My body loves being fat!

There was only one time in my life that I have been skinny. I was 17 and had just broken up with my boyfriend and for some reason, I had no appetite and was so sad that I stopped eating. I went from 120 lbs. to 95 within a six -month’s period. It was bittersweet because I was both experiencing a broken heart from the inside but at the same time I felt fabulous from the outside. That is when I discovered how feeling sad forced me to lose weight.

After a while my body went back to the usual 120 lbs. that was 15 over what it should have been but that was the normal for me until in college when there was no money to buy food because El Salvador was at war and the money that used to be coming in from my parents no longer came. When they couldn’t send it anymore, I started working cleaning houses and that was barely enough to survive. I only had one meal a day. The meal I got at lunch when I went to clean homes.  

My weight went back to 105 lbs. which is what it should have been in the first place so I felt amazing once again. This is the time when I got engaged to my first husband. Soon after we were married I learned that we were expecting our first child. With that pregnancy, I gained 35 lbs. and my body was never the same.

 I made the mistake of never going back to my normal weight of 105 pounds ever again. My weight at the end of the pregnancy was 130 lbs. adding another 25 lbs. when daughter number two came along another 10 lbs. were added to my body which tipped the scale to 140 lbs. I discovered that when I am happy, I am fat and when sad, I am thin. I was indeed very happy but I also ended up with 140 lbs. and this is when I felt like I was a big ball because I am short, 4’11 to be exact. 

I felt so unattractive and before I had my next baby I decided to join weight watchers. With them I went from 140 lbs. to 128 lbs. which was my goal. I felt good again and had my last baby. This time I put on even more weight because I ended up weighing the terrifying mark of 155 lbs. that was the heaviest I had ever been. My weight was the same as my husband’s weight at the time and that was not a good thing because he was a foot taller than me.

I kept going on all types of diets that were more and more stricter like the famous soup diet but after a while, the lost weight would come back to my exhausted body. Nothing seemed to work for me. I went to the Gym and did hours of exercise for many years to follow but to no avail, my weight remained at 155 lbs. and maybe at times I could get it down to 145 lbs. after joining Jenny Craig, or Nutri System etc. I tried everything but my body simply wanted to be fat.

My body honestly loves being fat and because of that, my husband of 22 years left me. This sounds very shallow but it is the truth. When I asked why? That is exactly what he told me. He simply said: “I am not attracted to you and I am sorry but I can’t be with a woman that I don’t love.” The separation, anxiety and everything that involves a divorce produced a draining effect on my soul and my body that I literally ached all over and once again, my body was getting thinner for no reason. I went back to 128 lbs. but that was not enough. He not only had found someone thinner, but also younger.

I decided one day to pray to my Heavenly Father who I knew still loved me no matter what I looked like and asked Him to help me love myself too and to help me find someone who would see value in me and not just love me because of my physical outward appearance. I decided that thin or fat, I had to love me first and today as I still struggle with my weight at 148 lbs. when the ideal for my height should be more like 108 lbs. I am thankful that I have a husband that sees in me more than just my body mass and loves me no matter what!

What I love about our situation is that we both struggle with weight, we both are trying to lose 20 lbs. we both are in this together and that is the big difference from my former spouse who had a perfect body and has never struggled with weight gain. What I am experiencing now is the three terrible creases that appear on my belly and how my hips, legs, arms, and butt are getting bigger and bigger because as I reached menopause my metabolism has slowed down to the bare minimum. Yikes!

I am desperate trying to see what works! By all means, I have decided to get fit and get a healthy body because those were doctor's orders when we last saw him so I need to stop eating greasy and fried foods and big meals late in the day. what has worked for me is to stop eating big portions. I need to start counting my calories. That is the only thing that has worked for me in the past. Exercise is good for my heart but it doesn’t do it for me in losing weight. Starting today, May 20^th I have no choice than to stop eating because that is the only way I could lose the weight. My body truly deeply loves being fat!

Here it goes: For six weeks, from May 20^th to July 1^st I will do a body detox. I will also exercise six days out of seven for 2 hours. I will write down my progress daily but mostly I will pray for will power and hope I can conquer the natural woman in me to teach my body to hate being fat and to start loving being thin. So wish me luck!

Con amor,

Vero