Activity day of what makes you special

Today the kids were to draw themselves and place on that paper all their qualities and what makes them special. I found an activity on pinterest that loved. The kids were to draw their face and to write all kinds of good things about them to remind them how special they are. Amy, my favorite blogger also had something that caught my attention, she wrote:

"Stop being unhappy with yourself. You are perfect. Stop wishing you looked like someone else or wishing people liked you as much as they like someone else. Stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you. Stop hating your body, your face, your personality, your quirks. Love them. Without those things you wouldn’t be you. And why would you want to be anyone else? Be confident with who you are. Smile. It’ll draw people in. if anyone hates on you because you are happy with yourself then smile and say I think you’re great, but my happiness will not depend on others anymore. I’m happy because I love who I am. I love my flaws. I love my imperfections. They make me me. And “me” is pretty amazing.”Okay so I am going to have to admit that I had to edit that quote I found just a teeny bit because it’s suggestion for what to say to someone who hates on you was a bit on the HR non-compliant side as it was written by someone originally, but the overall message is FABULOUS! Just like all of you are!

Yes, you are fabulous and amazing and wonderful. You are unique in a million different ways. And yes you have flaws, but who doesn’t?? Okay, so every part of you is not as perfect as the supermodels in the Victoria Secret catalog or the men on the cover of men’s health – but neither are theirs!! It’s called airbrushing and photoshop people. No one is flawless, on the outside nor the inside. And frankly if you are going to focus one just one of those my advice is to put your efforts into fixing the inside first because outer beauty is only skin deep, but inner ugly is forever! So work on making your inner self the most beautiful it can be first and foremost. I truly believe that doing that ends up making your outer beauty improve as well because when someone radiates a good soul they become more beautiful all over.Look, all of us have our days when we are hard on ourselves, but you need to KNOCK IT OFF. Just do your best that you can do each day and then let that be enough! You are ENOUGH! The only time you should be down on yourself is when you know inside that you didn’t give your best effort, and given that you can control giving your best effort you can therefore control feeling good about yourself. Success isn’t in the outcome, it’s in your efforts. Remember that.I want all of you to do me a favor today:


Every time today that you see a mirror or you catch your reflection in your computer monitor or in the glass doors to the office just pause for a moment and say out loud “I AM GORGEOUS!” That’s right. Say it. And mean it!

Every time today that you gave a situation your best effort I want you to stop and say out loud “I AM FANTASTIC!” And mean it!Last, but definitely not least, every time today that you are kind to another person or do an act of service I want you to stop and say out loud “I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SOUL!” And mean it. Because its true. You do have a beautiful soul." All of the children who came have beautiful souls and most importantly they are all children of a loving Heavenly Father. The paper they took home said I am a child of God and that should be enough for each one of us to feel special.

Mad at the American people

Ok I guess I don't understand why people didn't vote for a wonderful man to be their President but that is the cruel truth. Mitt Romney lost the election over two years ago and that was a sad day for me. I was looking forward to having a decent president for a change. Today he announced he won't run again and maybe its best for his family. What a disappointing day this was. I was heartbroken for the Romneys when they lost and now it bring back those memories. Which brings me to these words written by Amy the day after the election, over two years ago:

“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~Unknown

"I have to say that I was disappointed to see the Presidential race... to me, this loss was a very tough loss indeed.

Even though I am sad about Mitt Romney’s loss, I for one, do not think it is appropriate to trash talk anyone who was chosen to hold the office of “President of the U.S.” – Even if the person who wins the Presidency isn’t the person I voted for, they are still the President of our country, and I believe that we have a duty to show respect for the position, whether or not we respect the individual that holds the position.   Because of this I will refrain from saying any negative comments about the President.  I just pray that the President will recognize the changes that he needs to make in order to lead the country in a better direction, and I pray he will have the courage to actually do the right things.  All Americans should be praying for that.  We desperately need it.

