Living to Love

LIVING TO LOVE UPDATE

WRITTEN BY: Bianca Merkley POSTED: August 21, 2015

 I love thinking of things to do for other people. I am doing this for sure in the next two months. From September 10th to November 10th, I will be away to help both Cristi and Bianca with their babies and I am sure I will think of things I can do to be of service.

Whenever I am away, I don't write on my blog. I take a notebook and write a travel journal and do a summery post when I get back. So adios and hasta la vista amigos. It' s time to start packing but before I bid farewell I want to share Bianca's thoughtful post. Now, I hope you get inspired to do the same. This is what her post looked like:

"It’s amazing to me that we’re already nearing the end of August. Where is the time going?! So far, this has been such a beautiful month. I have loved doing this monthly challengebecause of the experiences I’m having, and also because of the things that I am learning in the process. I made a list of the daily acts of love which I am listing in this post so that I can reflect back on the month so far; but I don’t want this to become a, “Look at what I did!” kind of thing, either. I’ve been struggling with that because while I want to share my experiences, I also truly don’t want it to seem like this is about me. The purpose of this all is to love just a little more, and I find it so inspiring to hear about the experiences of others who are also making these daily efforts. My husband showed me this video by Stuart Edge (which of course makes me cry a little every time I see it) and it is seriously so sweet. I know this isn’t Christmas time, and acts of love don’t have to be about giving money, but I love how this video inspires me to continue making efforts to reach out show love in various ways.

So here’s a quick recap of the monthly challenge up to this point…

Day 1: Went to visit my aunt who was having back pain

Day 2: Left quarters at toy and gum ball machine at the gas station

Day 3: Stole my sisters car to vacuum it out and wash it

Day 4: Bought a welcome home caramel apple treat for my aunt and cousin

Day 5: Gave up my massage appointment time slot for a friend who was grieving and needed it more than me

Day 6: Watched my nephew so my sister could take a nap after a stressful night in the hospital

Day 7: Invited a friend recently diagnosed with cancer over for dinner

Day 8: Left a “movie night” at the RedBox (movie treats and a few dollars)

Day 9: Took cookies to a neighbor

Day 10: Made my husband an extra special lunch and slipped a love note inside

Day 11: Put quarters in someone’s meter who had run out of time and left a note on their car

Day 12: “Heart Attacked” a girl from our church who just had surgery

Day 13: Babysat for free and cleaned their kitchen too

Day 14: Gave a compliment to someone at the grocery store

Day 15: Made breakfast for my family

Day 16: Watched my friend’s baby so she and her husband could spend an hour on the lake in McCall together

Day 17: Complimented the cashier on her jewelry while checking out

Day 18: Gave my husband a massage

Day 19: Dropped off cookies and a note to my acupuncturist

Day 20: Smiled at and had conversations with strangers while on the elevator

Day 21: Left a very generous tip to our waitress who had been telling us of her struggles as a mother of two young boys

Day 22: Took time to really listen and be present while having a conversation with a distant relative

Day 23: Helped my sister with her Sunday School lesson

Day 24: Sent a loving text message to someone I knew was in need of encouragement

So I initially started the month off with so much excitement and energy that I found myself wanting to do these huge extravagant acts of kindness every day. They were fun and rewarding, honestly. However, then I got a little busier as the month went along, and I had some days where I didn’t have time to bake cookies, or deliver flowers…and I didn’t want it to be about spending lots of money either. Somehow, though, just simply sending a kind text message to a friend didn’t seem like “enough,” in comparison to the other acts of love that I had done.

I actually noticed this the most on day 14 when I was in the grocery store. I was in a rush to grab groceries for a weekend trip we were taking, but I decided that I wanted to pay a compliment to my cashier as my daily act of love. It was so hard for me to muster up the courage for this, and I don’t even know why! This was supposed to be easy and almost effortless, but I didn’t know what to say to the man who was scanning my food. My initial approach was going to be to compliment him on something he was wearing, but I felt awkward doing that because it felt ingenuine and unnatural. I have to admit, I chickened out and didn’t hardly say anything to him. Then I went out to my car and realized I had forgot to buy ice; so I went back into the store, determined this time to say something. I said to my cashier this time, “You are so sweet. Thank you.” That was it. I found for some reason that I felt so much more vulnerable in that moment then when I left movie snacks at the RedBox. I had to ask myself why this was the case. I think the reason for it being so difficult for me is that it required me to really step outside of myself in a way that brought on some vulnerability.

