The new label

I'm a mother of three daughters and the first sister out of four so I am used to being surrounded by girls. I've been happily married to my soulmate, Daniel, for almost twelve years! Something unusual about me is I also have eight step children and many grandchildren and enjoy blending a large family. Motherhood is the best and I will never call it anything else. Why am I thinking about this topic of motherhood, you may ask? 

It all started when a saw a Facebook post from a friend. This is what she wrote: “Once in a while something comes along that deeply offends me but really not so much the human me but my spirit me. While reading the news a couple of weeks ago, I read the new “label” for Mother’s that the world would try to change me into. I kind of laughed and said “oh good grief, what is next? It’ll never fly!” Ha! Not only did it fly but was put into government documents! 

 

I am so grateful that I know who I am, where I came from and where I am going. I know that even if I had not physically given birth to my children that inherently within me, the gift of mothering was not only given to me but to every woman that is born into humanity. 

I cannot stand by on this one and let women be so degraded into non- existence. I know that I and all women have a divine reason to be here on earth and I, with God’s help, will rise up and claim my right to be known as a woman and Mother in Zion.” Nancy Rapleye

 

I feel exactly the same way as she does. It reminded me of an insight sister Mc Conkie shared, “I would say, first of all, that I don't think any of us realize the extent of the influence that we have, whatever role we're in, or whatever way we feel a responsibility—whether it's at home or whether it's at work or whether it's in the school classroom or wherever we are, even if it's just in the grocery store. I would say to these women, “Know that your desire to live as Christ lives and to be as He would be, to act as He would act with kindness, with patience . . . makes a difference.”

And it makes a profound difference in people's lives, but you may never know the extent of that influence, because people don't usually come running back to you and say, “Oh, you made such a wonderful difference in my life.” Sometimes that does happen, and that's a nice thing, but I think the confirmation of our abilities, our capabilities really comes through the Spirit of the Lord, and just a sense that you did something and that felt good.” I feel good being a mother and grandmother and no one will ever take that away from me so please don’t refer to me as “birthing people” 

 

All I can say is the term “birthing people” is offensive to me and can’t believe how people vote for that. What has this world come to? 

 

Con amor,

Vero

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing

The Come Follow Me reading for last week was D &C 64-66 and as I read it, I thought of a great example of forgiveness I heard in Church years ago. 

 

The sister speaking was building her home and this is what she said: “As many of you know, my husband and I are building a new home.  Our architect is a man named Lyle Beecher of the firm Beecher Walker.  Lyle is a phenomenal architect and extremely talented. I also knew that Lyle was a very good man and I have great respect for him, but I have to tell you that the other day, while watching a news special on television, a story came on that brought that respect to an entirely new level.  It’s a story that warrants being shared with all of you as it is truly inspiring:

 

On November 7, 2008, Lyle Beecher’s mother, 85 years old at the time, was on her way to visit the gravesite of her husband who had previously passed away.   As she went through an intersection a car ran a red light and t-boned her car.   The police arrested the other driver when they found marijuana in his system.  It was discovered that the man had a serious drug problem that had gone on for some time.  When the court date came, Lyle’s family was in the courtroom.  Even though they were feeling tremendous grief and anger toward the man who had killed their mother, when they saw the man’s young family in the courtroom they knew in their hearts that they needed to forgive him.

 

The man wrote Lyle’s family a letter from jail to let them know how incredibly sorry he was for what he had done.  Lyle and his brother decided to go speak with the man in the jail.  They spent months getting to know the man and his family.  Lyle’s family then asked the courts to release this man so the man’s family would not have to be raised as a fatherless family.  The courts agreed to sentence the man to just one year in prison, which he has now served.

 

The man who had taken their mother’s life by driving under the influence of drugs, went on to clean up his life and change it completely.  He attributes these changes to the amazing kindness and mercy and forgiveness that he received from the Beecher family.  The two families are close friends today, and the man and his wife have named their newborn baby after Lyle’s mother who passed away.

 

The story of Lyle and his family’s willingness to forgive someone who had so badly wronged them was one of the greatest examples of charity and love I have seen.  I can’t imagine having to go through what they did.  And to come out of that hurt and loss with love in their hearts, and an ability to forgive this man, sets such an amazing example for all of us to live up to. Not only did they forgave him, but they went the extra mile to become his friend and to befriend his entire family.  That was going well beyond just forgiving…they extended mercy and love on top of the forgiveness.  What an amazing example!

