Every Tuesday students at BYU and employees of the Church get a chance to
listen to amazing devotionals so every Wednesday I will post something I have
heard the day before or at a different day like the one here given in 1992 by
Jan Lee that really touched me.
In her talk, she described
a story of her daughter when she came to see the kindergarten teacher. The
teacher asked? pick your favorite color of crayon and write your name? but she
didn't do anything and just stared at the paper and crayons. Later her mother
found out that the reason she didn't write her name even though she knew how was
because she was looking for her favorite color "pink" but there were
no pink crayons.
She went on saying: In life sometimes we are given things that we
may not chose for ourselves but it is what we have to work with.
When my daughter Stephanie
was five years old, I took her to register for kindergarten. When we arrived,
she was invited to go into a classroom to “play games” with the teachers and
other children. As a former elementary school teacher, I was certain the “games”
were a method of testing for placement purposes.
A teacher was sitting just
outside the room with a box of crayons and several sheets of blank paper, and I
smiled confidently to myself from across the hall as Stephanie was asked to
choose her favorite color and write her name. “She could write all the
names in our family,” I thought to myself. “She is so well prepared, there
isn’t anything in that room she can’t handle!” But Stephanie just stood there.
The teacher repeated the instructions, and again my daughter stood still,
staring blankly at the box of crayons with her knees locked and hands behind
her back.
In the sweet, patient
voice that teachers use when they are beginning to feel slightly impatient,
the teacher asked once more, “Stephanie, choose your favorite color, dear, and
write your name on this piece of paper.” I was about to come to my daughter’s
aid when the teacher kindly said, “That’s okay. We will help you learn to write
your name when you come to school in the fall.” With all the restraint I could
muster, I watched Stephanie move into the classroom with a teacher who believed
my daughter did not know how to write her name.
On the way home I tried to
ask as nonchalantly as possible why she had not written her name. “I couldn’t,”
she replied. “The teacher said to choose my favorite color, and there wasn’t a
pink crayon in the box!”
I reflect on this incident
often as I watch my children grow and observe life in general. How many times
are we, as Heavenly Father’s children, immobilized because the choice we had in
mind for ourselves just isn’t available to us, at least not at the time we want
it?
Is progress halted when
acceptance into a chosen major is denied, when enrollment in a required class
is closed, when a desired job doesn’t come through, when that dream date
doesn’t progress beyond friendship, or when the money hoped for isn’t there?
Are we ever, for reasons that are hard to understand or beyond our control,
faced with a set of circumstances that we did not have in mind for ourselves?
In other words, what happens when we look in the box and the pink crayon just
isn’t there? It is so easy to lock our knees, put our hands behind our back,
and do nothing when things wished for and dreamed about are beyond our reach.
But to do so would defy the very reason we are placed here on this earth. As
hard as it sometimes is to understand, stumbling blocks are essential to our
progression.
Remember what the Lord
said: “If thou art called to pass through [some] tribulation . . . know . . .
that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good” (D&C 122:5–7).
I have often wondered how
Joseph of old must have felt as his brothers sold him into Egypt. Did he think
that the good life was all over for him, that he would never again experience
joy? What about Abraham and Isaac? Did they wonder why that horrible,
sacrificial commandment had fallen to them? How did Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, and
Hannah feel as they bore the stigma of being barren, when in those days it was
interpreted as a sign of God’s displeasure? How did Lehi and Sariah feel as
they fled from their home and friends in Jerusalem to live in the wilderness?
And in this dispensation, would Hyrum and Joseph ever have chosen the
difficulties they faced?
In each of these cases, as
we observe the lives of men and women in scripture, it is easy to see how
people can triumph over adversity. But in our own everyday lives it is often
difficult to see beyond our own frustrations, to remain focused, to see the end
from the beginning.
Elder Richard G. Scott
wisely instructed in the October 1991 general conference:
Trust [the Lord], even
when in eternal perspective it temporarily hurts very much. Have patience when
you are asked to wait when you want immediate action. . . . The path you are to
walk through life may be very different from others. You may not always know
why He does what He does, but you can know that He is
perfectly just and perfectly merciful. [“Obtaining Help from the Lord,” Ensign, November 1991,
p. 86; emphasis added]
When my son Tom was
twelve, his dream was to be a professional basketball player. Even though he
practiced into the night, he was worried that he wasn’t the best on his team
and even more worried that he was too short. I remember one night when he asked
me, “What will happen to me if I don’t reach my goal?” We talked for a long
time about choices and individual differences, about challenges and how to know
when to persevere and when to change direction.
Tom made the high school
team, but when it became apparent that there were other things he could do
better, he changed direction. The crayon he would have chosen as a teenager
just wasn’t there for him. He had to color his life with other choices. At
twelve he thought his life would be worthless if he couldn’t play pro ball. At
twenty-seven he feels successful in what he is doing and is happy in his
profession.
Life is like that, and
what we might want at twelve or twenty or forty-two or even seventy-two might
have to be adapted to the opportunities and options that are available to us at
the time.
A few years ago my sister
and I were walking along the beach when we began a very serious talk about
life, its challenges, and our growing ability to handle whatever came to us. “I
think I have lived long enough now that I could handle any challenge given me,”
I naively stated.
“I think I could, too,”
was my sister’s quick reply.
Then the question that I
will remember forever came from her: “Janet, what would be your most difficult
challenge?”
I didn’t even need to
think. I already knew. “The hardest thing for me,” I began, “would be the death
of my husband. I can’t imagine life without Rex.”
“That would be hard,” she
answered, “but I think divorce would be even more difficult for me.”
The preposterousness of
our fears was interesting. Rex was running marathons and the picture of health.
My sister’s marriage seemed very much intact, and so, of course, we laughed at
suggestions that couldn’t possibly become realities.
Just eight months later
Rex lay near death in a hospital and my sister’s divorce proceedings had begun.
Remembering that day and the year that followed will always bring back
bittersweet memories for me. My sister and I most certainly would not have
chosen those colors from our box of choices, but we had to pull our lives
together from the colors that were there. Today she is happy in a new marriage
to a wonderful man, and my life with Rex is rich and full. My choice would not
have been to experience what was given me to do, yet, as a result, each day is
filled with deeper meaning, greater understanding, and new insights. If I could
trade it all back now and take the challenges away, I would do so in a minute.
I don’t like the fact that my husband has cancer. It is definitely a deviation
from the life I had in mind for us. But if I could turn back
the clock, would I also have to trade in what I have learned? I wouldn’t want
to give that part back. Always having our first choice might mean giving up
unknown benefits. As Emerson said, “For everything you have missed, you have
gained something else” (Essays: First Series [1841],
“Compensation”).
Let me share with you part
of a letter someone wrote after hearing the story of Stephanie and her crayons.
I don’t have all the
colors of crayons that I want—but I do have all the colors that I need. When I
need new or different colors in my life, Heavenly Father will make sure that I
have them. I know that he will never give me a challenge beyond my reach or
beyond the tools he has given me to work with. I also know that the challenges
and trials I have are in reality blessings, and I will be better and stronger
for having gone through them.
I bear my testimony that
God lives, that he hears and answers our prayers, that he will help us through
life’s challenges because he loves us and wants us to return to him. It is my
prayer that we will color our lives in a beautiful way with whatever colors are
available to us, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. (Janet
G. Lee, wife of Rex E. Lee, gave this devotional address at Brigham Young
University on 14 January 1992)
I absolutely love this woman’s
wisdom in her talk and hope you find it helpful too.
Con amor,
Vero
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