I’m finding that it’s really about opening the heart- and this is something that I’ve been working on but it is still so hard for me to do when I am busy, or feeling insecure/defensive/vulnerable or overly focused on myself and on what I am doing. This grocery store experience was just another reminder to me that smalls acts of love are just as important as bigger acts. My husband has even had to remind me of this from time to time during this month. Sometimes we get to the end of the day, and I’ll say to him, “Oh no! I haven’t don’t my kind act today yet, what should I do?” And he kindly reminds me that it can be small and still significant and of value. Honestly, I am always in awe of how my husband manages to talk to strangers, to compliment cashiers and to be friends with almost everyone he comes in contact with. This has never really been a strength of mine, but I so admire this quality and find myself striving to be more like that.

Now there are just a few days left of this challenge and it’s not too late to join. If you’ve had any experiences this month (or ever for that matter) with acts of love that either you’ve done or that have been directed toward you, please share them in the comments. I would LOVE to hear about them. Best wishes to all in their quest to love just a little more these next few days!"

Xo,

Girl power

Women in our family are very special to me Starting with Antonia my great-grandmother who had Hilda my grandmother who had Gloria my mother who had me Veronica who had Bianca who had Ruby. Wonderful! 

I hope all my granddaughters would know those very amazing women I knew as a child and as a young woman and young mother. I am so happy to be a woman. Being a woman is the best thing ever! We bring so much to this world.  The women in my family are the type that you give ten minutes in a room with someone they don't know and they will get to know every detail of your life, because we are latin ladies and latin women care about a person. 

The women in our family have certain traits inherited from our grandmother Hilda. she was confident but not cocky, she was intelligent but it didn't get to her head and she had integrity. She was a business woman all her life and supported her family, seven children all by herself. She was unstoppable! I remember how she used to love to travel the world. She had a good business, was able to purchase a home on her own, was a member of a nice beach club in El Salvador, Salinitas and even purchased eight spaces in parque del recuerdo where many destitute people who didn't have a place to get buried, were buried. No help from anyone. She never took any handouts and for that I am so proud of her.  

From the time you are born a girl, you learn to know how to get what you want. Have you ever watched how a little girl wraps her daddy around her finger? And no one showed her how to do it, it came naturally from birth. And have you ever watch a teenage girl ask for something? She was born to be a negotiator in ways that are mind boggling. 

Being born a girl is a great advantage. I love the fact that there is one more strong girl born to this family. Our precious Ruby May Merkley. Keep strong baby Ruby, you were born into a family of very strong women. 

Con amor,

Vero

Grateful for our Ruby

Monday letter as of 9/7/15

Hello girls:

Unless you have been totally removed from any news, you probably know by now that our family just gained a new member. Her name is Ruby May Merkley. Welcome to our clan, precious child!

Mom and baby are doing fine and what a blessing this is. My post today is to be grateful for what we already have.  So often in life we get sucked about every little thing we still want that we totally forget of just how blessed we already are and we spoil what we have by desiring what we have not. When that happens we can often slip into the mode of acting ungrateful and entitled without even realizing it. 

I have found that one of the best ways to avoid slipping into behavior like that is to find inspiring quotes and post them in places you are forced to see daily. You can write them on a post it note and stick it on your mirror or on a car dashboard  or any place where you can't help but notice it. Having these quotes around serves as a great wakeup call to help our thoughts and our heads stay focused on positive things. 

These are the three quotes I posted on my mirror as a reminder to have an attitude of gratitude.

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you  have not, but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

"No. We don't always get what we want. But consider this: There are people who will never have what you have right now."

"Happiness isn't about getting what you want all the time. It's about loving what you have and being grateful for it."

I hope you are all enjoying labor day weekend to the very max  and don't forget to live gratefully. 

Con amor,

Vero

Darin's testimony

If you haven't seen the movie: "He knows my name" is now available on video.

Darin Southam

Today being a fast and testimony Sunday, I find it appropriate to share this fellow's testimony he shared on his facebook page that has very much touch my heart. Darin Southam is his name and he went on a mission to El Salvador and anyone who has been to my country and has served for two years is my instant friend. This is what he wrote: 

"I don't do this very often but I have something to say and I believe in expressing oneself openly and honestly, when so moved upon. I am an actor, a writer, and a director. I am also a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I'm 'Mormon' if you will. Further, I am by definition, a devout Christian-- or at least I seek earnestly to be 'a person who exemplifies in his... life the teachings of Christ'. Of all the roles I have played as an actor, the most rewarding has been to play Jesus in multiple pictures. I cannot adequately express the blessing (and the stark reminder of my own imperfections) it has been to theatrically portray the Master and Creator of the universe.

