Journey of a Journal

My husband asked me the other day: “How many journals do you keep?” the answer is not enough! I wish I could capture every thought and learning experience good or bad to be recorded for the new generations. 

I love my life now where I can dedicate time to write stories. I love writing about my daily comings and goings. Our lives may be determined less by past events than by the way we remember them and that is why I keep various journals and blogs. 

I invite you to do the same. Start out by writing something each day like a gratitude journal. Next start writing your insights in a blog that you will re visit at least weekly. This is a good time to write about impression you felt as you read the scripture assignment for the week.  and last but not least, make a photo blog where you will post photos of life events. Make sure you don’t get too behind. 

What I love about our day and age we live in, is that our smart phones are also our cameras and we can take limitless photos. It's not like the old days where you had to have film inside the camera and many times photos were taken without film inside the camera without even realizing it just to find out later that no photos were taken.  

Telling stories about our past can help change our perspectives to enable healing and empowerment. In this way, we are able to make meaning out of a memory and put the past where it belongs - behind us. 

Healing and transformation are only possible through changing one's perspective from within. In this way, global healing takes place one individual, one tribe, at a time. What story are you living? How do you choose to remember your story? 

There is a Native American parable about a grandfather who says, I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one." When asked which wolf will win the fight in his heart, the old man replies, "The one I feed."

How do we learn to "feed" the stories that heal? 

How do we put together the pieces of our past? How can we rewrite our life story so that pain becomes meaningful and actually promotes growth and transformation? The answer is to simply start writing and keep on writing. 
 Now I am off to Singapore to create more wonderful memories.  I will be back in a week. 

Con amor,

Vero

Walk away

For days, I have been debating if I should or not go to some meetings hosted by the Latin ladies's club and yesterday I went only because I have been asked to go but it wasn’t fun or pleasant for me. 

The women who are running it this year are very rude and not at all nice. I have decided to pass up those events because I had enough. It is time to walk away. The ladies I used to be friends with have all left Manila and as I thought about what I needed to do, I remember this story I saw on line about toxic things.

“In the book Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll writes: “If you drink much from a bottle marked ‘poison,’ it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.”

Obviously, none of us set out to intentionally drink poisons.  Yet, it is amazing how innocently they seem to show up in our lives, first in small doses that are easy to overlook, and then slowly they grow and take over our lives, until we find ourselves consuming them at a shockingly fast pace.

Have you paid attention to the ‘poisons’ you have been drinking lately in your life?  Is it a poisonous job, or a poisonous work environment, or a poisonous relationship, or a poisonous friendship? Is it a poisonous atmosphere where you are constantly getting dragged down? Is it a poisonous self-image where you never see yourself as good enough or pretty enough or smart enough?  Or perhaps it’s your own poisonous bad habit, or two, or three, or…well…you get the point. 

The fact is that we all have those poisons in our lives, and if we allow ourselves to continue consuming them they will almost certainly disagree with us sooner or later.  Some will disagree with us in small ways, while others may prove to be lethal. Regardless of the damage they inflict, they are all poisons, and it is up to us to identify them, and to take the steps to weed them out of our lives for good.

It has been said that admitting our problem is half the battle, so I suppose a good start would be to identify the poisons in our own life, writing each one of them down in a list so we are well -aware of what poisons we are to avoid. Then apply a warning label to each poison (something to the effect of “You would have to be a complete moron to even consider drinking this stuff!” would suffice). 

Then list out the possible consequences we might face if we don’t weed these things out of our lives, and list out the positive things that will come if we do weed them out, so we can refer to that list regularly as a daily reminder and motivator to help us stay on the right track.  If the list appears exhaustive and intimidating, then prioritize which poisons are the most important to give up by first, second, third, and so on, so you can work on them one at a time, rather than all at once.  

The most important thing is to make progress on eliminating more poisons each day, continuously moving forward.  There is no way we will ever eliminate every single poison from our life, but that is okay because the end goal is simply to keep moving forward trying our very best each day to be better than we were the day before, and if we can accomplish that then we will have achieved success. 

Remember that every day we weed out more poisons we are making more room for goodness and joy and happiness to fill our lives, and that is a marvelous thing!”

