Thought on 83 days of quarantine.
Where did the time go?
I would give anything to go back for one day when my girls were little. They grew up too fast! Cristi was studios and always wanted to do well at everything she tried. Here is an excerpt of something she wrote on one of her blog posts.
“When I was in my early years of grade school- my mom went to parent teacher conference and the teacher reported being very "pleased" with my hard work and behavior in school.
After a long pause she continued on with, "However, I am concerned with her stomach." Basically stating that at moments I seemed anxious or nervous...
...and she was right.
My stomach often was in knots or had dancing butterflies whirling inside.
I was nervous.
I put a lot of pressure on myself to please my teacher and my parents... and well myself really. It hung over my head each and every day as I tried to do my work "perfectly." My mom recalls moments when I would be practicing my handwriting and would not get a certain letter to be just the way I wanted- I would end up erasing holes into my paper and then crumple it up and start over...and over...and over again.
I took school really seriously (a little to seriously- why didn't anyone tell me elementary grades didn't really count towards anything!) and therefore, I was slightly obsessive about it. Maybe a touch of OCD?
I was that kid that never had to be reminded to do my homework. I just did it. The consequence of not having it turned in was enough to make me never forget an assignment...EVER. I was a mother's dream.
Luckily, that perfectionist little girl- the girl who felt like she had to do everything perfectly- is just a distant memory.
Today, I am much more free. I am okay to not have everything go as planned. I am okay with leaving a mess...a little too good at that one- I think. I am okay about coloring outside of the lines or making a mistake. And I am okay about not being perfect and pleasing everyone.
It was through expressive art journaling- that I have found how to let go of controlling an outcome and just roll with what is.
It is what it is- is now my motto or in the words, ‘Do your best forget the rest.’
I will be introducing you my monthly challenge tomorrow...it involves making a mess...
But when does a little healthy dose of anxiety in children become a problem?”
I don't know what she introduced the next month that involves making a mess but it sounds like fun. I am happy to report that Cristi is over her OCD tendencies and now wishes she wasn't so relaxed.
This is what she wrote on her Instagram:
"Yesterday was my birthday and I literally had to do the math to remember how old I was turning and then double check with a calculator! I think I stopped counting years ago!
You know you're getting old when you're mostly excited about slipping into bed early on your early on your birthday.
As I reflect on the past few decades and take note of the emerging grey hairs and smile lines that come with each year. I like to think of them as the representation of living. Living life fully with an open heart inviting laugher AND sometimes tears.
I reflect on moments where my heart was so full of love that it could burst and other moments so broken that I wasn't sure it could ever be pieced together again.
This is living.
It's learning into all those beautiful, ugly, and in between moments.
Cheers to another year where I hope to be more bold and more unapologetically me.
38 descriptions for 38 years on this Earth:
Believer+lover of Christ+ Mother+ Wifey+ Therapist+ Podcaster+ Photographer+Salvadorian+ American+ Truth Seeker+ Cookie Connoisseur+ Nurturer+ Empath+ Mountain Lover+ Exercise Enthusiast+ Teacher+ Kitchen Dancer+ Child Advocate+ Light Seeker+ Cuddler+ Mediator+ Parent-Child Connector+ Life learner+ Dog Lover+ Anti-racist+ Creator+ Listener+ Feeler+ Questioner+ Optimist+ Extravert+ Empowerer+ Story Teller+ Crier+ Friend+ Sister+ Traveler+ Humanitarian."
This is what I wrote on Facebook:
I am the proud mother of Cristi Dame. Cristi is known for her integrity, gracious spirit, loyalty, courage, strong will and compassion. In school, she was known as a "boy magnet" for her megawatt smile and effortless beauty; the kind of beauty that shines from within and lights up the darkest of rooms. There is not a soul on earth she does not have a smile to offer or an interest in knowing. Everyone is a friend. She is stunning in every form and facet. Happy Birthday beautiful!
Con amor,
This is what she wrote on her Instagram:
"Yesterday was my birthday and I literally had to do the math to remember how old I was turning and then double check with a calculator! I think I stopped counting years ago!
You know you're getting old when you're mostly excited about slipping into bed early on your early on your birthday.
As I reflect on the past few decades and take note of the emerging grey hairs and smile lines that come with each year. I like to think of them as the representation of living. Living life fully with an open heart inviting laugher AND sometimes tears.
I reflect on moments where my heart was so full of love that it could burst and other moments so broken that I wasn't sure it could ever be pieced together again.
This is living.
It's learning into all those beautiful, ugly, and in between moments.
Cheers to another year where I hope to be more bold and more unapologetically me.
38 descriptions for 38 years on this Earth:
Believer+lover of Christ+ Mother+ Wifey+ Therapist+ Podcaster+ Photographer+Salvadorian+ American+ Truth Seeker+ Cookie Connoisseur+ Nurturer+ Empath+ Mountain Lover+ Exercise Enthusiast+ Teacher+ Kitchen Dancer+ Child Advocate+ Light Seeker+ Cuddler+ Mediator+ Parent-Child Connector+ Life learner+ Dog Lover+ Anti-racist+ Creator+ Listener+ Feeler+ Questioner+ Optimist+ Extravert+ Empowerer+ Story Teller+ Crier+ Friend+ Sister+ Traveler+ Humanitarian."
This is what I wrote on Facebook:
I am the proud mother of Cristi Dame. Cristi is known for her integrity, gracious spirit, loyalty, courage, strong will and compassion. In school, she was known as a "boy magnet" for her megawatt smile and effortless beauty; the kind of beauty that shines from within and lights up the darkest of rooms. There is not a soul on earth she does not have a smile to offer or an interest in knowing. Everyone is a friend. She is stunning in every form and facet. Happy Birthday beautiful!
Con amor,
Vero
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