Pay Day

It is the end of the month again and for some is their pay day. I don't know what that is like anymore because for the past five years I have not been part of the work force and sometimes I miss that. The fact that I got to be productive doing something for monetary exchange felt great. I do a lot of service here in the DR that gives me satisfaction but getting a pay check used to feel wonderful.


 It was that extra little cash I received each month to do whatever with. It was my own spending money I used to travel with. My first job was working as a cashier for Deseret Book downtown Salt Lake. I loved it because I got to meet new people every day and they would let us read as many books as we wanted like the library but you never had a deadline to return those books. You would take them home to read at your own pace. Never had to pay an overdue fee!


 My next job was working for Bonnevile Communications in their Spanish campaigns. I could have worked there forever but I had Cristi at the time and couldn't bear to live her with a sitter. When she turned six month old, that was it for me, I needed to be with my baby. The people there were wonderful to work for, My boss was Doug Borba, from Brazil and I became good friends with his secretary, Eva Diaz now Eva Doolin.


 My next job was working for Travelers Insurance as a claim processor. That job helped me learned all about the different health benefits some people had working for the railroad and made me appreciate those benefits some employers offered their employees because not all benefits are created equal very complex to understand and that is why they have experts like our son Andres I discovered that not all employers offered them. At this time I got more involved with helping at the Shop with special projects gluing folders for them so I quit that job and started to help out with our own business plus I also had child number two and it was tricky to leave the house.


 I became the gluing queen for Trade Engraving. We had NU SKIN as one of our great customers and produced a massive amount of work for them at the time. A few of our customers about 20% were great like them but the majority about 80% were little companies who would not be loyal to us and were hard to work with. We decided at this point to move to Tucson Arizona to start our own small  business and were there for three years. In 1991, my third baby was born but had to return back to Salt Lake because from our departure the business in Utah was not supporting itself. As a matter of fact it was the little business in Tucson supporting the big one in Salt Lake.


Back in Salt Lake I decided to work for free. Yes I got to Trade engraving every morning to work on collections because for some reason we were producing jobs and were busy but our customers got away with past due credit and every month we would sent statements to them of 30, 60  90 and over years of bad credit for jobs not paid. I don't know how that happened but it was the way that department managed accounts receivables. It was hard for me to imagine that those nice people were so dishonest when it came to paying their bills and had every excuse in the book why they weren't paying on time. The person in charge of that department was another family member who was a nice guy but had no spine. I came in to work for free to try to get those disgusting customers to pay their bills but it was too late. Many of them simply went out of business and others just went somewhere else and simply never paid. I understood how awful it was to be in a business you had to extend credit to be able to operate. But how ironic it was that when I ordered my wedding invitations, I had to pay before I took the job home. They had me pay COD when they never did that with anyone else I knew. back in those days not getting a pay check from Trade for doing their collections I decided to teach Spanish on the side at Read School in the afternoons and became good friends with Dr. Reid and their family. The school is also a family business but they knew how to run it well. I am sure they don't put up with bad debts the way we did.


At this time I also became the Honorary Consul of El Salvador in Utah, got super busy with the Salvadoran community and also worked as a parent advocate for the Family Support Center.  I remember that in he year 2000 I was doing all that plus I became a numerator for the 2000 Census. In 2002 I even became a Vista volunteer for AmeriCorps working for Bringing Hope to single moms.


Now, why did I do all that, I don't know but all those jobs taught me something and I got to meet tons of people, too many to count. I learned so much working for the single moms foundation considering that I was happily married and never in my wildest dreams would have thought that one day I would be part of that group of women. I do know that unconsciously, I was following my mother's foot steps who was always super busy and was never home but she had no choice. She chose to be a single mother. I had a good husband at the time. Now 14 years later that is my only regret. You can do it all but not all at the same time.


Today it would not matter if I worked that much because I don't have little children at home like I did back then. I had no business working so much for so little pay and no pay at all only because I loved being busy all the time. It was like a drug and I paid the price big time. How different it would be today if I had a job. This is when I should have one and how ironic it is that I don't!

Expat's life

The life of an Expat is great! we get to live in a beautiful island with all the comforts of home and are able to save some money in the meantime if we don't eat out all the time.  Later today I went out to eat lunch and almost spent as much as what I had spent in the supermarket for a whole week but the company was great and once in a while it does not hurt. As long as we prepare most of our meals at home, we should be ok.
My goal is to save as much money to get out of debt at once and for all. even though there is no Walmart nor Macys, there is Pricesmart and ZARA but so far we have stayed away from buying too much and that is the key. I saw how much Mari and my mom have in their home in Miami that they need to empty it out. I wish I could go next weekend to help out with the move but how? What else could I do? I was there for one week and didn't get to help very much because Mari is the only one that knows what she wants to do with all her stuff. I have decided to sell or give away all my belonging when I move again and only keep the bare essentials.