And that is the answer I was looking for. I don’t need to be around toxic people in my life. I need to weed out the bad to make room for what’s good, and I am busy with Pathway on Thursdays anyway so I am walking away from people who put you down. Walking away from fights that will never get resolved. Walking away from trying to please people who will never see your worth. The more you walk away from things that poison your soul, the healthier you will be. 

Con amor,

Vero

Wisdom from the experts

"Motherhood is vulnerable and confusing at times" Cristi Dame explains. And who is she, you may ask? So let's pause for a minute. She is that one girl who knew what she wanted to be at age 17. She is the one young mother who gave up her private family practice to stay home with her kiddos. She is one who reads up on the latest parenting discovery found on this planet. She is passionate about teaching what she knows. She has dedicated a million hours of research over the past twenty years, so if you are lucky enough to cross her path, find out what she has to offer on her newly design on line course and it will be as if you walked into her office one on one and trust me on this one, you will be so blessed beyond belief!  

She continues... "with so many different philosophies and ideas pulling at us to find just “the right” way to change “negative behavior” in our children.

 What if I told you to set aside some of those ideas for a moment and come learn how YOU and 30-MINUTES a week can change your child and some of those behaviors that are driving a wedge between you two in my Parenting + Play e-course!

It’s based on the fact that all humans crave connection and belonging especially during our most imperfect moments and I will teach you how to create intentional special playdates with your child that will not only ENCOURAGE and EMPOWER them but will invite feelings of CONNECTION and BELONGING to take place. And you just might start seeing those frustrating behaviors begin to disappear.

And the best news is this Parenting+Play course is 50% off for the rest of the month using the code INSTA50! (Link to course in profile)

And as an extra bonus for signing up this month you automatically have access to my private Instagram where you will have my personal feedback, motivators, and further explanation of the topics covered for FREE starting February 25th for 8 weeks!

Topics I cover are:

❤️Connection and Belonging❤️Play ❤️How to set up the playdates❤️Emotions❤️Being Present❤️Empowerment❤️Encouragement❤️Limit Setting and Choices

This course is geared for children ages 2-10 give or take but the foundation and principles can be applied to any age.

I would be honored if you joined me! 💖" 


And I completely endorse and support her message.

Con amor,
Vero

What it means to be resilient

I was thinking about how important is to be resilient and thought about this true story. 

 Here is a story I saw a friend posted on her blog that tells of a woman who has managed to be grateful no matter her circumstances. 

" Liz Murray grew up with parents who were both cocaine addicts. Her family ran out of food a few days into each month because her parents spent their welfare checks on feeding their drug addiction instead of feeding her and her sister. So as young girls she and her sister would go from door to door begging for food. She recalls being so hungry she’d eat cherry flavored chapstick and toothpaste. By age 15 Liz found herself homeless. Both her parents died of AIDS...

 It was hard to fathom that she had lived through such a brutal childhood and yet here she was, this lovely, composed woman without an ounce of bitterness about her. She had suffered so much neglect as a child, she lost both parents, and she was homeless by the age of 15. She shared how when her mother died there was obviously no money for a funeral so her mother had to be buried in a donated pine box (which had her mother’s misspelled name written on it with a Sharpie) in a public grave. She said leaving that cemetery something inside of her broke…she realized that she had to take control of her life and make a success of herself.

Liz got into High School, putting a friends address on her forms so no one would know she was homeless. She completed school in just two years with the help and encouragement of one particular teacher who she says treated her, for the first time in her life, like a real human being who was capable of accomplishing anything. Little did that teacher know that during those two years Liz was homeless and living in hallways, stairwells, and parks…

Liz excelled in her schooling and decided to apply to Harvard, but given that she was still homeless there was no money to pay her way when Harvard accepted her. Liz heard about a scholarship the New York Times was offering to needy students who had overcome obstacles in their lives and Liz knew she had done plenty of that so she applied for the scholarship.

