How do we let people know we care!

I found this good article on connecting with people.

This Valentine, How to let people know we care!

There are certain moments in life when we want to tell the people that we care about how much they actually mean to us. And for many, one of those moments is Valentine’s Day. But that's easier said than done.

When it comes to telling someone that we care it can be difficult simply because of the different ways that we use everyday language, explains Alison Wood Brooks, PhD, Assistant Professor of Business Administration and Hellman Faculty Fellow in the Negotiation, Organizations, & Markets Unit in Harvard Business School.

“In conversation, we often say things we don’t really mean orwe don’t say the things we really mean in the right way,” she tells NBC News BETTER. “It’s not to be deceptive, rude, or mean, but rather because conversing is hard.”

People talk quickly. And people respond quickly. “There’s not a lot of time for deep thought and reflection,” she notes.

That means we use phrases like “thank you” and “I love you” constantly. We’re not aiming to express the deepest sense of those emotions every time. Sometimes “I love you” means “you’re a lifesaver and I’m grateful for your help” (not “I want to marry you”). We tend to pick up on meaning based on body language, such as the inflection in someone’s voice, an eye roll, laughter, as well as context and our understanding of the relationship or situation we’re conversing about, Brooks explains.

In conversation, we often say things we don’t really mean or we don’t say the things we really mean in the right way.

To get better at using those other cues to let someone know that we really care it’s a matter of not just saying the words, Brooks adds. Ask questions, like: “How are you feeling?” and “How was your day?” And listen to the answers and respond. “It shows that you are listening, validating, and caring about who you’re conversing with,” Brooks says.

(One study from Brooks and her colleagues that looked at behaviors that were more likely to elicit success in speed dating found that people who asked more questions ended up going on more second dates than people who asked fewer questions.)

And give compliments. Research shows it works, Brooks says. Studies show flattery helps make the person receiving the compliment feel good about themselves and helps make it easier to like the person giving the compliment.

Ask questions, like How are you feeling?” and “How was your day?” And listen to the answers and respond. It shows that you are listening, validating, and caring about who you’re conversing with. 

Con amor,

Vero