How ironic

Well it is so ironic that I hurry so much to get home yesterday to be with Daniel and he leaves to go out of town for three days. How I wish I had known this when I changed my flight out of Miami so I could spend more time helping Mari and be away at the same time but nevertheless I keep telling myself how thankful I am for the few days I got to spend with sister Mari, her son Manu and my mom. Manu participated in a Chilean cueca dance contest, his first!


 We even got to see two cousins: Albert and Eric Allred. Albert was in town for the weekend and just before he left we met at Alejandro and Lexi's place. My mother had made ceviche and had already scheduled going over to his new place to eat with them. It worked out perfect. Ale and Lexi even have a dog Monte for Manu to play with. There is nothing that feels so wonderful than to be spending time with your family. I love sharing these moments the past few days with my mom and sister because you never know when will the last time you'll see them. I learned that at Mandy's wedding not doing that was the last time I was going to see Shirley.

I saw this posted on facebook today: "the empty nest comes in quickly. Do not squander your most precious privilege of participating in the lives of your children" when you become empty nester you realize how in the blink of an eye, You get to be alone way too soon and you regret the fact that you were way too busy doing so many things when you had a young family than to be with them.  Now my family is grown and they are far away.  I get to talk to them on the phone but it would be better if we all lived closer, each have to take care of their own family.

The other thing I find so ironic is the fact that my former husband worked and worked and worked so much and was never home when my girls were little and now he gets to spend all the time in the world with his two new daughters. I wish somehow he would realize how much our girls missed out on all the time he could have spent with them and would want to spend time with them now but he is too busy with his new family.  

Today Mandy said: “dad got a new puppy for his daughter Valentina.”  I pray for the day that when knowing about him and his new family would not bother me so much but it irritates me how much more of a father he is to those girls than he ever was to his biological daughters. I remember one time when I forced him to take a three week vacation and he almost had a heart attacked. He could never be away for more than two weeks but now he can be away from work for months at a time. All I can say is that I will never understand the phenomenon of how some men get a big kick out of being daddy to younger children because they want to feel young when they should only be happy with being called grandpa but no, not those insecure guys they love being sugar daddies. What a messed up world we live in!

Try your very best!

I left Miami this morning thinking of how much I miss my mom. She is so amazing. Her love for me and all her family is unconditional and only wants the best for us. She has always tried her very best.  I thought of how short life is and  how she at any given day could leave this earthy life the way my father's first wife just did. I also thought of my little sister and all her new challenges. I feel so grateful for the chance I had to be there with them this past week. We even got to attend church in the morning and to visit with Alejandro, Lexi, and even cousins Eric and Albert Allred who was visiting his brother. They were both  surprised since they had no idea I was even in town and that explains why we were with Ale and Lexi.




One thing I learned from going to church this Sunday is that we tried our best to go and went. We could have easily stayed home since we were late getting to bed but we at least made the effort. My sister is in the Primary and is doing the best she can to be there even when she is practically gone. A woman came to tell her how she didn't want her son coming to Primary because it didn't seemed organized or something like that and my question is to people like her, and what are you doing to help the situation? I found a post that describes this very thing about the world we live in from one of my favorite bloggers.

"This world is full of those who would sit back and criticize others, make snarky comments about others, tear others down or belittle their efforts. And why wouldn’t it be full of those people? It is so easy to be one of those people. Talking trash about someone takes very little effort. Finding fault with someone takes very little effort. What takes effort is to be that person who is out there fighting the fight, giving it their all, attempting to do something with their lives – that takes effort, and lots of it. It also takes courage to be the person to put yourself out there when there is always that chance that you could actually fall on your face, especially when you are surrounded by so many of those people in the world who are just watching and waiting for you to go and try and fall just to give them the opportunity to make fun or belittle your attempt. But stop for just a moment and ask yourself this question – if I was watching the person make the attempt and the person in the grandstands criticizing them…which of those two people would I feel the most proud of? Which of those two people is the person I would most like to emulate? 

For me, that is a very easy question to answer – I always want to be that person who is out there making the effort. I don’t care if that person is the one who tries and possibly fails, I just love that the person was willing to try in the first place! That is the person I most want to be in my life. There is something so noble to me about the person who is willing to try. It’s their efforts that make them amazing in my eyes. Maybe that’s because I know what it feels like to try and fail at things and I know how much inner strength it takes to get back up and brush yourself off and start again. I know how much you grow in that process and I know how much wisdom you gain going through those trials and failures and the will it takes to get back up and start again. And so I have gained a true appreciation for those individuals who choose to put themselves out there and TRY! I appreciate the EFFORT more than I care about the OUTCOME.