When the Times had her come in to meet with them and share her story she recounts how there was a tray of donuts in the waiting area. Starving (still homeless) Liz asked if she could have one. The woman told her she could have all of them as they’d been just sitting there all day uneaten. Liz grabbed the entire plate of donuts and carried it into the interview room with her! There was a box of tissue sitting on the table in the interview room from other interviewees who had gotten emotional telling about their obstacles they had overcome. Liz grabbed the tissues, not to cry, but to use them to wrap her donuts up so she could take them in her bag.

Liz was awarded the scholarship and her essay was shared in the New York Times. (You can imagine the surprise of that High School teacher who had encouraged her when he learned reading the story that Liz had been homeless this entire time). She went on to go to Harvard and today she is married with two children of her own and working at a non-profit in New York. Her lifetime story has been written in a book and made into a movie.

Liz doesn’t look back at her life or her experiences and feel bitter. She has chosen to be better, not bitter. She focuses on being grateful that her parents loved her to the extent they were capable of, she focuses on being grateful for all of the people who have shown her kindness over the years, she focuses on being grateful for her health and her mind, she focuses on being grateful for all the blessings in her life…."

I’m grateful that I was blessed with the opportunity to hear Liz’s story. She chose to become better, not bitter and that is the reason why I told you her story. After I read that story, I thought of people who literally died a slow death including my father's sister Emma who died young from drinking too much and that is why we are so blessed to have the word of wisdom. You never know if you are that person who is susceptible to addiction so never, ever get curious to start a bad habit of drinking, smoking or taking drugs. 

When you are resilient you can do anything! 

Con amor,

Vero 

The Straight A's in a Marriage

I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine and were able to go out celebrating last weekend or extended it to the long weekend for Presidents Day. Valentines should be celebrated everyday anyway.

 Sister Bowen came up with “The Straight A’s in Marriage” but before I learned about her straight A’s I also remember a marriage class I took were the teacher also told us of the three A’s to avoid at all costs that will kill a marriage. They are: Abuse, addiction and affairs. 

The straight A’s of Marriage

By Lynnette Bowen

Approach your marriage with the attitude that “ours is the greatest”

Adhere to gospel teachings

Asses your marriage often

Appreciate things our spouse does for you

Allow yourself to laugh

Analyze your sweetheart’s feelings

Agree on important issues

Astonish your spouse with your devotion

Admire your partner

Adapt your lifestyle to your income

Allow yourself to keep falling in love

Attend the temple often

Amaze your sweetheart with your Attention and Affection

Admit when you are wrong of have made mistakes

Automatically forgive

Avoid all flirtations

Accompany each other on dates

Accept your responsibility in your partnership

Accentuate the positive attributes of your spouse

Affirm your love daily

Accept your sweetheart for the person he or she is

Access the healing and enabling power of the atonement of Jesus Christ

Con amor,

Vero

Feeling a little home sick

I grew up in El Salvador and moved to the United States when I was 18. I lived most of my grown -up years, over 30 years in Utah, except for 3 years in Tucson Arizona. 

In 2010 I moved to the Dominican Republic and in 2015 I moved to the Philippines where I am currently residing. People often say to me: “You are homeless, you don’t have a home to come to in Utah.” True, not in Utah because I consider my home anywhere my husband and I are living so my home now is in the Philippines. 

We went to a beautiful volcano resort last weekend and thought of El Salvador because I used to love hiking the San Salvador volcano. We have five volcanos in El Salvador. 

This month in February, El Salvador elected a new President and for the first time in years I didn’t travel over- seas to vote. My mom and sisters both went. I do hope and pray that this time the President elect will do what he promised and take care of the poor and the needy. 

El Salvador will always have a special place in my heart but I have to admit, I am more devoted to my adoptive country, The United States of America. 

I think of what I would be doing if I were in the U.S. Today, for instance I would be doing something special to celebrate the President's day holiday or at least I would be reading quotes from those wonderful Presidents. 

 e.g. This quote comes from my favorite President ever, George Washington. 

"I had rather be on my farm than an emperor of the world" 


 


Con amor,

Vero

The last supper with our medical missionaries.

In the brilliant words of Dr. Seuss: 
“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”

Today I invited the Skinners and the Stinchfields who are two of the medical missionary couples who are finishing their mission. They are so amazing and I we will sure miss them! The only problem is that I forgot to take a picture. We prepared a South of the border meal Enchiladas, tamales, rice, beans and salads. I made my famous pico de gallo and chia drink too. They brought the dessert! It was to die for! 

