Where did the time go?

I would give anything to go back for one day when my girls were little. They grew up too fast! Cristi was studios and always wanted to do well at everything she tried. Here is an excerpt of something she wrote on one of her blog posts. 

 

“When I was in my early years of grade school-  my mom went to parent teacher conference and the teacher reported being very "pleased" with my hard work and behavior in school. 

 

After a long pause she continued on with, "However, I am concerned with her stomach." Basically stating that at moments I seemed anxious or nervous... 

...and she was right.

 

My stomach often was in knots or had dancing butterflies whirling inside.

I was nervous.

 

I put a lot of pressure on myself to please my teacher and my parents... and well myself really. It hung over my head each and every day as I tried to do my work "perfectly." My mom recalls moments when I would be practicing my handwriting and would not get a certain letter to be just the way I wanted- I would end up erasing holes into my paper and then crumple it up and start over...and over...and over again.

 

I took school really seriously (a little to seriously- why didn't anyone tell me elementary grades didn't really count towards anything!) and therefore, I was slightly obsessive about it. Maybe a touch of OCD?

 

I was that kid that never had to be reminded to do my homework. I just did it. The consequence of not having it turned in was enough to make me never forget an assignment...EVER. I was a mother's dream.

 

Luckily, that perfectionist little girl- the girl who felt like she had to do everything perfectly- is just a distant memory.

 

Today, I am much more free. I am okay to not have everything go as planned. I am okay with leaving a mess...a little too good at that one- I think. I am okay about coloring outside of the lines or making a mistake. And I am okay about not being perfect and pleasing everyone.

 

It was through expressive art journaling-  that I have found how to let go of controlling an outcome and just roll with what is.

 It is what it is- is now my motto or in the words, ‘Do your best forget the rest.’

 

Oh yes, Cristi loved school from the time she started kindergarten and was a straight A student. She felt mortified when she saw a 90 something on one of her papers because she expected to get 100% always! I am glad she finally learned to relax a bit. Today is her birthday so I hope she gets a day off from over achieving so much. Enjoy your day!

 

Con amor

Vero