A mother took her last breath

A week ago my friend Chachis wrote me a message on facebook to let me know her mother was dying. She was also getting ready for her daughter's wedding at the same time. Jessi got married on the 6 of January and her mother died four days later on the 10th of January. I can only imagine how sad my friend and her family must feel at this time. Death is never easy to take because it gives you that final chance to do things together you didn't do and to say those things you never said. This year started with a bittersweet note for the Noakes and how I wish I could be there with them.

We grow up looking at our parents as the strongest people in our world. They handle everything, they take care of everything, and they can do everything.  Then you grow up and as you grow older, unfortunately so do they. Then one day you wake up and realize that your parents can no longer handle and take care of everything, and they are no longer to do everything. When that day comes it is a hard realization and it feels incredibly unsettling. You start to realize that it is you that is to have to be ready to handle things for them and take care of them. You realize that you are now going to have to be the strong one and that thought is incredibly intimidating. In your head you still think of yourself as the child and they are your parents, and deep down you want them to be strong because their being strong makes you feel safe and secure. But they can’t be strong anymore, and now they need you to be the strong one. They need you to be the one to make them feel safe and secure as they finish out the rest of their lives.

I remember when my father became more and more dependent on my mother and others. He moved to my sister's home. Her guest house was perfect for him and my mom. He was found often just sitting watching TV for hours and hours. One day on father's day in June of 2005 I surprised him. I came to El Salvador to see him and as I walked into the room, I will never forget his face! He was so happy to see me!! That was the last father's day he had since eight months later he passed away. I also would never forget that February morning when I got the call early in the morning and I knew he was gone. It was an emotional moment for me. My  sisters mother and I knew in that moment that our lives from now on will never be the same. Now is our mother, we can no longer look at her as "the strong one" We know in our  hearts that as days, months and years go by it is us that need to be "the strong ones" for our mother. After Chachis called me last week to tell me of her mother dying, I couldn't help to think of my own mother. It made me sad because I miss her so much and I miss her as I remember her when she used to take care of everything.

This experience today as I spoke with my dear friend made me realize that the best way I could show my mom how much I love and appreciate everything she has done and sacrificed for us over so many years is to give her the comfort of knowing that we will be strong for her and she doesn't have to worry about anything. I need to talk to Daniel tomorrow when we have family home evening as of what we intend to do for our mothers. His mother is 84, and is dealing with a lot of health issues. That is why we went to Uruguay for Christmas. It is our turn to care for our mothers and it is our honor and privilege to do so. His brother and wife do an excellent job caring for her and we are so grateful for that! We need to all be prepared. I called my mom today and was so happy and felt so grateful I could hear her voice. I thought, oh mommy, how nice is to hear you talk and how will I miss you when I can't hear your voice. A year ago, I could call Shirley to talk to her on the phone, but today she is gone. As much as we hate to think about this topic of death it is inevitable and one that needs to be discussed.