Teaching about setting goals

I taught at the Institute a class on setting goals. I told them  how there are short term goals and long term goals and even daily chores. All goals need to include spiritual as well as temporal things in our lives.  President Monson has declared to find time for our families, our jobs, for ourselves, our constant learning, our service in the community, but most of all, finding time for Christ.


  I showed the students the time capsule I made with the children in Primary and the things we sealed  inside like our testimony. I also show them my vision board and how it helps me remember the things that I want to accomplish in the future. It keeps me focus on the type of things I want to spend my time doing.


As I am writing this, a story from Steven R. Covey comes to mind as he shared at a time management seminar he used an illustration as he stood in front of the group of high-powered over achievers business students he said: “Okay, time for a quiz” and he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouth mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. He also produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar full?” Everyone in the class yelled, “Yes.” The time management expert replied, “Really?” He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. He dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks. He then asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time the class was on to him. “Probably not,” one of them answered. “Good!” he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?” “No!” the class shouted. Once again he said, “Good.” Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?” One eager beaver raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!” “No,” the speaker replied, “that’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is, “If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all. What are the ‘big rocks’ in your life, time with loved ones, your faith, your education, your dreams, a worthy cause, teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you’ll never get them in at all. So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question, “What are the ‘big rocks’ in my life?” Then, put those in your jar first.”


I am grateful for that parable because it helped me step back and think about what my big rocks are that I need to put in my jar first.  Once I remembered what my big rocks are in my life it made it a lot easier for me to assign a priority to all of those tasks waiting to get done. Elder Ballard suggested that we take time to ponder the order of priorities to reach our desired goals.


Here’s an idea for all of us:  What if we go gather some rocks from outside, get a sharpie marker, and then get an empty jar – then we can write on each rock using the sharpie what we want the “big rocks” to be in our life.  Then we can place it on our bedside table or bathroom counter or somewhere we will be sure to see it each morning when we wake up.  That can serve as a daily reminder for how we should prioritize each day….big rocks always come first! I saw this example in Puerto Rico as I attended  a relief society activity. We wrote special attributes like love, charity, faith etc.


I am looking at my big rocks on my vision board today and have realized that there are some things for sure I am doing and some I am not. Example: Item number 1. Temple attendance yes! and not only that but I am also a temple worker on Thursdays. 2. Reading the scriptures, daily prayers and family home evenings Yes! except when we forget. LOL 3. Diet and Exercising, Yes! I even have hired a trainer and go to zumba in the evenings and I only prepare food from scratch, no more canned processed foods 4. Travel, Yes! This year alone I have gone to Chile, El Salvador, Utah three times, Idaho, Nebraska twice, New York twice, and Miami too many to count! 5.piano is one I am neglecting a little so I'll get to it this week. 6. writing my book is another one that needs my attention and I will continue another chapter today as Daniel has gone out of town. 7. learning French has not been a big priority for me, it is more like a hobby so I can work in the temple with French speaking patrons. 8. Investing yes! My father always said: save your money to invest for a rainy day either start a business or invest it in the stock market or on real estate. I haven't started a business, I don't know much about investing in the market but I do know how to buy and rent out properties. Not the ideal business but it is something for starters. 9. Family History is one I am  neglecting too and I only have it in my vision board because it is one item in my patriarchal blessing. And there you have folks, those are the nine big rocks in my life at the moment.

FHE: What is our mission?

Today for family home evening we listen to a presentation by elder Gay. He talked about accomplished the work in a way that we ask ourselves what is our mission in this life? What does our Heavenly Father want us to do? Don't go to work and especially for the Church thinking that all you have is a job to do. Think of the impact you are making on the world around you. Also don't think that because you went to Harvard and were successful as a business man that you are better than anyone else because our Heavenly Father loves each one of us the same.

Be excited for your future!

 "Just because the past didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, doesn't mean your future can't be better than you've ever imagines. "  Unknown.

