children in the Stake who were also getting baptized that day. That evening I was sealed to my parents along with two of my sisters. What a blessing! Those first days in Idaho were heavenly. 

Thanks to Jami and Andres who planned a fabulous family vacay in Oceanside, we all had a blast! The serenity of the waves was exactly what the doctor had ordered. The waves were perfect not too rough or too calm so everyone young and old could enjoy playing in the water. It was also fun to visit with my sister Liz and her son Andres who have just moved to L.A. 

Eating out at various new places was fun but the best were the empanadas. They were almost as good as Almeida’s empanadas. The highlight of the trip to Southern Cal. was to chat for a few minutes with Elder and sister Clayton while we went out walking one morning. 

Next, we flew to Houston with Vale to see Hernan and family. We had not met Walter yet so that was absolutely, positively a treat for us. He looks perfect and doing so much better. We went to a Museum in Houston and to eat at an excellent Mexican restaurant and had Milanesas for dinner on Sunday. We had a lot of fun playing with Owen. 

Next, we were back in Utah to celebrate Pioneer Day with the family and for dinner Jami and Andres prepared, you guessed it, Milanesas. It’s what Daniel and family love, love to eat. 

Next, we saw a few doctors before we headed to Nebraska. Daniel’s doctor was very pleased with him because he lost weight and his liver function elevated was normal. Yay!

In Nebraska, we had a chance to stay home and played with the older boys. On Sunday July 29^ththe twins were blessed. Spencer did a great job blessing Gabriel and Michael. Spencer is the master chef and knows how to cook meat. We are now officially Papi and Mami Vero. I can’t get used to the term grandpa and grandma yet. I don’t think we are that old. Lol 

On our way back to Utah, we stopped one night at Pablo’s and visited with his family for a bit. Back in Utah we saw more doctors and Daniel realized how easy is for him to get sun burn so from now on he needs to wear sunscreen and a hat anytime he goes out. The very last night, we stopped by to see tios Silvia and Jeff Allred and saw my cousin Kimmy and her new baby.

 During this time, my mother in Orlando had an infected toe removed due to diabetes so I will be going back to Orlando to care for my mom for a few weeks. My sisters and I are all taking turns. 

We are currently excited and getting ready for a face to face event next Saturday in Manila with Elder Stevenson and his wife. Daniel is busy working on all the preparations. We are still not all the way acclimated to the new time and we might be asleep when we should be awake and vice-versa. 

Con amor,

Vero

Re discover the world

Rediscovering the Joy, excitement, and mystery of the world we live in! 

As we age we grow wiser from life experience, which is a good thing. But sometimes as we grow older we also become a little bit jaded…almost too realistic…we often lose that sense of wonder and excitement we had as a child, and that is a not such a good thing…

Now that I am an empty nester I find myself looking back and wishing I had done a few things differently – for example, I wish I had done more exploring with my kids and a little less worrying about all the different ways one of them might get hurt during our adventures. I wish I had gone on a few more roller coaster rides instead of standing on the sidelines watching them go. Now don’t get me wrong – my kids and I had tons of fun adventures together and I went on a quite a few roller coasters with them, but looking back I wish I had gone on ALL of the roller coasters every single time, and I wish I would have not shared all my worries about them falling down and scraping their knees whenever they wanted to explore.

As parents we don’t always realize that when we vocalize our worries we are building up limitations in our own children’s minds. I realize it’s a fine balance between keeping our kids healthy and safe, and encouraging our kids to keep their sense of wonder. But I think it’s a balance we are wise to really think twice about so we make sure we aren’t stepping over the line to that side that ends up limiting our children’s sense of wonder.

“If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.” – Rachel Carson

We should all try to be that “one adult” that our kids can feel the joy, excitement, and mystery of the world with.

A few ideas that might help us regain our own sense of wonder so we can be that “one adult” are:

*Start taking photographs to create a photo board of things that you saw that help you feel a sense of wonder. When you are out looking for photos you can take it will make you notice the details and things you might normally miss. And as you compile your photos into an album or a digital board it can serve as inspiration to remind you of the many wonders that exist in your everyday life.

*Spend time observing a group of little kids playing. Notice their excitement and wonder for everything around them. Watch their ability to be creative and use their imagination. Apply their sense of wonder to your own life.