 

Honestly, I don’t think I could have ever done that. That story makes anyone feel so ashamed of the times we have held grudges toward people for hurting our feelings.  After hearing Lyle’s story, how can anyone feel justified to hold grudges toward someone who wronged us.  He forgave someone who took the life of his beloved mother.  Not many hurts in life would be at the caliber of what he had to overcome, yet he did it, and he is happier and better for it.  

 

I don’t know Lyle Beecher but if I ever need an architect, I know exactly who to hire. 

 

Con amor,

Vero

A Sunday Sermon on Fathers

I speak today of fathers. Fathers are fundamental in the divine plan of happiness, and I want to raise a voice of encouragement for those who are striving to fill well that calling. To praise and encourage fatherhood and fathers is not to shame or discount anyone. I simply focus today on the good that men can do in the highest of masculine roles—husband and father.

David Blankenhorn, the author of Fatherless America, has observed: “Today, American society is fundamentally divided and ambivalent about the fatherhood idea. Some people do not even remember it. Others are offended by it. Others, including more than a few family scholars, neglect it or disdain it. Many others are not especially opposed to it, nor are they especially committed to it. Many people wish we could act on it, but believe that our society simply no longer can or will.”¹

 

As a Church, we believe in fathers. We believe in “the ideal of the man who puts his family first.”² We believe that “by divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.”³ We believe that in their complementary family duties, “fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”⁴ We believe that far from being superfluous, fathers are unique and irreplaceable.

Some see the good of fatherhood in social terms, as something that obligates men to their offspring, impelling them to be good citizens and to think about the needs of others, supplementing “maternal investment in children with paternal investment in children. … In short, the key for men is to be fathers. The key for children is to have fathers. The key for society is to create fathers.”⁵ While these considerations are certainly true and important, we know that fatherhood is much more than a social construct or the product of evolution. The role of father is of divine origin, beginning with a Father in Heaven and, in this mortal sphere, with Father Adam.

The perfect, divine expression of fatherhood is our Heavenly Father. His character and attributes include abundant goodness and perfect love. His work and glory are the development, happiness, and eternal life of His children.⁶ Fathers in this fallen world can claim nothing comparable to the Majesty on High, but at their best, they are striving to emulate Him, and they indeed labor in His work. They are honored with a remarkable and sobering trust.

For men, fatherhood exposes us to our own weaknesses and our need to improve. Fatherhood requires sacrifice, but it is a source of incomparable satisfaction, even joy. Again, the ultimate model is our Heavenly Father, who so loved us, His spirit children, that He gave us His Only Begotten Son for our salvation and exaltation.⁷ Jesus said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”⁸ Fathers manifest that love as they lay down their lives day by day, laboring in the service and support of their families.

Perhaps the most essential of a father’s work is to turn the hearts of his children to their Heavenly Father. If by his example as well as his words a father can demonstrate what fidelity to God looks like in day-to-day living, that father will have given his children the key to peace in this life and eternal life in the world to come.⁹ A father who reads scripture to and with his children acquaints them with the voice of the Lord.¹⁰

 

We find in the scriptures a repeated emphasis on the parental obligation to teach one’s children:

“And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents. …

“And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.”¹¹

In 1833, the Lord reprimanded members of the First Presidency for inadequate attention to the duty of teaching their children. To one He said specifically, “You have not taught your children light and truth, according to the commandments; and that wicked one hath power, as yet, over you, and this is the cause of your affliction.”¹²

Fathers are to teach God’s law and works anew to each generation. As the Psalmist declared:

“For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children:

“That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should [then] arise and declare them to their children:

“That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments.”¹³

 

Certainly teaching the gospel is a shared duty between fathers and mothers, but the Lord is clear that He expects fathers to lead out in making it a high priority. (And let’s remember that informal conversations, working and playing together, and listening are important elements of teaching.) The Lord expects fathers to help shape their children, and children want and need a model.

 

I myself was blessed with an exemplary father. I recall that when I was a boy of about 12, my father became a candidate for the city council in our rather small community. He did not mount an extensive election campaign—all I remember was that Dad had my brothers and me distribute copies of a flyer door to door, urging people to vote for Paul Christofferson. There were a number of adults that I handed a flyer to who remarked that Paul was a good and honest man and that they would have no problem voting for him. My young boy heart swelled with pride in my father. It gave me confidence and a desire to follow in his footsteps. He was not perfect—no one is—but he was upright and good and an aspirational example for a son.