As disappointing as the results of this election were, the results are what they are, and at this point I have to remind myself that we cannot change the past, we can only move forward into the future and do the best we can with the situation as it is.   We need to do the best we can to pull our country together.  It was clear from the way the election votes came out that we are a country strongly divided.  Somehow we need to find ways to remember that we should all have the same end goals in mind of improving our economy, improving our security, and protecting our liberty.  We have to work together if we want things to improve and I really hope we will see that happen more in our countries leaders moving forward.  I personally refuse to lose hope for the future, even if it seems a little bleak right now.  I still believe in America and all that it stands for. I still believe we are meant to be One Nation Under God, even if many people seem to have forgotten that.  We need to do the best we can to support our country coming back together again.  We all need to continue to have hope for the future…"

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

~Amy

I think many Americans have been praying for guidance and direction. In only two more years, we will have a new President. What is important now is to look forward and do things better this time around. I hate how Republicans are so divided. Don't they realize they will never win another Presidential election if they don't get their act together? I hope a miracle happens and someday a person of great integrity will rule our great nation but it won't be Mitt Romney and that is the sad reality.

 

God is our Father who loves us

Today the Institute class was about our Father in Haven and ways we need to understand him and how much he loves each one of us,  his spirit children. We sang I am a child of God as a hymn.  It would be interesting to find out how many people really believe that they are of royal lineage and how that would change their view on themselves like "The Touch of the Master's Hand" poem by  Myra Brooks Welch

The Touch of the Master’s Hand

 ’Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer

Thought it scarcely worth his while

To waste much time on the old violin,

But held it up with a smile:

“What am I bidden, good folks,” he cried,

“Who’ll start the bidding for me?”

“A dollar, a dollar”; then, “Two!” “Only two?

Two dollars, and who’ll make it three?

Three dollars, once; three dollars, twice;

Going for three—” But no,

From the room, far back, a gray-haired man

Came forward and picked up the bow;

Then, wiping the dust from the old violin,

And tightening the loose strings,

He played a melody pure and sweet

As a caroling angel sings.

The music ceased, and the auctioneer,

With a voice that was quiet and low,

Said, “What am I bid for the old violin?”

And he held it up with the bow.

“A thousand dollars, and who’ll make it two?

Two thousand! And who’ll make it three?

Three thousand, once, three thousand, twice,

And going, and gone!” said he.

The people cheered, but some of them cried,

“We do not quite understand

What changed its worth.” Swift came the reply:

“The touch of a master’s hand.”

And many a man with life out of tune,

And battered and scarred with sin,

Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd,

Much like the old violin.

A “mess of pottage,” a glass of wine,

A game—and he travels on.

He’s “going” once, and “going” twice,

He’s “going” and almost “gone.”

But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd

Never can quite understand

The worth of a soul and the change that’s wrought

By the touch of the Master’s hand.   

 I love this poem because it perfectly illustrates how valuable each of us truly is in God’s eyes.

Self-esteem is a topic we read self-help books about and go to workshops to try and improve.  Everyone struggles to some extent with questions of their own self-worth.  It is a constant struggle for many people.  I believe that the key to self-esteem is to stop worrying what other people think about you and start focusing your attention on what you think God thinks of you.  God sees the best in us.  He knows what we are capable of.  He knows our weaknesses and he knows our strengths.  He never unfairly judges us.  And He always wants to help us be our very best self. So we can trust Him completely.  We can’t trust other people to the same extent we can trust God because God doesn’t misjudge or make mistakes in His opinion of us.  That is why His opinion should be the only opinion that we let count.  Once you can focus on that it becomes much easier to start to take control of your own self-esteem.  Just act in a way that you feel you would make Him proud of you and your self-esteem will go up.  Significantly.  Then trust Him to take the value that exists within you and with your help, he will make you amazing.  You just have to show up and do your best….He will do the rest. In the class today we studies Our Father in Haven as a loving father who is all knowing, all powerful and perfect. He knows the today, yesterday and tomorrow, he is all knowing and his love for us is incomprehensible.

