Lose weight or else!

Long, long time ago I was that beautiful thin girl whom boys would call to asked out and wanted to know me better, not because I was nice and a sweet spirit but because I was sexy. I even managed to find a very handsome guy to go out with me and eventually wanted to marry me. I was attractive and mostly thin but that all changed when I had my first baby, then my second and then my third.  The fact that my little body experienced such an increased weight gain in only nine months one pregnancy at a time, changed my body shape forever.


 I know there are women out there who might say, I should have not let myself go but I honestly thought I was fine the way I was until later I found out the cruel truth when it was too late to do anything about it. Husbands don't like fat wives. Plain and simple. I even remember reading an article in the Ladies Home Journal about a woman who had gotten a divorce on grounds that she had gotten too fat. I also found this other article mentioning that same exact article where the author stated: "An article written in the Ladies Home Journal, the author, "Jane," detailed how she put on 40 pounds after childbirth and was never quite able to shed them. Her husband, "Robert," withdrew emotionally and physically and after two years of counseling and a few separations, they divorced.

Of course, after the divorce, Jane lost most of those 40 pounds -- and promptly found a new husband.

That's a rather typical story. A lot of women gain weight when they get married; in fact, they're more at risk for obesity just by shacking up. Men do, too, but they don't gain as much as women do. And researchers have found that after divorce, most go back to their pre-marriage weight. The Divorce Diet isn't pretty, but it works!

So why don't people just lose the darn weight while they're married? I don't know, but some would-be spouses aren't going to leave it up to chance: they've put weight restrictions in their prenups.

Which begs the question -- if your spouse got fat, would you split?

Is weight a valid reason to get divorced?

It's enough to keep British writer Samantha Beck fit. Her French husband, Pascal "knows what I weigh, will comment on the weight I put on (in front of friends and family, too) and will discuss my figure appreciatively (or not). ... Pascal absolutely believes that my becoming a 'fat wife' would be grounds for divorce."

Well, we always knew the French were different.

As a sometime reader of advice columnists, I have often come upon letters -- usually from the husband -- complaining about his wife's weight. He's not attracted to her sexually anymore and he mentions (hopefully delicately) something about her weight to her, which makes her angry and defensive, and so he pulls away emotionally and physically, which makes her feel worse about herself so she eats more and then gains more weight, which turns him off even more ... it's a downward spiral that most likely ends up in divorce anyway.

Most couples fight about money, sex, chores and children, but weight often factors into those issues. And just like a couple needs to be in tune with how they'll raise their children and spend or save their money, they probably need to be like-minded when it comes to diet, health and fitness.

Of course, weight falls under the "for better, for worse, in sickness and in health" statement. But we'd surely say something if our spouse became anorexic or bulimic. Becoming fat is just as dangerous and unhealthy, so why is it such a hot-button issue?

I do have to wonder about how that fat-clause prenup would work, though: Do you wait until she's breaking the scale and slap her with divorce papers? Or do you say something as she starts adding on the pounds, which has its own problems because many women -- obviously not French women -- get really upset when their sweetie calls them on their weight. "I'm still the same person inside. Why is he so shallow? Why can't he love me as I am?"

And, yes -- there are many men out there who get fat, too.

Still, if I were Jane's first hubby, I'd feel a bit pimped; obviously she could lose that weight.
The odd thing is, while their marital problems seemed to start when "Robert" became distant, ultimately they were divorcing about her weight.
Maybe that prenup clause isn't such a bad idea after all.

Divorce rates are on the rise these days. There are many reasons why couples decide to part ways. Incompatibility, cheating spouses, financial differences, and infertility are some of those reasons why husband and wife part ways. But many couples nowadays cite seemingly ridiculous grounds for a divorce. One such reason (which we will discuss at length here) is the problem of having an overweight spouse!

This may seem absurd to those who are into a blissful marriage. But the fact is that an increasing number of people today have moved away from their spouses because their spouses are grossly out of shape. But then, is it morally justifiable?

It may not be morally justifiable, but a marriage is not just a blend of hearts and minds. Physical beauty of their partner is a really important consideration for most people, even though they might not admit it. Human inclination towards physical beauty is the basis of most sexual relationships.

For a marriage to click, it is important that the husband and wife have a happy sexual life. A satisfying physical relationship can bring a couple really close for life. But because physical fitness is of utmost importance for sexual performance, being overweight can be a great problem. If your spouse is going out of shape, you may feel that this is definitely not the person you married!

It is not hatred. It is definitely not loathing. But you cannot prevent yourself from feeling repulsed at the sight of your obese spouse. Repulsion inspires detachment, detachment causes differences and differences drive the final nail in the coffin of your marriage – divorce!

It is natural if you do not crave for physical proximity with your spouse when the mere sight of your spouse reminds you of King Kong! It is also natural for you to feel guilty about your own repulsions. But what is important is how you save your marriage. You cannot behave as an escapist in the first place. If you love your better half, this is the time to express it. Make your spouse feel loved, wanted and important, instead of filing for a divorce.

But at the same time, don’t let your feeling pile up inside you. Express your feelings without hurting your spouse by choosing your words and actions carefully. You can talk about the various health hazards associated with obesity and urge your partner to lose weight. Talking about how obesity is coming in the way of romance, may be counterproductive.

Evince urgency in your quest to convince your spouse. Once your spouse has acknowledged the desperate need to shed weight, have them join the gym, maintain a low-calorie diet, do fitness yoga etc. Visit the gym with your spouse whenever possible. Buy workout DVDs and magazines for your spouse. If your partner has sacrificed gorging on certain foods, you should also give such foods a miss, as a show of support.

Do all that you can, to display your interest and care. There should be a sense of involvement on either side since marriage is a symbiotic relationship. Be patient, loving and inspiring. This will surely get your spouse back to normal shape, and you back to your spouse. And remember, divorce should not even cross your mind once!"


And yes, the women in this article is correct. Getting fat should not be grounds for divorce but it happened to me and I am sure I have not been the only one this has happened to, so now I am terrified at the fact I am gaining so much weight again and don't feel beautiful anymore, however, I am married to a man that loves me and supports me the way I am. Nevertheless I have to start an exercise and diet program today, September 1 2014 to continue for nine months and hopefully by the end of May 2015 I can fit into my size 6 clothes once again as I did before I was first married. That is my goal so that in June 2015 I can attend my nieces graduation in El Salvador. But this time, I am not doing this to please anyone but me!