I was baptized when I was 8, though my 'conversion' to Christ came later at 16, when I finally decided to stop wandering and truly commit my life to God. A year later, my father collapsed of a heart attack on a beach in Cancun Mexico-- only a week after my 17th birthday. Had I not come to know God a year prior to my father's death, I know without doubt, I would have handled the unforeseen adversity much differently.

As I confess to being a 'wanderer' in my early teens, I mean to say I didn't have a divine objective or a definitive goal to advance spiritually-- not that I deliberately sought to be 'rebellious', per se. I never drank alcohol, abused drugs (legal or illegal), and I was a virgin when I married the love of my life. Michelle was also a virgin before we married. I realize how strange these confessions may be in a 'modern' or 'progressive' world but nonetheless, there they are.

So how does a 'prude' person like me find himself in a business that is generally perceived to be overrun with corruption? My answer is simple: I want to change things. I want to shake things up-- disrupt the norm. I hope, in doing so, I can perhaps show someone-- who may be buying into the 'Hollywood' lifestyle as 'fun' and 'exciting'-- that nothing could be further from the truth. Yes I LOVE my job and I LOVE making films in Hollywood-- and yes it's sometimes fun to pose for the occasional photo-- but, if there is any doubt that 'Hollywood values' are deadly, please peruse the 'Deaths' section on Conservapedia and see just how many 'Hollywood' folks have bit the dust in the name of 'fun' and 'excitement':
http://www.conservapedia.com/Hollywood_values

With no desire to offend or diminish the happiness of anyone who has a different life, I can say, from my own experience of living-- as well as readily observing many adverse lifestyles-- lasting happiness is found when someone gives their life to Jesus Christ. And I dare say, that is the only way to happiness. Happiness that lasts anyways.

I am thrilled to see the advancement of Christian Cinema in Hollywood. With 'War Room' recently 'nearly dethroning' 'Straight Outta Compton' (thank the Lord, before another cop is brutally massacred), it is becoming more and more undeniable that Christian Cinema has a loyal, faithful, and lucrative audience.
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/08/30/another-faith-based-film-takes-hollywood-by-storm-here-are-the-movies-it-topped
http://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/war-room-stuns-box/2015/08/30/id/672649

I submit that we, ALL Christians-- regardless of denomination, must UNITE in support of Christian Cinema. Evangelicals, Protestants, Baptists, Catholics, and yes Mormons-- We must stop judging others and unilaterally declaring who is Christian and who is not. How is it 'Christian' to reach into someone else's mind and tell them they are not a Christian when they declare by their works that they are indeed converted to the gentle Christ? Nothing could be further from being Christian than to dictate the mind of another. Said Thomas Jefferson, 'I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man'. I embrace this creed as my own. I have sworn the same.

Now, in a world rapidly descending into moral relativism, a UNITED CHRISTIAN MOVEMENT is the ONLY thing that will stop the degeneracy. I believe the Bible to be the Word of God. I also believe in The Book of Mormon, which just so happens to mention Christ every 1.7 verses-- something even the Bible cannot boast of. From The Book of Mormon we read that God 'manifesteth himself unto ALL those who believe in him (regardless of denomination), by the power of the Holy Ghost; yea (among) every nation, kindred, tongue, and people' (2 Nephi 26:13).

So, regardless of what 'type' of Christian we profess to be, let us unite in the production and support of Christian Cinema. That is my commitment. Who's with me?

Please LIKE and SHARE (or TAG friends)... and throw an 'Amen' in the comments if you're feeling lively.

ALSO, here is my latest film Just Let Go Movie, in theaters September 28th:
WATCH TRAILER HERE: https://www.facebook.com/JustLetGoMovie/videos/901107683302578
(See me at minute 1:12 and 1:15 as the District Attorney)

There you have it. I love people who have the courage to stand up for what they know it's true! 

Con amor,

Vero

US Air Base gone!

Today we went to the old Clark Air Base in Luzon Island in the Philippines, located about 40 miles northwest of Metro Manila. Clark Air Base was an American military facility during the Cold War (1903 to 1991.)