 

                               

 

A no show

Tonight I fixed dinner for my neighbors kids (teenagers) who are home alone but they didn't show up for dinner and didn't call to say they were not coming :(so you might be thinking how rude but the truth is that I only assumed that they would want to come eat dinner with us and not go out to get a hamburger with their friends. Silly me. A post by Amy the other day reminded me of this very thing. She wrote:  

Before you “assume”, try this crazy method called asking.”

Wow….that is a powerful quote.  When I first read it, it really hit me.  It is so true!  So often in life we just assume we know…we assume we know what someone thinks, we assume they did something just because someone else said they did, we assume someone doesn’t care about us, we assume someone is wrong, and the list of assumptions goes on and on….

So why don’t we just ASK more?  Why don’t we just stop ourselves from passing judgment until AFTER we have simply asked the person to tell us themselves?  I have wondered about that a lot.  I think some of the reasons we don’t just ask might be PRIDE, or EMBARASSMENT, or SHAME, or FEAR, or OUR OWN NEGATIVE ATTITUDE.  At least when I think about the times I didn’t just ask someone directly those are probably the reasons that might have stopped me in the past…sad, but probably true.  I can’t think of a positive reason why I would ask someone, only stupid selfish reasons and none of them are reasons I would feel proud to have.  So what does that say?  It says we should ALWAYS ASK BEFORE WE ASSUME.

If all of us would do that, ask before assume, can you imagine how many less hurt feelings there would be in this world? How many misunderstandings would disappear?  How many more friendships would last?  How many new friendships might form? How many marriages would survive and be stronger?  How many relationships would be happier? How many families would be closer?  How many workplace politics could go away?  No question the world would be a much happier place.

So that is today’s challenge for all of us – Before we assume, try the crazy method called asking….and see how much happier your life becomes as a result.

Have an incredible day!
~Amy

I assumed they would love to visit with us so I just called and said, if you feel like having dinner with us, make sure you come tonight around 6:30 pm it was an open invitation if they felt like it but nothing, the boys didn't come and is because I should  have asked would you like to have dinner tonight with us, and I am sure the answer would have been no thanks! 

Make it happen

Yesterday was a holiday again in the DR they have four Holidays in the month of January. I love it because it is a month you have a lot of catching up to do after the busy December month. Yesterday I paid all my bills. I love to be solvent and never owe anyone a dime. It gives me such a great feeling and comfort. The key is not how much you make but how well you budget. Spending money is tricky for me, I want to save all I can but at the same time I want to enjoy the finer things in life like travel. I love to travel and that can be expensive but it is what makes me happy because when I travel, I do it so I can spend time with family. I guess bottom line is, how can I make the most out of my travels to be with family and how can I plan for them considering that life is so hectic!  My favorite blogger, Amy wrote this on her post a few months ago:  "We go go go and we are way too busy and we can’t seem to keep up with the ever growing to do lists we have.  We spend most days just trying to make it through our day and hope to get one or two items done on our list.  And this cycle goes on day after day after day…..it never seems to change…..unless you force it to.  Our routine only gets interrupted with something COOL or AMAZING when we force it to.

For example, family vacations.  Or an exciting weekend getaway with your honey.  Or accomplishing a goal by running a marathon, or climbing a mountain, or some major event goal you have.  Those only take place when we DECIDE we will do them, then we SCHEDULE them, then we MAKE THEM HAPPEN.

Sadly, we don’t make them happen nearly enough.  Mostly because the thought of them often feels like just one more stress to add to our plates.  The preparation they take.  The coordination they require.  The planning in advance. All of those can seem like daunting tasks when you are already busy.

But here is what has hit me a lot lately – the question of “What do I want to do before I die?”  And I would ask you to consider the same – “What do you want to do before you die?”  Really think about it.  What do we want to do before we die?  When it comes our time to do what will be things we stop and think “I wish I had accomplished that” or “I wish I had visited there” or “I wish I had fixed that” or “I wish I had done that”.  Think about it.  Then sit down and start to write a list of those things that come to mind.