If I could give a gift to people it would be to help them focus on that – I would help them focus on their efforts and have them not worry about the outcomes. So many problems with people’s self-esteem or self-worth today come because of this messed up belief that it’s a person’s outcomes that defines them. That just isn’t true. 99% of the time you have no control on the outcome of a situation as there are a million other factors that come into play when determining an actual outcome. But 100% of the time you have ABSOLUTE CONTROL on your own EFFORTS in life. No one else can influence your efforts unless you choose to let them. You control your effort completely, and don’t ever forget that. Don’t worry about what “other people” might think or say or even what other people will choose to believe about you. None of those

“other people” are your judge in life anyway – that is totally between you and God and I am quite certain that He won’t give a lick of attention to what the “other people” thought. He knows exactly what efforts you make and that is all that matters.

Don’t ever let yourself hold back your own efforts out of fear of what others may say or think, or fear of the unknown, or fear of the outcome not being what you want it to be. Never curb your efforts based on something like that. Go for those goals that you want to achieve the most in your life. Make the efforts to get them. And then don’ t worry about the outcome of those goals – just focus on doing your part of the effort 100% and then trust that the outcome will be EXACTLY as it is meant to be. I can tell you that I believe in that with all my heart. I truly do. I have seen it over and over again in my own life. And nothing feels better than going to bed at the end of each day being able to say that “today I gave my best effort, and tomorrow I will do the same”. You can do so much more than you have even begun to dream of at this point in your life. Stop holding yourself back for all the wrong reasons. Be that person who is down in the stadium trying and never, ever allow yourself to be that bystander up in the bleachers criticizing those who try….

Give your best efforts to accomplish those goals that matter most to you. Focus on your efforts and then TRUST the outcome will be as it should be!" Amy

 When I read this blog post I thought of my little sister Maricela who is trying so hard at her work to be successful and she has done that. The day she told them, she was moving, they were sad and the owner wanted to know what he could do for her to stay. She is going away with her head up high that she tried her very best!

With the help of my litle friends

 What a day! we were busy in the mornng with a yard sale at Mari's house, and in the evening, we went to see Manu dance cueca on a national competition. It was the very first time he competed and did so good considering he only practiced 4 times.


At the yard sale I became more and more aware at a huge flaw my mother and I both have. We can't part from our things! She has a room full of stuff and all she took was some make up samples she sold for $35 dollars and that I think is a miracle because people there wanted everything for almost nothing. Yard sales are horrible and stressful that way because people know you have to sell your stuff and they won't give you anything for them.I was there to witness it all. Early that morning Mari woke up to start putting things out and the missionaries helped to take out the heavy furniture. Around  mid morning clouds started to make its debut and started to rain so we had to quickly get everything inside as fast as we could. Mari ended up selling a little over $300 and I guess that is better than nothing.
What I love about missionaries who are serving is the love they have for people and that can only come when you have a close relationship with Christ. How nice it was to see their service in action. This brings me to the next point I want to make about serving and exercising from a new research study I read the other day that just came out. I love the effect of exercising but even when I don't mind to exercise, it is nice to know that there is an alternative and its called service. a blogger wrote:

"I don’t hate to exercise. I really don’t but at the same time I don’t love it either. I admit it is good for you and I realize it is necessary, but I definitely don’t enjoy it to the fullest but I do it anyway if I get motivated enough. So when I read up on a new finding from a study that shows an alternative to exercise that has the same effect, only better, you bet I sit up and take notice.   Are you ready for it – Performing Acts of Kindness has a stronger effect then exercising four times a week!!!

Don’t believe me?  Well you don’t have to take my word for it – it is a study that was performed at Harvard University and the results were published in Psychology Today – it is known as the Mother Theresa Effect.  Here is what the study showed:

The Benefits of Performing Acts of Kindness

Research has shown that those who routinely engage in acts of kindness:

• Experience alleviation of stress
• Experience alleviation of chronic pain
• Experience alleviation of insomnia
• Experience fewer aches and pains
• Have a lessened likelihood of experiencing diseases and disorders
• Overall health is protected twice as much as aspirin protects against heart disease
• Have a significantly lower likelihood of dying of diseases
• Have markedly increased levels of Immunoglobulin A (antibody which boosts immunity)
• Have significant increase in Serotonin levels (chemical in brain that makes us feel good)
• Have decreased feelings of depression
• Have increased sense of happiness and optimism
• Have an increased sense of self worth
• Have enhanced feelings of joyfulness
• Have a boost in their sense of physical and emotional well being

The effects of doing acts of kindness have a stronger effect than exercising four times a week.

