Mentally Strong People: The 13 things
they avoid
(Forbes) Editors' Note: Following the huge popularity of this post, article source Amy Morin has authored a guest post on exercises to increase mental strength here and Cheryl Conner has interviewed Amy in a Forbes video chat about this article here.
For all the time executives spend concerned about
physical strength and health, when it comes down to it, mental strength can
mean even more. Particularly for entrepreneurs, numerous articles talk about
critical characteristics of mental strength—tenacity, “grit," optimism,
and an unfailing ability as Forbes contributor David Williams says, to “fail up.”
However,
we can also define mental strength by identifying the things mentally strong
individuals don’t do. Over the weekend, I was impressed by this list
compiled by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker,
that she shared in
LifeHack. It impressed me enough I’d also like to share her list
here along with my thoughts on how each of these items is particularly applicable
to entrepreneurs.
1. Waste
Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves. You don’t see
mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the
way they’ve been mistreated. They have learned to take responsibility for their
actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that
frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances
with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation
turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as “Oh, well.” Or perhaps
simply, “Next!”
2. Give Away Their Power. Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to
make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their
actions and emotions. They know their strength is in their ability to manage
the way they respond.
3. Shy Away from Change. Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome
challenge. Their biggest “fear," if they have one, is not of the unknown,
but of becoming complacent and stagnant. An environment of change and even
uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and bring out their best.
4. Waste Energy on Things They Can’t
Control. Mentally strong people don’t complain
(much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other
people, as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond
their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can
always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these
attributes well.
5. Worry About Pleasing Others. Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go
out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an
image of strength? Neither position is a good one. A mentally strong person
strives to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but is
unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone
will get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.
6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks. A mentally strong person is willing
to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong
into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an individual can weigh the risks
and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides and even
the worst-case scenarios before they take action.
7. Dwell on the Past. There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially
in acknowledging the things learned from past experiences—but a mentally strong
person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or
in fantasies of the “glory days” gone by. They invest the majority of their
energy in creating an optimal present and future.
8. Make the Same Mistakes Over and
Over. We all know the definition of insanity,
right? It’s when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a
different and better outcome than we’ve gotten before. A mentally strong person
accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is willing to learn from
mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective
in an accurate and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of
spectacularly successful executives and entrepreneurs.
9. Resent Other People’s Success. It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and
excitement for other people’s success. Mentally strong people have this
ability. They don’t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although
they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to
work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.
10. Give Up After Failure. Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest
entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought
many failures. Mentally strong people are willing to fail again and again, if
necessary, as long as the learning experience from every “failure” can bring
them closer to their ultimate goals.
11. Fear Alone Time. Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time
they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be
productive. Most importantly, they don’t depend on others to shore up their
happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they can also be happy
alone.
12. Feel the World Owes Them Anything. Particularly in the current economy, executives and
employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not
owe them a salary, a benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of
their preparation and schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world
prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game.
13. Expect Immediate Results. Whether it’s a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or
starting a business, mentally strong people are “in it for the long haul”. They
know better than to expect immediate results. They apply their energy and time
in measured doses and they celebrate each milestone and increment of success on
the way. They have “staying power.” And they understand that genuine changes
take time. Do you have mental strength? Are there elements on this list you
need more of? With thanks to Amy Morin, I would like to reinforce my own
abilities further in each of these areas today. How about you?
Con amor,
Vero
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