Perhaps it is a place you wanted to visit.  Or a person you wish you had made time for. Or an adventure you wish you had taken. Or a family member you wished you had been better friends with. Or a goal you wish you had accomplished.  Whatever it is, write it down.  Then get out your digital calendar and just start scheduling dates in the future for when you are going to make it happen.  Just pick a date, any date.  Maybe schedule one each quarter of the year or maybe do the big trips one per year…it doesn’t matter how many and how far apart, it only matters that you DECIDE and the SCHEDULE them because once you do both of those you will get yourself to MAKE IT HAPPEN!

None of us want to regret the things we didn’t do while we still had time….MAKE THEM HAPPEN!  Don’t wait for tomorrow to decide…decide now….life is unpredictable so take advantage of every precious moment you have while you still have it.

It all starts with DECIDING " 

This year I plan to go to Mexico, El Salvador and Utah and who knows where else. The idea is to set a goal and go for it. When I read her post I decided to spend my mom's 75 birthday with her and it is going to be a reality because I planned it so I can't wait to see my mom next week!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Today I just wanted to touch on what makes a woman beautiful after watching miss Universe last night. I thought about this a lot because I used to not think of me as someone who was beautiful since I have always struggled with weight issues and the harsh truth is the fact that the exterior is what people see. I was at one low point in my life when I felt worthless but that all changed when I met Daniel. He only cares about who I am inside and he does not worry if I look old or even fat, to him I am the most beautiful woman who has ever walked this earth.  He also doesn't mind getting old either or bald, as a matter of fact, he likes being bald. Weird but he is ok with who he is.

 He likes me the way I am because to him I am an angel. I admire what mother Teresa did in this life. I don't think people placed value on her because of her looks but because of her big heart and that is how I want to be remembered. This is one of my favorite quotes from her. I particularly like to think about whatever you do is not  between you and them it's between you and God.

 DO IT ANYWAY – by Mother Teresa

People are often unreasonable,

illogical and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,

people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,

you will win some false friends and true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,

people may cheat you;

Be honest anyway.

What you spend years building,

someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,

 

they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,

people will often forget tomorrow

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,

and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,

it is between you and God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

Our power to be a force for good

Today Daniel gave a talk based on our many blessings. Many people have come afterwards to thank him. There was not a dry eye in the room and the spirit was so strong. I even think  his father must have been present because he spoke of his great example and influence he was for good.  He spoke of being grateful of our many blessings and touched on what his father taught him. The amazing thing is that he doesn't read his talks nor writes them. He only writes a few things to talk about and gets guided by the spirit. One  thing is that he mentioned me as a wife who is always helping him out and what a good influence I am for him. Me really?  I was so touched by his appreciation for me. I follow an amazing blogger who thinks like me, that is why I follow her I guess and because she writes from the heart things I have thought about too. She doesn't mind people sharing her message because she is obviously writing for people to quote her so this is what Amy Anderson wrote:


"What impact do you want to have? How do you want to influence your world? In each of our lives, at some point we will find ourselves in a position of influence. It may be influence that comes as a result of a talent in filmmaking, or acting, or music, or writing, or speaking, or politics, or leadership, or something else, but it is a certainty that we will each have a point in our lives where using our talents puts us in a position to influence others. For some it will be a platform that allows them to influence millions and millions, and for others it will be a platform that may influence just one. Yes, each of us will have an opportunity to influence an untold number of people during our lives. So the question has to be asked is, “What will we do with our moment in the sun? How will we choose to use our influence? And what impact do we hope to have?”

I have spent several days now attending the Sundance Film Festival. As such I have seen several films and been able to see several filmmakers and several famous actors and actresses. Some of the films I have seen thus far have been incredibly touching stories that educated and inspired me. Other films have done the exact opposite of that and I have chosen to walk out of them early. I suppose that is what got me to thinking about this subject. Here are people who have been given an incredible platform in the film festival to have their movies seen by a tremendous number of people. Some of the filmmakers and actors are using that platform to share incredible stories that educate and inspire. Others are not. For the ones that aren’t I can’t help think about what a shame it is that their influence wasn’t used for something amazing.

