Be excited for your future!

 "Just because the past didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, doesn't mean your future can't be better than you've ever imagines. "  Unknown.

I want to start my post today with another blogger's Jara Golden, words. She wrote the following;

"I was asked an interesting series of questions a couple of months ago. More surprising to me than the topic of conversation, was the language used to describe the events in my life this woman wanted to gain clarity around.


Her initial message asked how I was able to be “so graceful in dealing with what happened?”


I asked if she meant my divorce.


She confirmed that she was asking about my divorce, and went on to say she was intrigued by how I’ve “handled it so well despite the circumstances”, and that she was interested in hearing how I got through such “heartbreak”.


I don’t think the conversation went quite as she had planned. Actually, I know it didn’t because she told me.


I shared this with her...


I didn’t “deal with what happened”, I CHOSE what happened, and DECIDED how I would RESPOND to a situation I had created, or at the very least allowed, rather than REACT to something that had “happened to me”. I never felt like I had to “deal” with anything.


As for how I was able “handle things well despite the circumstances”... what can I say? In one way or another I chose each and every one of the circumstances I was living with. If I was going to try and blame “them” for what was “happening to me” I may as well have been pointing the finger right back at myself. 


As I see it, an opportunity was created where two people could have opted to go along with society’s belief that the end of a marriage meant the end of a relationship, friendship, and partnership, or we could create our own set of beliefs in which we could allow ourselves and each other to be our most authentic selves and embrace that.


It didn’t happen over night, but I was able to see him as perfectly him, and he was able to see me as perfectly me. We stopped wishing for one another to be any different than we actually were in the present moment. We were able to take personal responsibility for the part we each played in the mess we had created, discuss the future, sometimes with tears in our eyes, with a certainty that the honesty, vulnerability, and authenticity we were now communicating with would be the foundation for the co-parenting relationship we wanted, the friendship we were restablishing, and the path that would lead us to the future we both wanted. Individually and together.


As for the “heartbreak”, it just wasn’t something I identified with.


I think I was heartbroken up until the point when we actually decided we were geting a divorce. Before the decision was made, I sat wishing and hoping that things would change, or that they would somehow be different, but I did nothing to make that happen. Once I took a stand for what I wanted and believed in, I realized this:


• Nothing around you will change until you do

• No one is coming to save you

• You’ve got to get up, go out, and do things for yourself


Gandhi said "be the change we wish to see in the world", not "hope", not "wish", BE.


At that time, my concern was to create peace, happiness, and stability for my children and I. Heartbreak was not a feeling or emotion that had any place in my day to day life. I wanted to feel happy, empowered, and like I could take on the world. 


Telling myself that I was anything other than those things, would once again have cast me as the victim of my story, stripping any hope of me being abe to create the changes I so desperately wanted to see in my life.


I had already spent years as the victim. Heartbroken, and wanting more from my relationship. It had finally become clear that neither of us was feeling fulfilled in the relationship we had created. So, we decided to divorce, and quite literally, love each other through it.


I met my ex-husband all over again while we were divorcing. 


I watched him struggle to find himself as a “single man”. I watched him find his own place to live, fall in love, and become the father I always knew he had wanted to be. Even now I see him creating a life he’s happy to live and creating the space for me to do the same.


Why would I want anything other than to see this man, the father of my children, and someone whom I love dearly, be anything but happy? What could I possibly gain from that? How would that enrich mine or my children's lives at all? What type of energy would I attract to myself if I wanted or wished anything but the absolute best for him?


My divorce didn’t break my heart, it didn’t break his either; it created an opportunity for us both to heal in ways that may not have been possible had we stayed together.


Nothing has any meaning except the meaning we assign it. 


I could have dealt with circumstances and heartbreak, but instead I chose to find a better way, a way that served my family and I... I chose to make deliberate choices so I could immediatly create the life I knew I was capable of creating... a life full of love, joy, abundance, honesty, and authenticity. 


I live it every day. Not by chance, by choice.


The woman I'm speaking of, may never see this message, but in the off chance you’ve ever wondered the same things she did, this is how I loved my way through my divorce."

Today as I was sitting at Stake Conference ( I can't believe how many people attend those in the DR Wow! )We managed to find parking and a some seats but the place got more and more crowded so Daniel gave up his seat for a little girl who was sitting on her mother's lap, because he is that considerate and thoughtful and plain wonderful. He is a gentleman, someone who cares about other people and not just him.

I couldn't help to think how fortunate I am to have found someone like him and hope someday his ex- and my ex- will realized how good we all have it. I like to think like this woman on her blog that our divorce didn't break us, it created an opportunity to become better people than if we had stayed together.

At least with Daniel, I will never hear someone tell me: "I love you, but I am not in love with you." Like when you love your dog but you are not in love with him. Hearing those words made me feel unworthy, sad and disappointed. That was a very low point in my life. 

Everyone has a story of disappointment they have had to face. Times when the thing they were praying for didn't happen. Times when they tried their best but didn't succeed. Times when things didn't go their way. It has happened to all people. But just because there have been disappointments in your past doesn't mean that the future isn't going to be amazing in fact, it's often just the opposite. 

Many times the disappointments we have face in the past have been leading us toward something a hundred times better in our future. Sometimes we simply needed to learn some lessons first so we will be ready to handle all the incredible things that are in store for us in the future. 

Going through hard times makes us more patient, and sensitive, and humble. Hard times help us discover the qualities we want to develop in ourselves, and without those qualities becoming a part of our character the future successes could turn us into a person we wouldn't really like being. So when the disappointments happen embrace them and recognize they are a gift that is helping prepare you for something better than you have ever imagined.

 Fast forward, today, I feel so loved and feel so much at peace. We can always find a positive way to view the things we are going through in life. After a beautiful and uplifting service we got home to start cooking everything from the milanesas to the salads and soup. It turned out a wonderful dinner and this is something I am now better at. Cooking was not my forte with my first marriage, neither keeping the house clean or keeping myself beautiful. Those three things I have to admit were lacking in my previous marriage but now I have learned to develop those qualities with my new life and loving every minute of it!

Love,
Vero