That is what I am talking about!  That is fantastic!  And doing acts of kindness is so much better than exercise, and WAY MORE FUN!  Not only that but you don’t even have to break a sweat doing it.  Even better :).

So if you want to get your daily workout in then go do an act of kindness see how much better you look because of it and I take that over breaking a sweat." Amy


Our family is known to have done a lot of acts of service in another post I will write about some of the amazing things we got to accomplished.

 

Daniel makes a quick stop

Today I met up with the love of my life. Daniel had a trip planned months ago where he would be stopping in Miami to take the next flight home so our vacation continuous.  Ale pick him up from the airport and went to Mari's so we could all go out to eat and then we checked in the hotel for the night. How sweet is that!



Yesterday was actually an official state holiday in Utah, and since we had just returned from the historical sites in New York from Joseph Smith era, I just want to salute those men, women and children who gave up so much including their lives so the truth about the gospel of Jesus Christ would be known. 

The pioneers who came to Utah faced tremendous hardships to get to the state. They traveled with handcarts across the plains and many of them lost children, spouses, siblings as they made their way to Utah. They faced attacks by mobs and they faced snow storms and starvation. The stories from the journals of the pioneers are stories of tremendous faith and perseverance.

If you want to see an awesome movie about the pioneers I would highly recommend the movie “17 Miracles” which is out on DVD. It is an amazing movie and watching it will touch your heart tremendously the movie tell about many miracles that took place as they were crossing the frontier. It shows how much faith they had to have to endure incredible persecution. They had no choice but to move west crossing the mountains pushing hand carts and wagons not knowing exactly where they were going to end up but one day finally on July 24th, 1847 the Pioneers first arrived to settle Utah! Pioneer day is design to celebrate the settling of the state of Utah and it is celebrated each year with parades and fireworks and rodeos and many other fun activities.

I would love to be in Utah on this day next year and watch the parade from our apartment balcony and invite our kids and their families. Sydney is planning a family reunion in Utah next July.

Just do it!

My husband Daniel has commented on a phrase a guy made once about me. He said: When veronica wants something, Veronica gets it! It does not always work out that way because we don't always get our way on things we don't have any control but on the things we DO control I know we can make it happen if we try. I wanted to come to Miami to see my mother and sister and her son and here I am. I made it happened. I also wanted to visit the children this year: Andres, Cristi, Mandy, Herni, Ani, Pablo and Bianca and their family and that also happened. Why? because we planned it, we took the right steps to accomplished it and here I am. We even got to see Karla Alvord and her cute girls in Conneticut. I could not have asked for a better vacation.


In my life getting my way was for instance graduting from BYU that took many years to accomplish but when it was completed, it felt so good. All my travels around the world have also happend becaue I made the effort for them to happen like this wonderful trip this year to the States and when I think of it, this is not just me making things happen it is a natural law to make things happen when you put your mind to it. Going to Brazil for the World Cup for my sister Liz and her husband, going to Spain for Mandy and Spencer with his parents, going on a family reunion Cruise for my mother a few years ago, and for my little sister Mari is moving to Idaho. A  big reason why I am in Miami today, I felt the need to help my sister with the transition of the move because she has experienced a sad and complicated divorce similar to mine and needs to get away from so much drama. She is making it happen and it is a big step that she is taking in the right direction. She can only think for one day at a time for now.  She is considering the move to Idaho for one year until she can get her finances in order and then decide if she returns to Miami or stays there.


 While she resides in Idaho, Mari plans to save money and be able to slow down to spend more time with her son. My mother is going to be traveing back and forth now, between El Salvador, Mexico and Idaho. She was not too keen on the idea of Mari moving that far north but now she has approved the move knowing that it's the best for both Mari and her son. The moral of the story is that when you want something, just go for it or it will never happen. Just do it!






'

Mama Mia

Spending time with our family queen! Today as I was talking with my mom she reminded me how at any given  moment God might want her to return home. she does not know if she is going to be around for very long and appreciates that I took the time to come over to be with her. What I noticed is that when we are with people we love it does not matter where we are and what we are doing. Mari has to be at work all day so we just hang out at home doing ordinary tasks like cooking, doing dishes and cleaning but even those things seemed wonderful when you got great company. 

“Sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people.”  -Elizabeth Green

How true is this quote. My mom and I hang out today and talked about anything nothing big or important, we just talked about ordinary things. And that very ordinary thing of just having a conversation with her turned a boring time into an extraordinary time just because I was able to spend that quality time with my mom today.  

What I learned today is that when you do things with the right people in life it makes everything awesome.  It just does.  You can be doing the lamest task and it can still be an awesome experience if you do it with the right people.  I believe that the overall quality of our lives comes down very much to the people we spend our time with – the people we surround ourselves by every single day.  If we choose good people to be in our lives we will have a good life.  If we surround ourselves with people who are great, our lives will be great.