It’s such a powerful opportunity to have the ability to influence others. None of us should ever waste that chance to do something amazing with our opportunity. We should think of the legacy we want our moment in the sun to leave behind.

When I look back on my life I sincerely hope that I can feel at peace that I used any platform I was blessed to be given to do good things that help impact this world for the better. I hope I always use it to lift and inspire and serve and help. I hope I never waste one ounce of opportunity to use my influence to do good.

I am incredibly grateful for those people in this world that have achieved a moment of fame and used that fame to impact others for good. I thank them for inspiring my life and making it better because they were in it.

“Get around people who have something of value to share with you. Their impact will continue to have a significant effect on your life long after they have departed.” –Jim Rohn

Have a tremendous day everyone!"
~Amy

I second every word that Amy says. I admire people like her who has gotten to taste success and fame to bless the lives of others by being such good influence to all she comes in contact including me. I also hope your day is fabulous!

Father's tears

Today I was looking in the old computers files and found a letter Mandy wrote over five years ago that brought so many sad memories. I wish I could take all that back. This is what she wrote:

Mandy Van Leeuwen

I’m locked in my bedroom—well not my room exactly—my grandmother’s room that I’m borrowing.  Yes, I said borrowing.  My mom has always been rather impulsive, but I never knew she’d take it to the next level! I look around the room and my nose wrinkles in disgust at the musty old people smell.  I stare at my reflection in the dust covered mirror of the old vanity that has no fingerprints in the dust.   On the cabinet are black and white photos and an arrangement of delicate porcelain faced dolls.  I scan around the room and see pink frilly curtains and sentimental trinkets about the room.  This room is saturated with memories that are not my own.  I feel like an alien in this room, because when I stare into the blank faces of these glass faced dolls--rather than reminisce I just feel creeped out.

I hear knocking at my door.  I don’t move. 

                “Mandy?” Croaks my grandma. 

I ignore her.  She finally gives up.   I can hear her heavy breathing as she inches down the stairs. 

                I go into the bathroom and splash water on my face to clear up the red blotches I get when I cry.  There’s nothing I can do about my pink eyes, but I decide to blame it on allergies.  I muster enough courage to venture downstairs.  My dad is in deep conversation with my grandma.  They look up like that of deer in the meadow, and a hush silence falls over them.                 

My dad’s gaze is expressionless, and so I edge my way over, and stand next to them. My grandma, I notice, is crying-- I don’t remember ever seeing her cry before.   She looked much more fragile when she was crying.  I wonder if I looked that fragile too.

We stood in her kitchen in silence for a few moments.  Letting the ticking of the clock roar in my ears.  The kitchen was spotless and still smelled of cleaning supplies.  After awkward moments of silence my grandma begins apologizing for getting worked up about the purses and that the purses didn’t really matter.

Finally I lose it again, the damn breaks, and there’s no stopping me now.  A flood of tears are let loose.

Between the hiccups of my sobs I gasp, “I just want to go home!”

“I just want my bed, my room, somewhere I feel comfortable!”  As I’m speaking between sobs I look up to see my father holding back laughter… his face contorts, trying to hold back his laughter and I feel my face get hot with anger.  I become furious!

But then I take a second glance and notice that his face wasn’t twisting with laughter, but with agony.  He was crying! Never in my entire life had I seen my father cry.  Not when he cut his finger half off in the shop, or when he fell off a cliff and his shirt was stained with blood. 

But yet there he was, crying.  Not for any pain of himself but for his daughter.  At the sight of his daughters pain is the only time in my entire life that I’ve ever seen my father cry.