 According to google, the base was a stronghold of the combined Filipino and American forces during the end of World War II and a backbone of logistical support during the Vietnam war until 1975. Following the departure of American forces almost 25 years ago, it became the site of Clark International Airport, the Filipino Air Force and the Freeport zone. 

We found a duty free story and decided to go in. If we had more time and money we would have stopped at another two duty free stores we saw on the way to visit a Stake Center there which was mainly the purpose of our visit. It amazes me to learn how much Americanized some of the areas are and what an influence the US had on the Philippines. 

I also realized that things need to be used or they get ruin. There were so many beautiful buildings that now are completely in ruins and that was sad to watch.  Many of the buildings are vacant and in terrible condition.  I find it hard to believe that so much money invested in those buildings at one time are wasted.

Sometimes I can't help to compare other Islands like Hawaii and Puerto Rico where the United States still has ownership and how much better off hey are economically. Too bad the Philippines is not a US territory. What a difference having a good Government makes! 

Con amor,
Vero

Baby's arrival!!

Yesterday, September 3 2015 is a day I will never forget! I was getting ready to go to bed here in Manila when I get a call from Cristi and I instantly thought o.k. this must mean that she is having her baby. She had been worried the baby was going to come too early. Five weeks too early! The doctor had told her she should try to keep this baby cooking for at least two more weeks. 

At 37 weeks a baby can be born and not be considered premature anymore. This was the goal so on September 3rd when she called, I thought she was having more contractions but surprise, surprise, it was not Cristi but Bianca having her baby due by November 12th not September 3rd. 

My sweet Bianca is a mother! Yes! Her baby is finally here weighing 3 lbs. 3 oz.  measuring 15" but we are still praying for this wonderful miracle to keep growing. She is beautiful. Ruby May will be her name. I got a flight schedule to leave Manila exactly one week later. It was the best I could find with this late notice. 

I can't even imagine the outpouring of love at this time for my Bianca. Here are a few examples of people who have written on their Facebook wall: 

Ruby is in the best hands in the world. What a team!!
JO, This pictures make my heart melt!! I imagine you playing and loving Ruby! ( I have seen you in action with Manu) and then Bianca is a caring and loving Mom!! wow I send all my love to both of you so excited to meet her soon!

Amazing!! Welcome to the world, Sweet Ruby May! Love and prayers for all of you!
Ruby will be a force to be reckoned with so far she has shown that is a determined little one!! All posit thoughts for Bianca Ruby and Joseph!!
I don't want to take up your time or I'd be on the phone to you now...please just know Karys and I are holding that precious baby and you and Joe in our hearts. Just seeing the picture brought tears to my eyes. You're a MOMMY B!! I never seemed to take the easy way to get anywhere either... It's a blessing and a curse, but her resilience and strengths going to be unsurpassed. I want to squeeze and hold you. This will have jot do for now. Love you guys TOO MUCH !!

God Bless. She is so precious!
Congratulations! God bless your baby!
So happy for you, sweet little Ruby!
Felicidades, deseo baby Ruby se recupere pronto!

Congratulations!!! God Bless you all guys.

Congratulations!! Blessings all around!!

Congratulations! We will pray for Ruby. I know she will be well.

Congratulations! I am so beyond happy for you! You will be the best parents ever!

Congratulations! May God bless baby an her amazing parents!

Congratulations! I’ll be praying for you guys and that all will go well until she can come home!

Simply beautiful. I will hold you all in my prayers.

So amazing. Life is beyond precious and Ruby has come into an amazing and loving family! Prayers from our family to ours for health and strength.

CONGRATS!! Prayers for baby Ruby.

Beautiful sweet baby and beautiful name. Congratulations!

Congrats and prayers for your beautiful baby.

That is quite the surprise! Hoping for a quick recovery for the both.

Congrats Merk! That’s so rad and love the name.

Congratulations to an amazing couple. Ruby has chosen you. God bless The family!

Congratulations!! So happy for you!! Her name is adorable! Prayers for her to continue to grow healthy and strong!

So happy for you guys!

So precious… lots of love and prayers your way!

Congratulations! Sending much love to you guys from NYC

Congrats to a beautiful family!

Congrats to both. What a precious babe.

Congratulations to both of y’all… So precious…sending much love.

So wonderful! Congrats!!

Holy cow! Congratulations!

I love her name! So sweet! Stay strong Ruby!

Be strong indeed! You too mom and dad. Love you guys!

I’m sure you guys are over the moon! So happy!