*Plan a future trip to somewhere new. Go get a few travel books or get online and learn all about the place you are going to go. Read about the culture, read about the history, read about the people…prepping for a future trip can be as rewarding as going on the trip itself and the process of researching and learning about somewhere new will help you feel sense of wonder for something new to look forward to.

*Go outside at night and lay on the grass and stare up at the stars. Realize how incredibly big this great big universe is and recognize the wonder in that.

We are all heading into the weekend ahead and I get it…we’ve all got a million things to do and lists a mile long…but let’s consider handling this weekend just a little bit differently. Let’s try and put a bit more wonder into this weekend ahead. And if you are lucky enough to still have kids at home with you, never stop being that “one adult”.

Con amor,

Vero

Where did the time go?

 “Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.”  -Harvey Mackay

Here we are on August 4^rd and I am suddenly aware of the fact that this is our last month of summer vacation before our grandkids go back to school again…And even though we can’t change the fact that summer vacay will be coming to an end in a few weeks for all our grandchildren that have been out of school,  you can at least decide right now to make the absolute most of these few weeks left with your kids before their lives become school and homework and sports teams and dance squads and everything else that fills their time in the fall.

My suggestion is this, for those of you that go to work, take a look at your work schedule try and see what things you might be able to push off until September so you can free up as much time as you can to be with your kids before they start back to school again. And for those of you that work in the home, figure out what projects can wait until September, and decide not to stress about having a perfectly clean house this month so you can spend every possible moment playing in the sun with your kids.

Our children grow up so fast. Trust me, I have experienced just how fast they grow as my three daughter have both become adults in the last few years, moving out of my house to go to college and getting married. I still remember how I used to feel when my gitls were little, thinking I had all the time in the world to spend with them….but then in the blink of an eye they are grown-up and living adult lives of their own. It happens more quickly than you could ever imagine…and sadly we rarely realize it until they are actually leaving home and by then it’s too late to go back and relive those moments…and how you wish you would have moved heaven and earth to spend every moment possible with them, relishing every second…

I realize I can’t go back in time, but I can certainly enjoy the next few weeks with my children and grandchildren before he leaves home to head back to school again and I intend to do just that. And for all of you who have children at home for the summer, regardless of their age, I hope you do the same. We will never regret the moments we took time to spend time with our children creating memories…but we definitely regret the times we could have and didn’t. 

Con amor,

Vero

where is home?

That was a long vacation. the whole month of July I was away on vacation so no posting on my blog for over a month. Nothing in the month of July because when I am away with family I don't worry about my blog until I get back.

Coming back from vacation with our family is not easy. We take many flights, and go across many waters and after what it seems like forever, we get to Manila. Back to our home and back to reality. I was thinking today how spread out we all are as a family.

Where is home? Is a question we get asked all the time and is one that keeps changing. 

This is where everyone lives as of August 2018. 

Andy, Jami and their four busy children loving their newly remodeled home in Farmington.

Gabriel and Danae loving life in Dublin, Ireland.

Pablo, Sydney and their energetic trio in Denver, Colorado. 

Alejandro, Lexi and a duo of rumbustious little men in Miami, Florida  

Hernan, Rachael and yet another duo of little men in Houston, Texas. 

Cristi, Brooks and tree additional masculine contributors in Eagle, Idaho.

Analia, Spencer and four boys under four in Grand Island, Nebraska. 

Bianca, Joseph and a duo of adorable little women in Norwalk, Connecticut. 

Mandy and Spencer Blessedly near family in SLC, Utah.

Valentina is enjoying single life in SLC, Utah.

 Daniel and Veronica still living on the other side of the world in Manila.

Daniel's sister is in Brazil

Daniel's brothers and mother live in Uruguay.

My sister Vanessa still in Mexico City, Mexico.

My  sister Mari and Mom in Orlando, Florida.

My sister Liz in Los Angeles, CA

MY nephew Alex is the only family member who still lives in El Salvador. 

So if I wanted to go on vacation, I got all those places to visit and know for sure, we'll have a good time. I think our next stop this year will be Uruguay for sure. It has been a year and a half since we were there for Nico's wedding in July 2017.  I love visiting family, is the thing that makes me the happiest. 

Con amor,

Vero