…. This all started in April of last year.  I walked to my house and came in to an empty home. My only home for over 16 years was vacant, and all that was left were nails on the walls and boxes stacked on boxes.   My Mother danced over to me with a big grin and sang the good news.

“Were moving!”

My mom had sold our house without telling me about it and without buying another house to move into.  So I can legitimately say I’ve been homeless for a period of three months.  My mom moved in with Tia Norma who lived two hours away, and I stayed behind because I needed to finish school. 

I stayed at my grandma’s because she no longer used her bedroom, and I could easily sleep there.  However her room was cluttered with a lot of sentimental stuff.  I guess with 80 years of life people tend to accumulate a lot of junk.

So I moved some of her things to make room for my clothes and when my grandma noticed I moved some purses of hers, she got upset.

Although I felt a lot of guilt for moving my grandma’s things, that wasn’t the reason why was crying. I began to cry because I was extremely homesick.  I was an old pine tree with roots buried deep in the soil, and then one day without warning I was uprooted. 

                So now here I am, weeping in my father’s arms.  I can feel his strong shoulders shaking with his sobs.   Being with my dad gave me a feeling of comfort, and I began to feel at home in his embrace.  I felt like I did as a child, and floods of memories drowned my anxiety. 

He always had a way of giving me strength.  Just like when he taught me to ride a bicycle for the first time.  I would fall; skinning my knees and elbows and he would come running to my side, gently pulling me up on my feet. I wanted to give up but he would dry my tears and encourage me to try again.  I remembered when I was little; staying up late watching T.V. with him, and then I would pretend I was asleep just so he would carry me to bed.  Or all the countless times he took me to football or basketball games, especially one particular Jazz game we went to where we cheered so loud that the people in front of us put in earplugs! 

Yet out of all the times spent together, nothing measures up to how close I feel with my dad right now, despite my sniffles beginning to sound more and more like a hog snorting.

  But I knew that this memory would stand out in my mind forever, like pigs in the sky, because for this one night both my dad  and I were as fragile as my grandma’s creepy porcelain dolls.

I remember this day but every story has two sides and this is my side. I wanted to move, I couldn't stand been in the same house that had all those memories of a family that no longer existed. I was looking to buy a duplex in the Millcreek area so I could live on one side and rent out the other side. My family came down to just Mandy and me. However, the bank was not going to lend me the money unless I had proof of income from the home I was living in. The only way I could qualify was to either rent my house or sell it. The house was for sale or rent but there was no sign. I told the Realtor I didn't want a sign because I didn't want the neighbors to know I was even moving until it was confirmed. I put the house on the market. around the middle of April and hope I would still be there for the next couple of months. No one came to see it because the housing market was very depressed. What I did get was an offer from someone who offered rent the house ASAP she needed to move right away. I got the call on April 25 and had five days to move out. She wanted a long lease. She needed to rent  for five years and five years seemed a long time  and that is when I made the decision to move out at the end of the month so she could move in by May first.  School would be over in only six weeks and I thought I could take Mandy with me to South Jordan in my Aunts basement I was going to bring Mandy to school every morning and take her with me in the afternoon but when I told this to Mandy, she refused to come with me. She decided to move with her dad. This broke my heart.  All I remember is that every day, I would drive  to school from South Jordan anyway to bring her lunch or take her out to lunch.


When I told my mom of what had happened she being the most positive woman you could ever know said: "that is wonderful, she will get to spend time with Shirley and have more quality time with her dad." Mandy's dad at the time lived with grandma Shirley but I never knew this was going to be so hard on  Mandy. I imagined and honestly thought she is going to be with family. She is going to be with her dad and her grandma. I never thought this would be a problem because when I was young I remember spending weeks and even months with my grandma Hilda or my great-grandma Antonia and I felt as secured and loved as my own home. This supposed to only be for five weeks. As soon as school was over we went for two weeks to El Salvador.  When we got back I couldn't convince Mandy to want to come with me to South Jordan even when school was over so I rented a condo in Cottonwood Heights so that her friends had a place to visit her that would be closer but it was still too far from her friends. We are talking a 10 minute drive.  She missed her friends in Holladay more than me and that is when I learned something the hard way, friends are more important than a mother when you are a teenager. By the end of July I had gotten engaged and had bought a beautiful home in Bountiful. This time she did come with me and for the next half of the year I drove her down to Skyline High.  Finally Mandy had her own room and we had our own home forever we thought but little did we knew that we would move again within the next four months.