I want to start my post today with another blogger's Jara Golden, words. She wrote the following;

"I was asked an interesting series of questions a couple of months ago. More surprising to me than the topic of conversation, was the language used to describe the events in my life this woman wanted to gain clarity around.


Her initial message asked how I was able to be “so graceful in dealing with what happened?”


I asked if she meant my divorce.


She confirmed that she was asking about my divorce, and went on to say she was intrigued by how I’ve “handled it so well despite the circumstances”, and that she was interested in hearing how I got through such “heartbreak”.


I don’t think the conversation went quite as she had planned. Actually, I know it didn’t because she told me.


I shared this with her...


I didn’t “deal with what happened”, I CHOSE what happened, and DECIDED how I would RESPOND to a situation I had created, or at the very least allowed, rather than REACT to something that had “happened to me”. I never felt like I had to “deal” with anything.


As for how I was able “handle things well despite the circumstances”... what can I say? In one way or another I chose each and every one of the circumstances I was living with. If I was going to try and blame “them” for what was “happening to me” I may as well have been pointing the finger right back at myself. 


As I see it, an opportunity was created where two people could have opted to go along with society’s belief that the end of a marriage meant the end of a relationship, friendship, and partnership, or we could create our own set of beliefs in which we could allow ourselves and each other to be our most authentic selves and embrace that.


It didn’t happen over night, but I was able to see him as perfectly him, and he was able to see me as perfectly me. We stopped wishing for one another to be any different than we actually were in the present moment. We were able to take personal responsibility for the part we each played in the mess we had created, discuss the future, sometimes with tears in our eyes, with a certainty that the honesty, vulnerability, and authenticity we were now communicating with would be the foundation for the co-parenting relationship we wanted, the friendship we were restablishing, and the path that would lead us to the future we both wanted. Individually and together.


As for the “heartbreak”, it just wasn’t something I identified with.


I think I was heartbroken up until the point when we actually decided we were geting a divorce. Before the decision was made, I sat wishing and hoping that things would change, or that they would somehow be different, but I did nothing to make that happen. Once I took a stand for what I wanted and believed in, I realized this:


• Nothing around you will change until you do

• No one is coming to save you

• You’ve got to get up, go out, and do things for yourself


Gandhi said "be the change we wish to see in the world", not "hope", not "wish", BE.


At that time, my concern was to create peace, happiness, and stability for my children and I. Heartbreak was not a feeling or emotion that had any place in my day to day life. I wanted to feel happy, empowered, and like I could take on the world. 


Telling myself that I was anything other than those things, would once again have cast me as the victim of my story, stripping any hope of me being abe to create the changes I so desperately wanted to see in my life.


I had already spent years as the victim. Heartbroken, and wanting more from my relationship. It had finally become clear that neither of us was feeling fulfilled in the relationship we had created. So, we decided to divorce, and quite literally, love each other through it.


I met my ex-husband all over again while we were divorcing. 


I watched him struggle to find himself as a “single man”. I watched him find his own place to live, fall in love, and become the father I always knew he had wanted to be. Even now I see him creating a life he’s happy to live and creating the space for me to do the same.


Why would I want anything other than to see this man, the father of my children, and someone whom I love dearly, be anything but happy? What could I possibly gain from that? How would that enrich mine or my children's lives at all? What type of energy would I attract to myself if I wanted or wished anything but the absolute best for him?


My divorce didn’t break my heart, it didn’t break his either; it created an opportunity for us both to heal in ways that may not have been possible had we stayed together.


Nothing has any meaning except the meaning we assign it. 


I could have dealt with circumstances and heartbreak, but instead I chose to find a better way, a way that served my family and I... I chose to make deliberate choices so I could immediatly create the life I knew I was capable of creating... a life full of love, joy, abundance, honesty, and authenticity. 


I live it every day. Not by chance, by choice.


The woman I'm speaking of, may never see this message, but in the off chance you’ve ever wondered the same things she did, this is how I loved my way through my divorce."