 Missionaries would call Elder (Doc.) Skinner for anything. He is a brilliant E R doctor. He could tell you over the phone what to do by just asking questions. The other couple have been helping with the Dental Clinic. The Filipinos are so lucky to have a dental clinic for its missionaries. What a blessing! 

 As you head into a fabulous President’s Day Holiday tomorrow I wanted to remind everyone to not let a single moment get away from you.  Life is short and there is so much to do and enjoy!  Make tomorrow one that is full of time with loved ones and friends and laughter and fun!  If you decide to do that now, before Monday begins, then you will most likely have a fabulous time!  But if you wait and don’t make any plans you can so easily have the day pass you by without having made any great memories.  Don’t let that happen.

Sometimes I get so caught up in feeling like I can’t waste any time that I forget to remember that “Time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time!”  There is nothing wrong with having fun and kicking back with your family and friends.  We can’t become so busy being busy that we miss the joy of the world around us.

Make time to hug your kids or to help a friend or to create a great memory.  Once this Holiday is gone you can never have it back again, so don’t waste it.  Enjoy it!

Con amor,

Vero

Get up and dance!

Nothing can lift the spirits of a crowd faster than great music and having people get up and dance! The moment the upbeat music starts the women couldn’t help but start moving first their heads to the music and the next thing you know they were all out on the dance floor including the men. It is amazing how a little fun music and a willingness to get on our feet and dance can take all the stresses of your day and melt them completely away. Music can be such a powerful tool for changing your mood but only if you are willing to set your inhibitions aside and leave your shyness at the door and get up and move! 

I keep telling myself, life is too short to be one of those people just watching the dance party from the distance. (that was us because Daniel was too tired to dance and it didn’t help that no one in our table danced either) I kept thinking, honey, you need to get up and join in the fun. Never be the one of those people who sit worry about how silly they will look as you dance. And worry about what other people might think who are watching you. I promise that the only people who judge your dancing are those who were too scared to get out there and dance because those who are dancing on the dance floor are too busy having a good time and too busy being Happy that they don’t have the time to criticized anyone else. I rest my case!

 Each year, the Saturday before Presidents day, the American Association of the Philippines holds their annual Charity Ball diner and silent auction. During the evening the program always includes good music, dancing and an awards ceremony. The Association gives awards to people in the community who have created wonderful foundations to help the poor and the needy. 

Today their special guest was Arnel Pineda.

 Arnel Pineda has a foundation to help street children. He is a Filipino singer and songwriter. He became famous internationally when he joined the American rock band Journey as their lead vocalist. What was great to see is how Arnel Pineda remains humble and unassuming despite his success. He always expresses gratitude for his mother who supported his musical talent but passed away when he was a young man and never saw him performed. As a homeless person, he was fortunate to find someone who gave him a place to live under the steps of his house. He was invited as one of the special guests who received an award. He also performed a few songs with some other singers including a cameo appearance by one of the lead singers of the soul music group The Temptations, performing “My Girl.” 

There were other dignitaries who also received awards: 

The U.S. Ambassador to the Philippines. Sung Kim who is Korean American

 Dr. Michael Tolentino, founder of the Asian Eye Institute,  

Kevin L. Tan, Chief executive officer of Alliance Global group (AGI) 

Sam Verdosa, Jr. and RS Francisco founders of FRONTROW an entertainment business responsible for many events including the Miss America pageant. 

We have attended this event every February since 2016 and with the exception of today, every year we have danced because it simply gets better and better! What a fun Par-tay and one I look forward to every year! 

Con amor,

Vero

No one has a mother like mine!

As a young girl, my mom was popular, a dancing queen and the life of the party because no matter where she went, she always managed to shine!  

No one has a mother like mine.

My mom is truly the most sociable person I have ever known. She can walk into a room full of strangers and make friends just like that, every time! 

No one has a mother like mine.

My mother is a strong woman. She used whatever resources she had to help women get out of abusive situations and become self-reliant. She offered them a home and basically became their mentor and lifeline. 

No one has a mother like mine. 