 

 

It's Friday, time to relax!!

I love the start of a weekend because it is when I can be home with Daniel but not today, he is on a trip to Turks and Caicos and won't be home till tomorrow afternoon :( I love Fridays when he is around but when he is not around I do spend my time scrapbooking or organizing my home or reading or anything that keeps me busy. This is the time I follow a few bloggers and sometimes I even find good articles on line posted by random people on facebook. The other day I read this one:

Ladies, honor your husbands. This is the most important earthly relationship that you will have.

Speak lovingly to them.

Cherish them.

Cleave to them and to none else.

Build them up, encourage them.

Spend meaningful time with them.

Do not violate his trust.

Don't let another man fill his shoes - physically, mentally, or emotionally. Life is never stagnant. Rather it's ever flowing, ever moving, and always changing. That's the way I like it.

That is the way men like it too!! It seems like we need to be reinventing ourselves to look attractive to them or at least let them know you are thinking about them. I wrote him a note before he took off and stuck it in  his little suitcase for him to open when he got in.  I always tell Daniel that Freud's theory was inspired. Men need intimacy above anything else if you know what I mean! LOL 

Be proud of who you are

I was looking at some facebook posts and found some friends who are putting together a non profit group of women to help other women. It brought me so many memories of a time that I was doing the same thing helping single moms, volunteering countless hours as the Honorary Consul helping my Salvadoran community and working as a parent advocate for the Family Support Center helping low income women but now I realize all those hours spent outside my home were done at the wrong time in my life.  What I mean is that I had children at home in those days and I should have been putting  more attention to them and me than my community service. I don't know if I was doing that so people would like me or because I was trying to prove something.


You cannot control who will like you, who will stand by you, who would speak kindly of you, who will judge you, who will love you, who will treat you unfairly, who will support you, who will spread lies about  you, or who will be your biggest fan. At the time there was a group of Salvadoran ladies who were spreading nasty rumors about me. Those ladies, Fatima and Mercedes, who for no rhyme or reason hated me with passion and that somehow affected me to the point that I was trying so hard to prove that I wasn't like that! We literally cannot control how any other person is going to feel, think, or treat us. When we come to recognize that as an actual fact, we can turn our focus to the only thing in this life that we actually can control, and that is how we feel about ourselves. " Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you."


I learned that lesson many years ago after going through a series of very difficult events in my life which ended in a difficult divorce leading towards strained relationships with people who at one time were your friends. I had spent years trying to please other people, wanting them to recognize the good in me. I  had spend years trying to prove to them that I was worth it. For a period of time while my divorce was pending I wanted my former husband to think of me as smart, organized, pretty, sexy, nice, successful, a good wife, etc.  but I was never enough of anything of those things people expected of me. Yet as hard as I tried,  there was always someone who would tell me that I wasn't enough, and my view of myself would fall completely apart. I would feel horrible about myself. I would feel sad and discouraged and I would allow myself to believe that someone else's view of me was, in fact, true, rather than looking in the mirror and knowing for myself who that girl was that was staring back at me. As I look at those ladies who attended that event last night, I thought I probably would have been there. How ironic, today I am 3000 miles away and can't go to any of those things anymore when today is when I don't have to prove anything to anyone and today is when I finally got the time.

