Good bye Handshake

Thoughts on 86 days of quarantine.

Words from historian Michael Zucherman.

“The Handshake, a popular greeting for centuries, died on June 8, according to epidemiologists in the New York Times. The cause was Covid-19, his wife, The Hug, confirmed. He was 1,519 years old.

Although his origins are somewhat murky, Mr. Handshake was believed to be born in fifth-century Greece to parents who needed to prove they weren't carrying a weapon. He grew up in Rome, where he appeared on coins and made a cameo as a display of trust in Homer's The Iliad and The Odyssey. 

He achieved wide popularity in the 17th century when the Quakers employed him as an egalitarian alternative to family rival Mr. Hat Tipping, according to National Geographic. The group used him in place of the then-common bow, curtsy or hat doffing in an effort to get rid of social rank. “In their place, [the] Friends put the practice of the handshake, extended to everyone regardless of station, as we do still,”        

Through the years, Mr. Handshake made many notable appearances. Many saw his work with President Anwar Sadat and Prime Minister Menachem Begin, in Jerusalem in 1977, as the pinnacle of his illustrious career.

He found particular success in the United States, where he became notable. Despite his success, Mr. Handshake's career was not without controversy. Feminists accused him of sexism for creating an uneven playing field between men and women. The latter often felt males used him as an intimidation tactic. Scientific studies tried to prove that Mr. Handshake was dirtier than a toilet seat.

His unpredictable personality did not help his reputation. He often appeared as limp, cold, sticky and clammy — known for leaving even close comrades hanging and feeling snubbed. Celebrity germophobes Howie Mandel and Larry David waged media campaigns against Mr. Handshake, hoping to derail his popularity.

Toward the end of his life, public opinion became divided on Mr. Handshake, and he experienced worldwide humiliation this past March. The coronavirus dealt an irreversible blow to his livelihood and reputation when he became the scapegoat for passing the germs between unsuspecting people. Indeed, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, Anthony Fauci, M.D., recently said that Mr. Handshake's death ‘will decrease the incidence of influenza dramatically in this country.’

"That's not true,” argued Ms. Hug. ‘All he ever wanted to do was bring everyone together, meet new people and seal deals.’ In addition to his wife, Mr. Handshake's survivors include his children, Bow, Fist Bump and High Five; and his grandson, Elbump (formerly known as Elbow Bump).”

I love this kind of humor. 

Con amor,

Vero