My mother was a working woman, wore make up, high heels and a business suit every day even on Saturdays when she was very tired just so she wouldn’t miss a deadline. 

No one has a mother like mine!

My mother is a woman of faith and knows every story found in the Bible. She loves Jesus and is so thankful for His atonement. My mother gives the most wonderful prayers at dinnertime and bedtime!

No one has a mother like mine.

My mother has a positive outlook in life. She had open heart surgery and foot surgery twice and both times never complained of any pain. Her hospital chart always looked the same showing a happy face to say "I doing just fine!"  

No one has a mother like mine.

My mother has experienced trials and sad moments in her life. Here is a woman who knows the pain of delivering a stillborn child but kept her chin up and gave it some time. 

No one has a mother like mine. 

What I have learned from her is that complaining never solves anything. Life should be kept in proper perspective. Because the truth is that even in the darkest days, eventually there will come new days of sunshine!

No one has a mother like mine. 

How lucky I am to have a mother who reminds me every day of the beauty in the world around us and all the blessings we are so thankful for. We all need friends like my mom who are so kind! 

No one has a mother like mine. 

I salute my mother on her 79th birthday who was born the day after Valentine’s. A truly genuine woman and sublime by divine design! 

No one has a mother like mine. 

Happy Valentine's Day

To all our children and grandchildren wherever you may be, I am sending my love to you on this special day. 

Here is a note written by Cristi Dame a few years ago and is exactly what I would be saying to you so I have stolen her words because it’s like if she took the words out of my mouth. 

“To my Littles,

Today is Valentine’s Day. The day of love.

You are asleep in your beds as I sit here and reflect upon this day and what love means to me. 

I feel it when I look into your little faces- my heart just bursts with love. The kind of selfless love where I would do anything to just see you happy. The kind of love that allows me to look past any imperfections and see the pureness of your hearts.

 This is how our Heavenly Father sees and feels about us. He sees into our hearts. He sees our potential. He isn’t selective of who he loves or how much.

The adversary wants you to see the opposite of what our Father in Heaven sees. Don’t buy into it. Push aside his noisy ramblings and choose love.

This week we art journaled with the young women of our church. I asked everyone to write something down on a word bubble that was a negative thought or belief that Satan tries to make us believe about ourselves. It could be anything like “I am not good enough” or “I’m not smart enough” or “I am not worthy of love.” He uses that feeling of “never measuring up” to get us on a path of discouragement. 

 The next prompt was to think of the Savior and his unconditional love. What does his love feel like? What does it look like? What does is sound like? He doesn’t care that I wear my “pjs” longer than most or haven’t showered in days or that my laundry piles have been sitting unfolded for days. He loves us just the way we are. 

He loves us… unconditionally. Do you know what that means? That means there are no conditions. He doesn’t love us only if we are good. He loves us ALL the time. Then everyone was to cover up those lies that Satan tells us with the truth and love of Christ and our Heavenly Father.

Big donut- I was so impressed with how you got this concept. You were so diligent and here was your finished project. If there ever comes a time where you doubt the love that your Heavenly Father or I have for you- I want you to tell yourself, “I choose love.” You choose to love yourself and accept the love from others- especially our Heavenly Father and our Savior.

I love all three of you and any others that may one day come into our home. I love you so much.”

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Con amor,
Vero

Favorite date ideas

This Valentines is on a Thursday so we are going to the temple that day but on Saturday we are going to a charity ball to dine and dance the night away. Yay! 

In case you haven’t decided what to do this Valentines, I got a few ideas I have done or will do eventually one of these days and I keep adding to the list every year. 

Examples:

*Alphabet date: Pick a letter in the alphabet and do anything relating to that letter! For example if you pick the letter “J” Here are the examples of what to do: Rent a Jacuzzi,, eat a Jimmy Johns, Watch a James Bond movie, drink Jones soda and snack on Jr. mints.