What an angel! She has the greatest parents, I am so happy for you!

Congrats and prayers for both mom and Ruby!

Awww Congratulations to Bianca and hubby. Very happy to both of you. Enjoy your new bundle of joy.

I’m just so happy for you guys! My last son didn’t care to wait either, lol, he came kin a 3lbs 2 oz. Ruby only needs 1 lb. 14 oz. to come home… She gets all my love…Can’t wait to see her pretty face.

Congratulations! We look forward to years of pictures!! Is Ruby your belly baby or your heart baby?

So very happy for your little family. Congratulations and we will keep little Ruby in our prayers.

This is wonderful! God bless you all. You are in heaven’s hand. Ruby was my grandmother’s name. She surrounded herself with all things red. Love it!

Congratulations! God bless baby Ruby!

Congratulations to you, Joseph and Bianca! Precious sweet Ruby!! We are praying for her and you. Hope all goes well.

Congratulations brother. Love you guys.

Congrats Joseph and Bianca!! I’m so happy for you and your new little gem.

So happy for baby Ruby, can’t wait to meet her and give her lots of besitos.

Congratulations. So happy for you all.

Welcome Ruby May! I am happy to share a birthday with  you! God bless!

Congrats guys! We’re so happy, hope everything goes well, your in our  thoughts and prayers.

Ruby May! Wahoo!! Much love to all!

Prayers for you at this time!

Congratulations!! Happy birthday Ruby May!

All of our love and prayers, baby Ruby

Congratulations, my prayers are with you both

I am so happy for you guys. Ruby is blessed to have the most amazing parents and probably was so excited to meet you that she couldn’t wait any longer. Having a baby in the NICU is hard, stay strong and we will keep praying.  XOXO

We’re thrilled for you! Miracles happen!

What??? So excited for you guys and glad the girls are doing well Hang in there, the NICU will be over before you know it. Can’t wait to meet beautiful Ruby.

Oh. My Gosh!! Congratulations! How wonderful for the both of you! What a beautiful name.

Congratulations! She’s precious! Love her name! Praying for her swift recovery!

Ah Congratulations! I believe in miracles!

I am so happy to hear that she and Bianca are holding strong! We will keep you guys in our prayers!! Congrats on the additions to the family!

Congratulations! Love her name.

She is perfect. So happy she is here. Xoxo

I am so happy for you guys!

So happy for you guys and I hope she can go home with you guys soon. So Sweet!

All our best to your little family.

Congrats! God bless her.

Yay little Ruby! Can’t wait to meet your little princess so happy for you!

Congrats Joseph and Bianca!! Welcome to earth Ruby!

Awesome name! Sending prayers and congratulations!

What a little sweetheart!

So very exciting. She is a lucky little human to have you two by her side. Sending love.

Congrats! Prayers coming your way!

So very exciting. She is big and strong! God works in mysterious ways. Glad she is doing well.

Congratulations! Love and prayers to you guys and little Ruby so many blessings.

Yeah!! Congratulations!!

Bless you little Ruby. You have wonderful parents!

Congratulations! Blessings to Ruby and the new parents.

What a surprised! We will keep little Ruby and her parents in our prayers. Congratulations!

OMG… God will nurture her ad make her stronger than any baby… Congratulations!!

She is a fighter, I can tell. So beautiful, sweet little Ruby May

Congratulations! You will both be in our prayers.

We’ll pray for you fam.

Lots of love to your family! Congrats!

Lord answers prayers—so happy for you all.

YAY!! She looks great! Amazing how perfect they are huh! So so happy for you!

Oh Congrats Bianca, what a little blessing she is. Sending lots of prayers your way. Text me anything if you want to chat. I know the feelings and emotions you are feeling all to well. Hang in there. The modern medicine we have help these tiny babies is amazing and a wonderful blessing. Prayers to you.

Congratulations!! We wish you all the best and pray Ruby Mat get strong and healthy enough to go home. XOXO

Good job , momma! What a road you guys have traveled I can’t wait to see the pictures of you guys holding her. God bless your and your family.

Congratulations, God bless her!
I am so happy for both of you!Welcome to the club! We will keep your sweet little Ruby May our prayers. 

Love you guys, in our thoughts and prayers.

Grandma CHA can’t wait to hold the precious baby. Please give her a big kiss from me. I’m praying for both recovery lots of love grandmy CHA

We are praying and fasting for your sweetheart!

