Feeling Anxious!

I woke up today feeling anxious.  My list of things to do before we go on our Christmas trip once again has grown completely out of control, and what made it worse was the fact that the vast majority of items had deadlines attached to them that if missed would have negative consequences.  For example, Christmas cards needing to get done  and sent. Presents needed to get purchased to all the people on our list. Some of them are people I don't know all that well but they are relatives of Daniel in Uruguay.  And sadly, we have just spent all our money fixing the home in Millcreek. All of which added up to my state of panic this morning. Is there any bigger joy killer than the phrase " we are getting in too much debt"? I would argue that there is not!

 In fact I am quite certain that I would tested positive for accelerated heart rate, trembling, light-headedness, and a fear of dying…okay, that might be a slight exaggeration , but seriously, I was feeling stressed! I hate getting into debt and having not one dime of savings in our bank. We owe over $20,000 dollars and by the time we are done with our Christmas it is probably going to double. The problem with going into debt is that it automatically puts you in a state of panic and that feeling literally shuts you down from being productive.  It causes you to become so focused on the fact you are feeling panic that you can’t focus on resolving the issues that caused you to panic in the first place. Panic stems from your thoughts.  And the best way I have found to overcome panic is self-talk – I literally have to become a parent to myself, saying “settle down, it is all going to be okay…let’s walk through exactly what needs to get done and start on the most critical thing first”. 

 I know it probably sounds juvenile to have to talk to myself in order to calm down, but laugh all you want to – it works!  It helps me to stop and step away from the panic and go into “matter of fact mode” which is the voice of reason reminding me that I can get through this if I just take it one step at a time…reminding me that it is all going to be okay if I just stop panicking and start focusing. And so this morning that is what I did.  I sat down in a silent room and forced myself to get completely focused.  No distractions.  And then I went to work….and work I did. I know that someone we are going to get back on our feet and have money in the bank once again. I know that this debt is a temporary thing and that if I needed to, I can sell the house. I know that wishing six months I'll be debt free again so I better not think about this so much and just focus on those things I need to finish. 

 I worked in the most hyper-focused manner that I have worked in a very long time.  I started busting out one hard task after another and I refused to let myself think about everything I had to get done and instead I forced myself to focus on one task at a time, completing one and then immediately beginning the next.  I worked the entire day until a few minutes ago when I realized it is now past midnight!  WOW!  I had no idea it had gotten so late. Sitting here now I am shocked at how much I got done.  I’m talking really super hard projects that were intense!  And I got a ton of them finished. 

I did it!  If I could reach around and pat myself on the back I just might do it!  Instead I am going to jump out of this chair and scream “I DID IT!” – I was amazingly productive today and that is something to be proud of.  Now it's time to get to bed so I can get up super early to take our long flights to Montevideo. 

Love,

Veronica