Today as I was sitting at Stake Conference ( I can't believe how many people attend those in the DR Wow! )We managed to find parking and a some seats but the place got more and more crowded so Daniel gave up his seat for a little girl who was sitting on her mother's lap, because he is that considerate and thoughtful and plain wonderful. He is a gentleman, someone who cares about other people and not just him.

I couldn't help to think how fortunate I am to have found someone like him and hope someday his ex- and my ex- will realized how good we all have it. I like to think like this woman on her blog that our divorce didn't break us, it created an opportunity to become better people than if we had stayed together.

At least with Daniel, I will never hear someone tell me: "I love you, but I am not in love with you." Like when you love your dog but you are not in love with him. Hearing those words made me feel unworthy, sad and disappointed. That was a very low point in my life. 

Everyone has a story of disappointment they have had to face. Times when the thing they were praying for didn't happen. Times when they tried their best but didn't succeed. Times when things didn't go their way. It has happened to all people. But just because there have been disappointments in your past doesn't mean that the future isn't going to be amazing in fact, it's often just the opposite. 

Many times the disappointments we have face in the past have been leading us toward something a hundred times better in our future. Sometimes we simply needed to learn some lessons first so we will be ready to handle all the incredible things that are in store for us in the future. 

Going through hard times makes us more patient, and sensitive, and humble. Hard times help us discover the qualities we want to develop in ourselves, and without those qualities becoming a part of our character the future successes could turn us into a person we wouldn't really like being. So when the disappointments happen embrace them and recognize they are a gift that is helping prepare you for something better than you have ever imagined.

 Fast forward, today, I feel so loved and feel so much at peace. We can always find a positive way to view the things we are going through in life. After a beautiful and uplifting service we got home to start cooking everything from the milanesas to the salads and soup. It turned out a wonderful dinner and this is something I am now better at. Cooking was not my forte with my first marriage, neither keeping the house clean or keeping myself beautiful. Those three things I have to admit were lacking in my previous marriage but now I have learned to develop those qualities with my new life and loving every minute of it!

Love,
Vero

Liz's birthday

Today my sister Liz turned 49, she invited all her girls friends to a luncheon in her front porch. The best place to hold a party. If there is one thing I love about her house is her huge front room perfect to hold parties. What a neat design that I have not seen in any other home. So unique and practical. My sister Liz reminds me of mother Theresa, always giving, always patient with everyone. She is an amazing wife and mother. She is also a great example to me. She takes care of so many of us sisters and my mother. I don't know what I would do if she didn't watch over our assets in El Salvador.


One thing we discuss from time to time is how hard it must have been for our own mother to have been marginalized all her life as a single mother by choice. How hard it must have been to be considered less than desirable and to have our father not appreciate her. She no doubt loved him and cared for him but did he never cared enough to marry her? I never understood his position on not wanting to do the right thing.


I once saw an article that read: "Divorce can be disastrous. But where children are involved never getting married is far worse.' In an open letter to Sir Paul Coleridge, Kathy Gyngell wrote: "I salute you, I have nothing but admiration for your standing up, speaking out and lambasting contemporary casual attitudes to marriage, divorce and birth out of wedlock... Marriage everywhere is the bridge between bonds and kin relationships integral to the functioning and survival of human society. It defines social relationships, social and economic responsibilities. It establishes genealogical connections and confers "belonging" and social identity... No other set of relationships or connections whether through friendship, work, sport  or volunteering replicate the function of marriage."


Liz was fortunate to knew better and has stayed home raising her children. She loves being a mom. I admire her for that. She deserves to have a good life surrounded by a good husband and children. Happy birthday little sister. I wish we were celebrating together. Maybe next year when you turn the big 50!!

Time Capsule

Today was activity day making a time capsule and learning about our testimonies. I had  the children learn the five basic things about a testimony:1. God is our loving Father in Heaven. 2. His Son Jesus Christ, is our Savior and Redeemer. 3. Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, and he was the instrument through which the gospel of Jesus Christ was restored to the earth and the Book of Mormon was translated. 4. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord's Church on the earth today. 5. This Church is led by living prophet who received revelation.