Congrats!! She is going to be great! I am excited for u both.

(And last but  not least) I cried when I saw this. Ruby May is a blessed child to come to Bianca and Joseph as parents. Grandma couldn’t be more excited! (from me)

As you can see, there is so much pouring of love and support and we are so thankful for the tender mercies.

This baby is the first premature baby in our family! Our precious Ruby May came 10 weeks early. She is so lucky to come at this time of incredible medical technology. What a blessing modern medicine is indeed! What an incredible life she is destine to have with wonderful parents who have waited for this moment for so long. Love my little granddaughter. I can't wait to meet you in person. I love you more than words can say! Happy birthday my darling!  May the Lord keep blessing you and your beautiful family.

Con amor,
Vero

A visit to Immigration

" Differences are not intended to separate, to alienate.  We are different precisely in order to realize our need of one another." Desmond Tutu

Today we got up early around 5:00 a.m. to go to downtown Manila to get our biometrics at the Immigration building. A hour 45 minute drive and somehow I realized we are indeed in Manila. Everything from the jeeps to the tricycles and everything in between reminded me how this world would be a boring place if all of us were exactly the same. If we liked the exact same things, wore the same clothes, liked the same music, and loved the same food. Don't you think?

Daniel and I are both Caucasian but for some reason because I have dark hair people think I am a local Filipina and Daniel is a gringo. He has always wished he was darker and hated it in the DR whenever  people spoke to him in English. Here he does stick out even more like a red thumb. We do know one thing, even though everybody here looks about the same, each one of us is unique. We took our pictures and our fingerprints for our visa today so we can be legal. Yay!!

In there I couldn't help to notice a group of people from India. They come here looking for work and they probably get a little discriminated. They don't look Asian. Interesting how we often spend time judging people who are different when we should be celebrating the difference we each bring to the table. This is a phenomenon that takes place no matter where you go.

In the Dominican Republic toward Haitians, In the US toward Mexicans and the list goes on and on. I was thinking today of how we shouldn't judge others for being different that we are because it's those differences that makes the world amazing and wonderful. It's those differences that make all our little individual puzzle pieces fit into one beautiful picture. And if we could all start to appreciate those differences and celebrate our world would be a much nicer place.

There is so much hate in this world because of the way you look or your beliefs but one thing is true, no matter where you go or who you are, if you have inherited great wealth, or have done well and acquired status and money or if you are some  political figure or you gota prestigious job tittle, or rank, you are welcome. I hope that people here don't judge me because I am neither of those.

Con amor,
Vero

Kickstarter campaign #2

(Today I want to give a big thanks to everyone who contributed to Bianca's Kickstarter campaign!) 

CONFESSION ON WHY I’M LAUNCHING THIS KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN NOW

WRITTEN BY: Bianca Merkley POSTED: August 10, 2015

For years I have been dreaming about recording some of the newer songs I’ve written. To tell you the honest truth, after I recorded my last album (A Part of Me) in 2011, I spent the years following that playing shows around New York City and doing small tours throughout the country and I enjoyed it so much. I loved creating songs, and I loved playing music with other musicians, and I especially loved connecting with people through the music that I was creating. It was magical.

For some reason though, the time and energy that I invested in my music started to decline. I don’t even know entirely what happened, but it was almost as though the fire, the energy, the drive to continue making, producing, and sharing my music…it sadly diminished over time and I started shift my focus to other things. The truth is that my husband and I had been wanting to have children when we moved to New York, which was in 2009. At the time, I didn’t know very much about how difficult it would actually be for us to have children, so I wasn’t too stressed about it. After a few years of unsuccessful attempts, however, it started to feel really painful. I tried to fill the void I felt with other creative things that brought me joy, such as making and sharing music. Although, after a while…I just couldn’t keep fooling myself. It’s hard for me to even describe or put to words how devastated I was and how painful the yearning to have children started to feel for me. I so much wanted to “start our family,” and as the void grew larger with time, my focus and energy shifted from making music to making babies. (Haha, that sounds awkward.)

For those reading this that know about fertility treatments, you may also know that those treatments can be a bit exhausting and draining in every sense. Not only physically, but emotionally, financially and even spiritually…I felt I had to “give up” my music in a way to focus wholeheartedly on trying to create life. It wasn’t entirely the healthiest approach, which I realize now but at the time it felt right and I was willing to do anything. So I stopped. I still wrote songs, and dreamed about what it would be like to perform them or share them with others; but I didn’t have it in me to really follow through on those dreams at the time.