Discipline and correction are part of teaching. As Paul said, “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth.”¹⁴ But in discipline a father must exercise particular care, lest there be anything even approaching abuse, which is never justified. When a father provides correction, his motivation must be love and his guide the Holy Spirit:

“Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

“That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.”¹⁵

Discipline in the divine pattern is not so much about punishing as it is about helping a loved one along the path of self-mastery.

The Lord has said that “all children have claim upon their parents for their maintenance until they are of age.”¹⁶ Breadwinning is a consecrated activity. Providing for one’s family, although it generally requires time away from the family, is not inconsistent with fatherhood—it is the essence of being a good father. “Work and family are overlapping domains.”¹⁷This, of course, does not justify a man who neglects his family for his career or, at the other extreme, one who will not exert himself and is content to shift his responsibility to others. In the words of King Benjamin:

“Ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another. …

“But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.”¹⁸

We recognize the agony of men who are unable to find ways and means adequately to sustain their families. There is no shame for those who, at a given moment, despite their best efforts, cannot fulfill all the duties and functions of fathers. “Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.”¹⁹

Loving the mother of his children—and showing that love—are two of the best things a father can do for his children. This reaffirms and strengthens the marriage that is the foundation of their family life and security.

 

Some men are single fathers, foster fathers, or stepfathers. Many of them strive mightily and do their very best in an often difficult role. We honor those who do all that can be done in love, patience, and self-sacrifice to meet individual and family needs. It should be noted that God Himself entrusted His Only Begotten Son to a foster father. Surely some of the credit goes to Joseph for the fact that as Jesus grew, He “increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.”²⁰

Regrettably, due to death, abandonment, or divorce, some children don’t have fathers living with them. Some may have fathers who are physically present but emotionally absent or in other ways inattentive or nonsupportive. We call on all fathers to do better and to be better. We call on media and entertainment outlets to portray devoted and capable fathers who truly love their wives and intelligently guide their children, instead of the bumblers and buffoons or “the guys who cause problems,” as fathers are all too frequently depicted.

To children whose family situation is troubled, we say, you yourself are no less for that. Challenges are at times an indication of the Lord’s trust in you. He can help you, directly and through others, to deal with what you face. You can become the generation, perhaps the first in your family, where the divine patterns that God has ordained for families truly take shape and bless all the generations after you.

To young men, recognizing the role you will have as provider and protector, we say, prepare now by being diligent in school and planning for postsecondary training. Education, whether in a university, technical school, apprenticeship, or similar program, is key to developing the skills and capabilities you will need. Take advantage of opportunities to associate with people of all ages, including children, and learn how to establish healthy and rewarding relationships. That typically means talking face to face with people and sometimes doing things together, not just perfecting your texting skills. Live your life so that as a man you will bring purity to your marriage and to your children.

To all the rising generation, we say, wherever you rank your own father on the scale of good-better-best (and I predict that ranking will go higher as you grow older and wiser), make up your mind to honor him and your mother by your own life. Remember the yearning hope of a father as expressed by John: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”²¹ Your righteousness is the greatest honor any father can receive.

To my brethren, the fathers in this Church, I say, I know you wish you were a more perfect father. I know I wish I were. Even so, despite our limitations, let us press on. Let us lay aside the exaggerated notions of individualism and autonomy in today’s culture and think first of the happiness and well-being of others. Surely, despite our inadequacies, our Heavenly Father will magnify us and cause our simple efforts to bear fruit. I am encouraged by a story that appeared in the New Era some years ago. The author recounted the following:

“When I was young, our little family lived in a one-bedroom apartment on the second floor. I slept on the couch in the living room. …

“My dad, a steelworker, left home very early for work each day. Every morning he would … tuck the covers around me and stop for a minute. I would be half-dreaming when I could sense my dad standing beside the couch, looking at me. As I slowly awoke, I became embarrassed to have him there. I tried to pretend I was still asleep. … I became aware that as he stood beside my bed he was praying with all his attention, energy, and focus—for me.

“Each morning my dad prayed for me. He prayed that I would have a good day, that I would be safe, that I would learn and prepare for the future. And since he could not be with me until evening, he prayed for the teachers and my friends that I would be with that day. …

“At first, I didn’t really understand what my dad was doing those mornings when he prayed for me. But as I got older, I came to sense his love and interest in me and everything I was doing. It is one of my favorite memories. It wasn’t until years later, after I was married, had children of my own, and would go into their rooms while they were asleep and pray for them that I understood completely how my father felt about me.”²²

Alma testified to his son:

“Behold, I say unto you, that it is [Christ] that surely shall come … ; yea he cometh to declare glad tidings of salvation unto his people.