It has been said that we become just like the people we spend the most time with…I figure that with my husband Daniel, his mother and my mother, my sisters and our children are about as good as it gets for me!  I feel very blessed to have those people in my life and they make every day I spend with them extraordinary.

Here is to spending your time with those people who make you the GREATEST!  Those are the people that deserve your time anyway.

 

Welcome to Miami, Bienvenidos a Miami

Spending time with family is my favorite hobby. Got to see Ale, Mari,  Manu amd  my mom, Love to be with family, grateful for the blessing to spend time with them. A long flight here from New York but well worth it. There is something I hope to never have to regret and that is to find time to be with family. Close and extended. I want to second what a friend once wrote on her blog declaring:

"I was able to hear an amazing talk the other day that every person in this world would benefit from reading. The talk was fairly long, so I have copied and pasted some of the sections of the talk below to share it with you. It’s not the entire talk below, but I pulled out a meaningful subset for you that contains some of the most amazing advice I have ever heard – even the excerpt below is still a little bit long, but I can absolutely promise you that  it  is100% worth taking the time to read today – it will change your life!

“When we are young, it seems that we will live forever. We think there is a limitless supply of sunrises waiting just beyond the horizon, and the future looks to us like an unbroken road stretching endlessly before us.

However, the older we get, the more we tend to look back and marvel at how short that road really is. We wonder how the years could have passed so quickly. And we begin to think about the choices we made and the things we have done. In the process, we remember many sweet moments that give warmth to our souls and joy to our hearts. But we also remember the regrets—the things we wish we could go back and change.

A nurse who cares for the terminally ill says that she has often asked a simple question of her patients as they prepared to depart this life.

“Do you have any regrets?” she would ask.

Perhaps the most universal regret dying patients expressed was that they wished they had spent more time with the people they love.

Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life.

Is it?

In our day it is easy to merely pretend to spend time with others. With the click of a mouse, we can “connect” with thousands of “friends” without ever having to face a single one of them. Technology can be a wonderful thing, and it is very useful when we cannot be near our loved ones. My wife and I live far away from precious family members; we know how that is. However, I believe that we are not headed in the right direction, individually and as a society, when we connect with family or friends mostly by reposting humorous pictures, forwarding trivial things, or linking our loved ones to sites on the Internet. I suppose there is a place for this kind of activity, but how much time are we willing to spend on it? If we fail to give our best personal self and undivided time to those who are truly important to us, one day we will regret it.

Let us resolve to cherish those we love by spending meaningful time with them, doing things together, and cultivating treasured memories.

Another regret people expressed was that they failed to become the person they felt they could and should have been. When they looked back on their lives, they realized that they never lived up to their potential, that too many songs remained unsung.

Another regret of those who knew they were dying may be somewhat surprising. They wished they had let themselves be happier.

So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.

The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness.

We do matter. We determine our happiness.

You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness.

My wife, Harriet, and I love riding our bicycles. It is wonderful to get out and enjoy the beauties of nature. We have certain routes we like to bike, but we don’t pay too much attention to how far we go or how fast we travel in comparison with other riders.

However, occasionally I think we should be a bit more competitive. I even think we could get a better time or ride at a higher speed if only we pushed ourselves a little more. And then sometimes I even make the big mistake of mentioning this idea to my wonderful wife.

Her typical reaction to my suggestions of this nature is always very kind, very clear, and very direct. She smiles and says, “Dieter, it’s not a race; it’s a journey. Enjoy the moment.”

How right she is!

Sometimes in life we become so focused on the finish line that we fail to find joy in the journey. I don’t go cycling with my wife because I’m excited about finishing. I go because the experience of being with her is sweet and enjoyable.

Doesn’t it seem foolish to spoil sweet and joyful experiences because we are constantly anticipating the moment when they will end?

Do we listen to beautiful music waiting for the final note to fade before we allow ourselves to truly enjoy it? No. We listen and connect to the variations of melody, rhythm, and harmony throughout the composition.

We shouldn’t wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect.

No matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it.

Perhaps we should be looking less with our eyes and more with our hearts. I love the quote: “One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.”

So isn’t it better to see with our eyes and hearts even the small things we can be thankful for, rather than magnifying the negative in our current condition?

Let us resolve to be happy, regardless of our circumstances.

One day we will take that unavoidable step and cross from this mortal sphere into the next estate. One day we will look back at our lives and wonder if we could have been better, made better decisions, or used our time more wisely.

To avoid some of the deepest regrets of life, it would be wise to make some resolutions today. Therefore, let us:

•Resolve to spend more time with those we love.

•Resolve to strive more earnestly to become the person God wants us to be.

•Resolve to find happiness, regardless of our circumstances.”