Then, last year I reached my breaking point. I had had it. I couldn’t put my life on hold any longer, and I was ready to progress and grow and move on from what felt like hell at the time. I was tired of feeling stuck, and I was ready to start living in the present instead of always living for some future day…that “someday” when we have children. I used to think to myself, “Someday, when we have kids…then we’ll send out Christmas cards, or go on camping trips, or record a children’s album, or move into a bigger apartment.” Then in 2014, I got to a point where I just felt like I had been putting off my life for too long and it didn’t feel right anymore at all. I felt out of balance and I knew I needed to make some changes. My sweet sweet husband was so supportive, and in a whim, we moved from New York to Idaho so that I could start graduate school, be closer to family and live closer to the mountains.

Then…after moving to Idaho, we bought a house and a puppy, I started school, my husband started a new job, and I started to play music a little more often. I had wanted to finish recording an EP that I had started the previous Summer, but didn’t know how to fund it all since most of our extra funds had been going toward (and would still be going toward) fertility treatments. So, after much debate…I decided to launch a Kickstarter campaign in hopes that I could get back into the studio to finish this EP at June Audio, which is a pretty killer studio. I’m really excited about sharing these songs, and hope to be able to.

The other reason that I am choosing to record these songs now is that I am actually expecting two baby girls come the late fall and winter. That whole process and experience has been a beautiful one, but that will have to be for another post on another day. For now, just know that I am really excited to be where I am; I feel so full of love, gratitude and pure joy to be here now, and I really hope that I get to finish this EP and share it with you all.

You can check out my Kickstarter campaign by clicking on this link here. Hopefully there will be some backer rewards that suit your fancy.

Thank you so much for your love and support in all of this!

Xoxo,

That was Bianca's post a few days ago to launched her new project. I am grateful for dear family and friends who cared enough to take a look at her kickstarter post, shared it with friends, and even contributed. Gracias, Merci, Obrigada and a big Thank You!!

Con amor,

Vero

The to do list for the year!

As the year is coming to a close, I want to take this opportunity to share some of the goals DMBA our health insurance had suggested we did throughout the year. There were six challenges but I am getting a late start so I will work on them simultaneously. This was the original plan for the year. 

2015 Living Healthy Challenges

Starting in 2015, each Challenge is worth $30 toward your premium refund. To qualify,
you must register for the Wellness Program and complete each Challenge with at least
a 75% success rate.

Of course, true wellness is about more than eating fruits and veggies and staying active.
 So for Living Healthy 2015, “Be the change you want to see.” Embrace your individual
circumstances, resolve to improve, and be well in 2015!

Challenge #1: January 1 to February 28

BE ACTIVE!   One of the best things you can do for your health is to stay active!
Just 30 minutes a day helps you feel better and can lengthen your life.
It doesn't matter what you do — walk, bike, dance, or lift — just get moving!

Challenge #2: March 1 to April 30

BE MINDFUL!   Of course, exercise is a key component to good health.
But how you fuel your body is equally as important.
With this feel good food Challenge, you'll start to think before you eat!

Challenge #3: May 1 to June 30

BE PRESENT!   It's important to pay attention to the little things we do every day
that make us healthier and happier. In this Challenge, take time for yourself
every day with these short, daily de-stressors.

Challenge #4: July 1 to August 31

BE AWARE!   Our environment impacts our health — and our success —
in many different ways. In this Challenge, focus on your own environment
and ways you can make it healthier!

Challenge #5: September 1 to October 31

BE SMART!   With a focus on financial health, this Challenge will get you on the path
to spending less and saving more. Start by tracking your expenses. Then make a goal
to stash away some cash. With a little discipline, you'll build a successful financial future!

Challenge #6: November 1 to December 31

BE THOUGHTFUL!   Giving to others and expressing gratitude can calm a troubled heart
and bring much-needed joy. So during this Challenge, volunteer, lift another's burden,
share a random act of kindness. Focus on others and you'll find yourself.

NOTE: These Challenges are not meant to take the place of personal instruction 
from your physician. If you have health concerns, 
ask your doctor for individual guidance. 
Challenges can be changed to meet individual medical needs.

Ok so this is what I am doing for the next four months all at once!  But I must say it helps to have a  goal poster at least it helps me because I need to be reminded each day so I don't lose sight on the things I need to work on. 

Con amor,
Vero