“And now, my son, this was the ministry unto which ye were called, to declare these glad tidings unto this people, to prepare their minds; or rather … that they may prepare the minds of their children to hear the word at the time of his coming.”²³

That is the ministry of fathers today. God bless and make them equal to it, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

 

Happy Father's Day! 

Con amor,

Vero

Anyone can be a father but...

In a message to fathers, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in 1973 stated: “It is significant that of all the titles of respect and honor and admiration that are given to Deity, He has asked us to address Him as Father.”

In celebration of Father’s Day, over the years The Church News has gathered messages from several leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints expressing their gratitude to fathers and men everywhere.

“Once, as I sat by my father’s bedside through the night, he talked about his childhood,” wrote President Henry B. Eyring, second counselor in the First Presidency, in a 2016 Facebook post. “I knew he was dying of cancer. … He often said that when he prayed, he thought he could see in his mind the smile of Heavenly Father.”

 

“Nothing that we do as parents to help our children goes unnoticed,” President Joy D. Jones, Primary general president, told parents in 2017. 

“Heavenly Father notices every effort we make. … Please, please feel His love and gratitude.”

Only a dad, with a tired face,
Coming home from the daily race,
Bringing little of gold or fame,
To show how well he has played the game,
But glad in his heart that his own rejoice
To see him come, and to hear his voice.

Only a dad, but he gives his all
To smooth the way for his children small,
Doing, with courage stern and grim,
The deeds that his father did for him.
This is the line that for him I pen,
Only a dad, but the best of men.”

— Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, quoting a poem in his April 1999 general conference address, “The Hands of the Fathers.”

 

“Perhaps you might think that you are not needed, that you are overlooked or unwanted, that you are nobody,” said Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles through tears in April 2013 general conference.

“I am sincerely sorry if any priesthood holder feels this way. Certainly you are not overlooked or unwanted by your Heavenly Father. He loves you. And I tell you with certainty that you are needed by your Church.”

Sister Sharon Eubank, first counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, said her father, a television meteorologist, enjoyed nature. He loved watching the storms roll in from the Great Salt Lake. 

“He used to wake us up sometimes to come watch a big lightning show. My dad always talked weather with us,” Sister Eubank said.

The ‘greatest possible happiness’

I assure you that the joy, love and fulfillment experienced in loving, righteous families produce the greatest possible happiness we can achieve, both now and in the eternities,” Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles wrote in a Facebook post on Father’s Day in 2018.

To single fathers, foster fathers and stepfathers, Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles noted that God Himself entrusted His Only Begotten Son to a foster father — Joseph, Mary’s husband. 

“We believe in fathers,” Elder Christofferson continued in his April 2016 general conference address, calling dads “unique and irreplaceable.”

“Jesus said, ‘Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.’ Fathers manifest that love as they lay down their lives day by day, laboring in the service and support of their families.”

“I would like to honor all the men and boys, of all ages, who are fathers, who are preparing to be fathers, and who strive to ‘father’ everyone around them,” Sister Reyna Isabel Aburto, second counselor in the Relief Society general presidency, wrote in a 2019 Facebook post.

“Let us follow the example of Jesus Christ in the way He honors His Father and always does His will.”

In a Father’s Day Facebook post in 2016, Elder Gary E. Stevenson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles shared a lesson he learned from his father when he was 11 years old: “He and I were hiking, and I was jumping from rock to rock in front of him.” 

As Elder Stevenson climbed toward the top of one rock, his father grabbed him by the belt and pulled him off the rock. They later saw a rattlesnake on the top of the rock.

When they discussed it on the drive home, his father said, “The Holy Ghost was protecting you through me. He warned me to pull you away.” 

Said Elder Stevenson, “I am thankful my father was worthy to receive and act upon a prompting of the Holy Ghost that day.”

Con amor,

Vero

Ten Life Gifts

Ten life gifts my father, Manuel Flores, taught me.

 

1.    Work ethic: On a day -off; you’ll likely found him going to work. 

 

2.     A love of music. I’ll forever cherish memories of listening to any kind of music from the 70’s while riding in the car.