                                                                                                                                -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I LOVE THIS TALK! I am going to read it over and over so I can remember it!  I love the three resolutions it listed and I am going to try really hard to live by those myself.  I love inspiring talks like this because they always influence my life for the better.  What a great way to start off a new day!   Have an amazing day today everyone!  And make the three resolutions!  If you do it will not only change your lives, it will also change the lives of the people you love!"


 Someday I want to honestly say that I did resolved to spend time with those I love, to be the type of woman God wants me to be and to find happiness regardless of my circumstances and I want this also to be something my whole family will strive to accomplish as well.

 

Don't worry, be happy!

Attended church and fixed dinner for Jamaican family who came to dinner in the evening. It turned out that the family coming to dinner offered to bring curry chicken and rice but couldn't fix it at last minute so we had to prepare it all and that made us late for church, however food was all ready when they arrived to eat. Bianca made sure she bought juice because apparently they prefer that than water so here is a good recipe for next time.

 Lemon Berry Melonade by Amy

Quench the summer heat with this refreshing spin on classic flavored lemonade:

Blend, chill and serve:

8 cups cubed and seeded watermelon (try it frozen)

1 cup strawberries, halved

1/2 cup fresh lemon juice

1 cup white sugar

2 cups water or Sprite

 

Jamaicans are happy people, no doubt about it. One Aunt came with the rest of the family who is visiting New York for a few months and she giggle and giggle the whole time she was there. Teasing her nephew and just laughing so hard at times if was hilarious. I remember that song of don't worry, be happy and their motto found in every souvenir you buy of No problem. Jamaicans are so fun to be around because they are such happy people. There are a few talks that come to mind and a quote on the subject that comes to mind.

"In all of living, have much of fun and laughter.

Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."  –Gordon B. Hinckley

What an important reminder.  You would think it would be a no-brainer that life is meant to be enjoyed, but I think the reality is that it is not.  It is so easy to get sucked into the business of life and the stresses that surround us to the point that we go into endurance mode and we genuinely forget that the purpose of life is to enjoy it!

We slip into the mode of enduring each day and hoping that some day it will all get easier and better.  But it doesn’t get easier or better, because it isn’t our circumstances that are the problem, it is our own perspective and outlook that has become distorted.  We have become overly focused on everything that “is not” rather than everything that “is”. We have become overly focused on everything that we don’t have rather than everything that we have.  We have become overly focused on ourselves rather than others.  And when we allow that to happen our lives suddenly feel overwhelming and stressful and sad.

If we can step back and put things in the proper perspective, recognizing all the blessings in our lives, appreciating all our loved ones, and acknowledging all that is good in the world, suddenly our spirits are lifted and we are able to have much fun and laughter – and that is what life should be.

“This is our one and only chance at mortal life – here and now.  The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief.  Opportunities come, and then they are gone.  I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not.  I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do.  Instead find joy in the journey…NOW.”  

 – Thomas S. Monson

 

Busy Saturday

A day was spent with karla and girls, a visit to the fair in Canaan in the morning and a baptism in the afternoon and visit with the a ward family in the evening all in one day. The baptism was very tender for me since I got to hear Bianca sing. I love her music and voice. She is my baby I know but others have also commented on how they love to hear her sing like an angel. The mother of the two boys getting baptize was crying as Bianca sang. She can bring such a good spirit into any meeting and that is her most amazing talent. Bianca and Joseph as the Bishop are always so busy doing good. I remember a blog post I saw commenting on this very thing which read as follows:

"I think it’s important to stop every now and then and ask yourself if you are paying enough attention to the impact you have on others. Are your actions making other people’s lives better? Or are your actions making other people’s lives worse? The answer is either one or the other, so it’s critical that you be aware of what that answer is…. 

I think if all of us made the effort to pay attention to the impact we had on others that we could be a constant force for good. We could constantly make sure that we are lifting people up and making situations better and improving things around us. All it takes is just paying a little more attention to your own behavior so you don’t let yourself slip into doing things that are negative. Focus on being a positive force!"

Bianca and Joseph for sure are a force for good and I am such a proud momma!

A day with Bianca

Bianca and I are spending our day doing chores. Yes, is sounds tedious but cleaning and washing clothes is what we are doing today. We were both commenting that It seems that everything is harder to do in New York, from driving to parking to buying food to washing clothes. I could probably do it for a short time but I am amazed at people who live here all their lives and how they cope with so much inconvenience but not everyone lives in apartments, if you have enough money there are some very nice suburbs with beautiful homes where it is so peaceful if you had a few million dollars.


