You and Me Moments

One of the things I noticed when I visited Bianca is that she makes the effort to spend time with each child one by one. Sometimes Joseph takes one of them to the store when he goes grocery shopping or Bianca does some play time taking turns. The same goes with each couple who also deserve some time alone. The girls were not so keen on that idea. We all know how important having a one-on-one date night with our significant other can be. Yay for Valentines Date Night, and so happy I was there last Friday to baby- sit!!

Making time to spend time with our significant other should be a no brainer but we often forget to make the time to spend that crucial one-on-one date time with our children and in my case, our grandchildren. 

My daughter who is a counselor specializing in children and parent relationships, has one favorite assignment that she likes to assign parents right away. It is what she likes to call: “You & Me Time” or “Special Play Dates.” It involves setting a 20-30 minute weekly parent-child play date with each of your little ones.

She writes: “This is a moment where cell phones, laptops, TV’s, and video games are all powered off, and a sign is hung on the door to avoid interruptions.  It is a moment of time where your child has your undivided attention and complete control on what and how the play will be like. They will begin to feel more empowered, encouraged, and safe to communicate how they are feeling and what they are thinking. Therefore, you both will build a greater understanding of one another and the relationship will grow stronger. 

1.     Collect a variety of toys and art supplies and place them in a bin. The toys in this bin are to be saved for the “Special Play dates.” A complete checklist of what toys I recommend can be found here.

2.     Set a consistent time and find an uninterrupted place in your home suitable for playing without distractions. Make sure it is a place where you aren’t worried of things getting a bit messy.

3.     Make a sign to put on the door for everyone to know that there is a “You & Me” moment occurring.

 

Things I encourage parents to do during play dates:

1.     Set the stage by setting a blanket down for boundaries and placing the toys on the outer edge of the blanket. Try to place them the same way every time to keep consistency.

2.     Avoid criticizing or taking charge during play.

3.     Avoid lectures or giving information.

4.     Allow your child to be the boss- that means to act as an active follower.

5.     Reflect your child’s feelings and verbally describe what you see them doing.

6.     Transitioning can be difficult at times so try giving a 5- minute warning or setting a timer when there is only five minutes left.

 

There is an entire therapy called Filial Therapy or Child-Parent-Relationship Therapy revolving around these basic points. 

 

For more information on play or filial therapy- check out her blog www.weedstowishes.com or The Playful Nest or look for a local Filial workshop in your area.

 

How I miss so much my little munchkins, but I am grateful I was able to create a few You and Me moments while I visited them. Priceless!  

 

Con amor,

Vero