 

3.    An appreciation for taking good care of our belongings, specially our cars.

 

4.    A love for all sports, specially soccer games. 

 

5.    My political views as a conservative. 

 

6.    An appreciation for the finer things in life: good food, travel, and nice accommodations. 

 

7.    A love for spending time as a family at the beach.

 

8.    A love for good entertainment: concerts, movies, plays, etc. 

 

9.    A love for playing card games like UNO

 

10. An aspiration to be an entrepreneur and to save for a rainy day

 

Con amor,

Vero, 

7 Rules of Life

The 7 Rules of Life I learned reading Doctrine and Covenants: 

From section 1 to 64 it was known as the book of commandments. 

People had high expectations with what Zion in Independence Missouri would look like. I think it taught us to see failure as a beginning, not an end. 

There were people who had grudges about insignificant things which taught us to make peace with your past, and let it go. 

The early Saints needed to decide whether to continue with old habits or not. It taught me the habits decide your future. Act accordingly. 

For many faithful members it was a matter on focusing on what really mattered. If you don't go after it, you won't have it. 

They were frugal. They new they first needed to save in order to invest before they spend their money. 

The members who were faithful did not pay attendant to the negative apostates. They learned to avoid negative people like the plague. Life is too short to be with toxic people.

Each member brings in different talents, they learned to never compare themselves with others. Some were good writers, others good making things etc. We need each other. 

Con amor,

Vero

Gender is Eternal

I have been thinking about this subject lately and this is what I believe based on personal revelation. Here is what the science have said about it. “Scholars at Johns Hopkins University released a new report on Monday which argues that there is not sufficient evidence to suggest that lesbian, gay, or transgender people are born with this sexual orientation or gender identity.

The idea there that sexual orientation is fluid, that people change as people grow," Lawrence Mayer, a co-author of the report and a scholar-in-residence at Johns Hopkins University's psychiatry department, as well as a professor of statistics and biostatistics at Arizona State University, told The Christian Post. "There are probably some people that identify as heterosexual [sic] that then later on identified as homosexual, so it goes both ways. The importance there is the fluidity and flexibility that these things change in time.

The three-part, 143-page report, which appeared in the Fall 2016 edition of The New Atlantis, also investigated other commonly accepted ideas about homosexuality and transgenderism. Mayer and his co-author Paul McHugh, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Johns Hopkins, challenged the claim that discrimination and social stigma are the only reasons why homosexual and transgender people suffer higher rates of mental health problems and are more likely to commit suicide.

The study breaks down in three parts: First, Mayer and McHugh examined whether homosexuality is an inherited trait, and concluded that people are not simply "born that way." Second, they looked at the causes of the poor mental health associated with gay and transgender people, concluding that social stress does not explain all of it. Finally, they studied transgenderism, concluding that it is not innate and that transgender "treatments" are associated with negative outcomes.

The report found insufficient evidence to back up the idea that people are born with innate sexual attractions. Mayer and McHugh examined past studies which show a modest association between genetic factors and sexual orientation, but these studies have not been able to pinpoint particular genes responsible. Other hypothesized biological causes, such as prenatal development and hormones, have also been linked to sexual orientation, but that evidence is also limited.

"Studies of the brains of homosexuals and heterosexuals have found some differences, but have not demonstrated that these differences are inborn rather than the result of environmental factors that influenced both psychological and neurobiological traits," the report explained. "One environmental factor that appears to be correlated with non-heterosexuality is child sexual abuse victimization, which may also contribute to the higher rates."

The report cited the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult Health, which tracked the sexual orientation of children aged 7 to 12 in 1994-1995 and again in 2007-2008. Eighty percent of male respondents who had reported same-sex attraction and both-sex attraction in childhood later identified as exclusively heterosexual, while more than half of the females who reported both-sex attraction as children reported exclusive attraction to men as adults.

Mayer and McHugh also analyzed twins. They pointed to a 2010 study by psychiatric epidemiologist Niklas Långström which analyzed 3,826 identical and fraternal same-sex twin pairs. Both twins had at least one same-sex partner in only 18 percent of male identical twins, and 11 percent of male fraternal twins. For women, both twins had at least one homosexual partner in 22 percent of identical twins and 17 percent of fraternal twins.

"Summarizing the studies of twins, we can say that there is no reliable scientific evidence that sexual orientation is determined by a person's genes," the researchers wrote. "But there is evidence that genes play a role in influencing sexual orientation."

"So the question 'Are gay people born that way?' requires clarification. There is virtually no evidence that anyone, gay or straight, is 'born that way' if it means that their sexual orientation was genetically determined," the report explained (emphasis added). "But there is some evidence from the twin studies that certain genetic profiles probably increase the likelihood the person later identifies as gay or engages in same-sex sexual behavior."

Con amor,

Vero