The children were to write their own testimonies and place them in the time capsule with another paper that talked about them. Such as: Full name, birthday, place of birth, color of hair, color of eyes, father's name, mother's name, how many brothers and sisters, how old, teacher's name, grade in school, favorite subject, favorite book, favorite food, favorite sport, things I enjoy doing, best friends, I would love to travel to, I want to be when I grow up, my favorite pet is, favorite song, favorite color, favorite candy,  when I grow up I want to live in, etc.


 I also did mine to be opened in 2019 five years from now to see how my life has changed in five years and I think I would like to do this every five years on our anniversary.

Breaking the habit

I was doing pretty good posting daily but all of the sudden one day came and went and another and another and forgot to get in my computer but today I decided to write in the mornings about my previous day than catching up at the end of every day so I don't forget to write a post.


This week  has been interesting because I started teaching at the Institute every Tuesday so on Monday I did some research on the subject of the Holy Spirit and found a very good talk by elder Bednar that was made into a you tube 3 part segments. I discovered as I was teaching that perhaps the person that learn the most is the teacher. I also discover that I love teaching the young adults.


Today I had the most amazing experience at the temple.  I felt the pure love of Christ in there. I was asked to be guide the missionaries looking for their respective dressing rooms when all of the sudden I felt this immense love for them and for all the goodness they bring. There was so much light in their eyes and such angels that I could cry. What a remarkable amazing young men and women to leave so much comfort behind in order to serve. I love our missionaries!

Getting ready for the Holidays

I live here in the Dominican Republic and since there is no Thanksgiving Holiday, everyone starts thinking about Christmas as early as September so that is exactly what I am doing. I love this time of the year. I love preparing to and buying gifts. I love  the reaction on people's faces when they open my gift. My list so far goes as follows:
Our neighbors and ex-pats: Cabrara, Corbitts, Kimballs, Madsens, Flakes, Antivilos, Cornishes, Woods, Lee, Martinez, Rappleyes, Taylors, villaseñors and Zivics.
Missionary couples and temple workers: Gardners, Jensens,  Almontes, Morales, etc. 
Peple in our ward: Bishop Rotellini, the Smarts, etc.
Visiting teaching ladies: Vero, Damaris, Virginia
Home teaching families: We just got them and I don't even know who they are, three total.
People at the office:  Grace, Ingrid, Katty, Elizabeth, Roxana, Diaz, Alvarado, Toro, etc
Family in Uruguay: Abuela Nela,Estela, Roberto, Sandra, Miguel Angel, Cecilia, Marcos y familia, Pamela y familia, Matias y familia etc.
My family abroad: Vane, Liz, Mari and my mom.
Our family: Andres, Gabriel, Pablo, Alejandro, Ani, Hernan, Vale, Mandy, Bianca, Cristi. 

I love giving presents. I love planning surprises and putting thought into the little details and making a gift really special. I have so much fun anticipating the other person’s excitement and reaction that giving is way more exciting for me than getting a present. Not that I don’t love, love, love getting a gift – I mean come on, who doesn’t?!? But I can honestly say that I have way more fun with the giving. My only problem is we got way too many people on our gift giving list and I can’t cut anyone off. I am going to be in Uruguay this Christmas so the least I can do is to get everyone a gift.

 This holiday season I will try putting extra thought into our gifts. Remember that they don’t have to cost money, in fact the most meaningful gifts typically don’t cost much at all! The most meaningful gifts are the ones that you put thought into making them personal and meaningful, like a handwritten card, or a digital photo frame with meaningful photos, or a handmade craft of some kind. Those are the gifts someone will hang on to long after the expensive gifts have worn out. I plan to make a book of meaningful stories to read at Christmas time. This is something the sister Andersen did and also Mary Antivilo did for their families. Shhh, but that should be kept a secret. I hope I get to give some little thing for each person this Christmas no matter how simple it is but that it would show I care about them enough to make the extra effort.