Blending a family

Reading an article in Psychology today and also discussed in a psychology class at BYU it is a known fact that second marriages are even most likely not to survive. the article reads: " We all have heard the stats pertaining divorce rate of marriages in the American home from 42 to 49% for the first marriage then escalates to around 60% to 67% for the second marriage then jumps again to approximately 74%  for marriage number three. We'll stop there in the interest of brevity, but there is obviously a trending north of 75% for nuptials 4 and higher."


Daniel and I shared the same notion that no matter what the statistics are, we are going to make it!! We share the notion that all human beings want to feel loved and that and that they belong to someone of something. Our family needs to be the unit of love and belonging despite the current of external influences. We made a vow that we would not use the word step when referring to any of our children and to never treat the other in a manner that we don't want to be treated. He told me that when he was alone raising his kids they used this Golden Rule by making sure some unwritten good rules were followed:


Dinner time: It was expected to eat together. Daniel gets very irritated when he sees people eating by themselves and not sharing with others.


Family counsels s: As a couple he can't stand when I make decisions without consulting him first. He wants us to be a team and to make all decisions together so we all  have a stake in the process and outcome. In the church everything is done within groups call counsels and that how it needs to be in the home.


Dealing with issues: We tend to keep short accounts with each other and not let issues build up in layers thus causing a volcanic explosion. We are easy to forgive and let go versus beating on a dead horse over issued we can't control.


Family Traditions: We make birthdays and other occasions special. We say I love you at least twice a day when we wake up and go to bed. Remember the saying: " Never go to bed angry."


Pray together: We not only pray at home before every meal but even in public. We don't make a lot of fuss about it, we just close our eyes and in silence we give thanks for our food. Because it is ok to display our belief system publicly and not be ashamed of who we are.


Accept how we each are: We have learned to accept each other as individuals without trying to change them, the same way we learn to accept people as they are outside our family.


If a change is necessary: we discuss the issue with a clear and concise explanation of its benefits as well as the penalty for non-compliance both in our home and in life.


Learning from each other: We take time to get to learn each other's ways of doing things and appreciate the strengths and challenges we all inherently have and discuss them in a loving and non-judgmental way.


We support one another: we share our joys and accomplishments as well as our failings and sorrows for support and understanding.


Certainly there is no magic stair step method to successfully be a blended family. I am sure we can all believe in one thing. We want to find joy and happiness in this life and that as people we all want to leave this life that someone will benefit from a legacy we've created filled with fond thoughts and memories.  We decided to start a blended family and those memories we are creating will remain forever as we change from a blended family to a forever family.