 

Happy Birthday

Daniel turned 60 today! We had dinner at the Antivilos with the Rappleyes and the Flakes. It was nice! It was a HAPPY time for us celebrating a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY I saw a post the other day that caught my attention because I second every word of it. The post said:

 A research study at Harvard Medical found that, in fact, happiness is contagious. It suggests that happiness is influenced not only by the people you know, but by the people they know. The study showed that happiness spreads through social networks, sort of like a virus, meaning that your happiness could influence the happiness of someone you`ve never even met. They found that there were statistical relationships not just between your happiness and your friend’s happiness, but between your happiness and your friends, friends, friends happiness! They concluded that the happiness of an immediate social contact increased an individual’s chances of becoming happy by 15%, the happiness of a second-degree contact, such as the spouse of a friend, increases the likeliness of becoming happy by 10%, and the happiness of a third-degree contact — or the friend of a friend of a friend — increases the likelihood of becoming happy by 6%. So what does that tell us – choose friends who are HAPPY!!!

Happiness is…

• Listening to happy music while I do housework
• Fitting into old clothes like a new pair of Jeans
• Singing in your car at the top of your lungs to your favorite song on the radio
• A smile from a stranger
• A clean house
• A compliment from anyone
• Someone who says thank you
• Making your parents proud
• When your children love you
• Having peace of mind
• Learning to do something new for the first time
• Knowing that God loves you
• Curling up with a good book that you can’t put down
• Listening to my grandchildren’s laughter
• Dancing in your kitchen when I am home alone
• Holding a newborn baby that smells like baby magic lotion
• Looking forward to a trip or a holiday
• Having amazing children that make you really proud to be their mom
• Being married to the nicest husband ever!
• Watching your favorite TV show with my hubby
• Listening to the rain from the warmth of your home
• Learning to zip on some mate yerba
• Going to a movie you have been waiting to see
• Waking up late on a Saturday morning or even early afternoon
• Spending time with my mom

Most of all I think happiness is a feeling that comes when we recognize and appreciate the blessings in our life. And happiness is being surrounded by amazing friends who are grateful and happy themselves and who statistically increase your own level of happiness! She is right on! I am going to be thinking of things that make me happy and do them.

 

Peer pressure

Yesterday we went to see our sister who we visit teach and learned so much of how the peer pressure to smoke is so strong. She explained to us how she wanted to learn how to smoke because she thought that would be a good skill to learn in case she ever needed to feel sophisticated. She regrettably said that for years she was hooked but that now after she was baptized fifteen years ago, she was able to quit for life. She was temped once only she said, but the box she picked up was empty so she threw it away and each time she finds a box of cigarettes, she throws them away. She was telling me that one of her daughter's has picked up the bad habit and she is sad for her. I saw a post about this very thing on peer pressure on a blog I am following that I want to share:

We live in a world full of peer pressure to look like this or act like that. There is a constant bombardment of pressure to join the crowd or do what everyone else is doing. It takes genuine courage to stay true to yourself – to stand strong and hold to your values. Psychologists call this trait self-determination, which means acting in accordance with one’s core self and they rank this trait as one of the three basic psychological needs. I call it living with integrity.

Interestingly enough, I have found in my own life that my confidence level is directly tied to my living with integrity. When I stay true to my values that I believe in and when I act in accordance with those values, my self-confidence and self-esteem rises. When I falter from those values or do things in opposition to my core beliefs I find myself feeling a lack of self-worth and my confidence plummets. I start feeling pulled to and from and my feelings of uncertainty create fear and anxiety. Yet, if I stick to my integrity I have found that no matter what circumstances I find myself in, whether a situation succeeds or fails, my confidence and self-worth stay high. I believe that comes from knowing that despite any circumstances I am living my life true to myself and that creates peace that no other person or circumstance can take away.

I love this poem someone gave me long ago. I wish I knew who wrote it because it is brilliant.

I

 I have to live with myself and so

I want to be fit for myself to know

I want to go out with my head erect

I want to demand all men’s respect

I never can hide myself from me

I see what others may never see

 I can never full myself and so

Whatever happens I want to be

ve to live with myself, and so

Here is to having the courage to live your life true to yourself and true to your values. Nothing will give you more confidence then living your life with integrity!