But Bianca is a special girl. She finds a way to enjoy the moment even in the saddest times. She is amazing. I was looking at her and for a moment I literally felt as if I was in the presence of an angel. She reminded me of a this quote:

"The most beautiful people I know are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.  These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion and a deep loving concern.”   -author unknown

People who have been through hard times are truly beautiful.  They are inspiring for the rest of us when we hear of their hardships and see them come out on the other side of them.  They have a grace and a humility and a wisdom about them.  They have more tender hearts, more empathy, and a softness about them that can only come from having been through difficulties.  Those people make others feel like things can, and will, all turn out okay for the rest of us, because, if they could survive what they have, then so should all of us.

The next time you yourself are going through something difficult, just keep in mind that your ability to endure it and get through it to the other side, will someday serve as an inspiration to someone else heading into tough times.  To them it is you who will be seen as the most beautiful person they know….so hang in there for both your sakes.

My sweet Bianca is hanging in there, making life the best she can with what has been handed to her. She is a strong woman, I am deeply proud of my girl and know that one day, she will be rewarded for her deep faith and trust in the Lord.

Feeding the missionaries

Two sets of missionaries had dinner with us here in New York today. One set of boys and one set of girls. Joseph and Bianca ordered New York pizza and buffalo wigs to complement the salad, fruit and ice-cream we had for dinner. All very New York and all very delicious!


 For two of them this week was their last week on their mission. It was so great to visit with such incredible noble young people. the most important thing they got out of their mission according to what they said was to have a better relationship with the Savior, to gain a testimony and to know that God loves them.


One missionary in particular told of a story that he wanted to feel the love of the Savior and he had prayed one day and fasted that he would feel his love but to his surprised the feeling didn't come. He prayed even harder and nothing but one day as he was visiting a family a little girl asked him the question? That God loves me? and when he answered yes he does. It is when he felt the amazing feeling of how much God loves him too. It was a testimony to him that he got his answer. That one single experience made his mission the best thing that has ever happen to him.


When I see these young men and women doing so much good, serving one another by following the teachings of the Lord I think of this poem because their life on the mission on a day by day basis is to always be thinking of doing good. They are doing the Lords errands as representatives of Him.

“This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good.  What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind…let it be something good.”

Author Unknown


I was so blessed to have been part of this bittersweet farewell for these missionaries: sister Crawford from Colorado and elder Davidson from Utah and wish them all the best as they return back home.

Mean and selfish people

Today I spoke with Liz who was upset at the people who run the apartment's  association because they are bothering my tenants the same way they did with the missionaries when they left. They make their life impossible and I don't understand why? I am mad at them and can't wait to be there again and make sure they hear from me. Apparently they don't want the young men there to have anyone visiting. I can't believe how horrible that place is. I can't wait to finally sell it but it turns out that the woman who lives downstairs is the one causing all the problems. She and only she is the one complaining to the association and she is the one who harassed the poor girls who live there before. The missionaries were terrified of  her. I can't believe there can be people like that. So today I want to talk about petty people and those who facilitate their bad behavior.
 

All of us have dealt with them before, those people who are petty, mean, and selfish.  They are those people who are focused only on themselves, their wants, their hurts, and their problems.  The petty ones can be found parading their “poor me” attitude in an attempt to garner pity and attention from those around them; and the mean ones can be found using dishonest and manipulative behavior to try and paint themselves in the better light with the hopes of making others around them look worse.  The petty people tend to be consummate victims; the mean people tend to be incredibly insecure; and both seem to always have justifications handy to excuse their inappropriate behaviors. 

There is no such thing as petty or mean person who is happy with themselves; rather they would be described as insecure, jealous, angry, envious, spiteful, and in constant need of attention.  They are never satisfied or grateful for what they have, rather they focus their entire attention on everything they don’t have, and they try and tear down anyone else who truly is happy in their lives.   Both are one thing and one thing only – TOXIC!

Unfortunately we live in a world where at some point we will have no choice but to encounter these people, so how can we best handle them?

First we have to remember that we cannot control someone else’s behavior.  We can only control our own.  Our focus must be on controlling our own actions and reactions and we can’t allow ourselves to get sucked into their madness.  When we allow ourselves to get sucked into it, we only end up hurting ourselves and rewarding them, which only encourages them to continue with their bad behavior.

Next we have to remember that you cannot “fix” someone else.   Everyone has to take responsibility for their own actions, and when we mistakenly think that we have the ability to change another person we only end up bringing ourselves down in the process, rather than lifting the other person up.  Often in trying to “fix” a petty or mean person we end up facilitating their bad behavior and making excuses for them, which only encourages them to continue their bad behavior. 

