I know it's hard...

I saw this on Facebook the other day and have to post it. "Sometimes I just want someone to hug me an say: I know it's hard. You're going to be okay. Here is some chocolates and six million dollars."

We had a devotional today by the  newest Seventy in our area. Elder and sister Haynie. They spoke about their family and about his patristical blessing. He shared a few statements found in there that impacted his life to start his devotional. He showed pictures of the school he attended to be a lawyer and is the very place he met his wife.

They went back and forth speaking about their life story. How they met, and showed family photos. The point of the devotional was to make us be aware of poignant decisions we make that completely change the course of our lives. Elder Haynie also explained among other things how the work of the Lord is hastening in the Philippines. There are almost a million members, 21 missions, two temples and soon to build more.

He started by showing a favorite scripture found on Proverbs 3:5 He said "God is not just our creator, for the rest of the world that is good enough. He is more than that. He is our Father. Adam and Eve could talk to Him and we did too until they were cast out of their presence. All they could do was to repent and pray in the name of His son. The object of prayer is not to ask for things we can't have. It is to ask for those blessings that are already ours. We pray in His name and ask for things for things that are God's will. Prayer is to a ask for the things that He wants to bless me and those I love rather than what we want. I want to be thankful like that one leproso who came back to thank Him. I don't want to be like other nine who didn't. Each day, choose that one thing you are thankful for that day. Trust in His plan. If a daughter wants to be a mother rather than a doctor congratulate her for aspiring to that great calling. Trust in His plan and know how you can better serve Him. There are moments in our life that are critical that will send us in the right direction. We have the potential to return to the Father who sent us here."

Toward the end he showed current pictures of his family and ended with the before and after pictures of them. This was a very good devotional because they each told a beautiful love story and this is why it was a bit hard for me. Before they began speaking sister Bowen wanted to start a conversation with me and asked me that dreaded question? How many assignments have you and your husband served together? and that is when I have to explain. He has been in more assignments than me. Together we have only served in the Caribbean area. This is our second marriage. So here comes the next most obvious question? Were you widowed? No, we were divorced! And at that point  I could tell she felt sorry she asked because it is an awkward moment plain and simple!

The choir started to sing and that came as a relief for both of us, but I couldn't contain the tears. As much as I tried containing myself from crying, I couldn't. It has been a long time since I have cried about our past family situation. I realized in those moments that our previous marriages were not the ideal and far from perfect, therefore we don't share the same perfect family as do all the General Authorities.

I wish I could say: We have been married for 36 years. We have no stains because our lives are the way they should be. Impecable like yours. I sometimes wish I was like them. I admire all of those people who have never known what is like NOT to be loved. NOT  to be wanted! They have no clue!

Later that day we went looking for a home closer to the office. We love a neighborhood by the name of Corinthian hills or Corinthian Gardens but there is absolutely nothing there. Is like not one member lives there other than the temple President and Mission President even though they are next to the office and temple grounds. How ironic? It reminds me of the area in El Salvador by the temple.

The Philippines is like any other developing country. A few very wealthy families and the rest very poor. But people are proud of their culture and think there is no other country better than theirs. I am determined to love them and take all that is good here. I want to eat better and look like those petit little Asian ladies who buy their clothes in the children's department when they come to the US. I feel big here and Daniel and I are even consider tall, can you imagine that?

Vero