One of the worst traps we can fall into is the trap of becoming an enabler to those who are petty or those who are mean.  We cannot let our own actions become a facilitator that rewards and encourages the bad behavior of another.  Doing so will only push them further down the path they are already on. We must be willing to take a stand on what is right and stand against what is wrong.  We must stand true to our values, doing so in the most respectful way possible.  Some describe this as “tough love”.  We should never allow ourselves to shrink from standing for what’s right with the excuse of trying to “help” that other person, or out of a desire not to “hurt their feelings”.  Bad behavior is just that, it’s bad.   We can’t allow ourselves to be treated badly or taken advantage of as it doesn’t just hurt us; it also hurts the person committing the bad acts.  By standing for what is right we both set an example for the other person as well as teach them that they must behave differently if they are to be part of your life. 

Finally, we have to recognize when the time has come that we must simply walk away.  At the point it becomes clear to you that these petty or mean spirited people are not going to change, the best thing to do is to walk away and cut off any association with them going forward.    As hard as that may be, there comes a point where that may be the best option.  My suggestion is that this step be taken only after you have taken time to truly contemplate if doing so is the right thing for you to do.  You need to feel good about the decision to walk away.  Don’t ever allow yourself to walk away in anger or bitterness.  You need to feel good about the choice you make.  And if you end up determining that ending the association with toxic people in your life is the right step to take, then do so in the most respectful way possible.  Keep your integrity in the process.  Then walk away and learn whatever you can from the experience that can help you in the future.  After all,

“Some people aren’t meant to be in our lives forever,

some are just passing through to teach us a lesson.”

so learn the lessons and move forward.  The world is full of amazing people to make part of your life.  I can attest to that as I have met a tremendous number of amazing people that lift me up and make me a better person by having them in my life.  There are plenty of happy, secure, kind people out there who have gratitude and who spread joy to others.  Fill your life with those people because “your life is bigger and better than that!”  So live it joyously!

 

New York, New York

Monday was the last day we would be in New York so we went on a city tour. Got to see the 9 11 memorial, and got to see time square at night. What an incredible city, full of people running from one place to another like there is no tomorrow. Today we got up super early to take Daniel to the airport,  he got to be up graded both from New York to Miami and Miami to Santo Domingo due to his platinum status at American Airlines. He got to visit Alejandro and his new home in Miami. While I got to do some shopping at Costco in New York. Bianca got to see the people from Social Services. Life is busy and complicated at times but regardless of how hard it must feel at times, nothing can ever compare to the hardships the Pioneers had to experience in the mid 1800's. How grateful I am to live in this era of internet, GPS, and iPhones.

Make it happen

I didn't realize how close we were to Canada until we went to Niagara Falls.  A beautiful site! We took pictures and got on the boat ride Maid of the Mist. We were given some ponchos but got all wet anyway. I love the fact that we decided to go there as well since we were so close even when it made the return much longer. More and more I have come to the realization that taking trips with family is probably the best thing for the soul. We get to be together talking and enjoying the scenery. It is something I want to do more often. I read a post that clearly describes my hectic life it reads:

"Life is hectic.  We go go go and we are way too busy and we can’t seem to keep up with the ever growing to do lists we have.  We spend most days just trying to make it through our day and hope to get one or two items done on our list.  And this cycle goes on day after day after day…..it never seems to change…..unless you force it to.  Our routine only gets interrupted with something COOL or AMAZING when we force it to.

For example, family vacations.  Or an exciting weekend getaway with your honey.  Or accomplishing a goal by running a marathon, or climbing a mountain, or some major event goal you have.  Those only take place when we DECIDE we will do them, then we SCHEDULE them, then we MAKE THEM HAPPEN.

Sadly, we don’t make them happen nearly enough.  Mostly because the thought of them often feels like just one more stress to add to our plates.  The preparation they take.  The coordination they require.  The planning in advance. All of those can seem like daunting tasks when you are already busy.

But here is what has hit me a lot lately – the question of “What do I want to do before I die?”  And I would ask you to consider the same – “What do you want to do before you die?”  Really think about it.  What do we want to do before we die?  When it comes our time to do what will be things we stop and think “I wish I had accomplished that” or “I wish I had visited there” or “I wish I had fixed that” or “I wish I had done that”.  Think about it.  Then sit down and start to write a list of those things that come to mind.

Perhaps it is a place you wanted to visit.  Or a person you wish you had made time for. Or an adventure you wish you had taken. Or a family member you wished you had been better friends with. Or a goal you wish you had accomplished.  Whatever it is, write it down.  Then get out your digital calendar and just start scheduling dates in the future for when you are going to make it happen.  Just pick a date, any date.  Maybe schedule one each quarter of the year or maybe do the big trips one per year…it doesn’t matter how many and how far apart, it only matters that you DECIDE and the SCHEDULE them because once you do both of those you will get yourself to MAKE IT HAPPEN!"

And for me this one time going to the Niagara Falls, I made it happen!