* A weekend - get-away at a nice Resort

* A nice walk on the beach

*A picnic, a blanket and a drink while watching the sunset 

* A day at a theme park in Orlando 

* At county fair to look at so many exhibits

* Ballroom dancing dinner and show

*Bryce Canyon in the fall. Take a Telescope and hiking shoes and water

*Campfire picnic in the mountains

*Cooking together and watching a movie is just as fun

* Clean Comedy club (in downtown Provo)

* Dinner and concert of our favorite singer or band

* Dinner and the symphony, a play, ballet or opera

*Drive up the canyon to see fall foliage then play in a hot –springs

* Doing sealings at the temple Dinner to follow

* Get a house by a lake and go paddle boating or kayaking

* Going bowling

* Going to a Rodeo

* Go get pampered at a nice spa to get a massage, facial, pedi and mani. 

*  Hiking in the morning, dinner and playing games in the afternoon and dancing

*NASCAR race

* Pack a suitcase and kidnap your husband or wife to an undisclosed location 

* Playing board card games with another couple 

*Picnic at a park 

* Pottery painting class

* Rent a house boat on Lake Powel with other couples and have a blast

* Read something together e.g. “The Prospering Power of Love”, " Love is a choice" etc.

* Run a marathon together

* Salsa dancing lessons  or cooking an amazing dinner together follow by dancing 

* Ski or snowshoe during the day and out for dinner at night

My favorite is salsa dancing!

Con amor,
Vero

A formula for Love when it's not easy

Today I'm sharing Bianca's thoughts on marriage and love  "I was newly married, my husband and I took a marriage class offered by one of our church leaders for a few weeks. I was only about 21 years old at the time, so I honestly don’t remember everything about the class; but I’ll never forget how in one of the lessons, the teacher took a big black marker and on the white board he wrote, “service + sacrifice = love.” This little equation has been tried and tested throughout the years, and I’ve come to learn that it’s true!

I first noticed this in the preschool where I worked when we lived in the Bronx. It was a school for children with developmental disabilities, and some of the kids in the school were extremely challenging and required constant one-on-one attention and redirection. I was always surprised that at the end of the school year, the teachers and their assistants were often devastated to see the more challenging children graduate from our school. I was confused at first and shocked by their responses. I wondered how they weren’t relieved (…because I have to admit, I may have felt a little relieved myself). Somehow, gradually and almost imperceptibly, the teachers grew to love the children in their classrooms– but how?!

Then these little words came to my mind… “service + sacrifice = love.” 

Oh, of course! These teachers had worked tirelessly with these kids the entire school year. They had served and sacrificed six hours a day for 10 months with them; and somehow, that combination of service and sacrifice equaled love.

I found the same thing happened in my church calling. For those unfamiliar with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the programs offered on Sunday are lead by members of the congregation. So, rather than having paid clergy, everyone volunteers their time to serve in a calling, such as teaching children in primary, or working with the youth, etc. For many years, I’ve worked with the teenage girls in my church callings, known also as the “Young Women.” When we lived in New York, since I didn’t have children at the time, I dedicated my whole heart to this calling as a leader over these young ladies. I spent time with the girls in their homes, and invited them into mine, and took them out for lunch to get to know them individually; and once again, gradually and almost imperceptibly, I grew to love them as if they were truly my little sisters.  Ha, actually, to this day they will not call me by my first name; I am “Sister Merkley,” and I am honored to be called such.

It’s been several years since I’ve had the privilege to serve with them, but we still stay in contact and get together when possible. I really believe that it was because of the time, the service and the sacrifice spent with these young women that I grew to love them so deeply and I’m extremely grateful to have had the opportunity during that time in my life. It was not an easy calling by any means, but it stretched my heart to capacities that I hadn’t even known possible up until that point; so regardless of the challenges, the reward of love that I felt made it all worth it.

Then a few years later, I gave birth to my first child. Wow. As mentioned in previous posts, I went into preterm labor, so the “baby phase” with my little Ruby lasted about three months longer than usual since she came so early. This meant that I didn’t get to see her smile or coo back at me for almost 4 months. She also had a lot of tummy troubles and acid reflux, so she cried a lot. I remember describing this to my sister and it dawned on me that I had been giving, giving, giving and it was exhausting to not receive any kind of feedback for it. No smiles, coos, giggles– just poop, lots of crying and stress over feedings, which involved bottles, pumps and nipple shields. I would wake up during the night to nurse, bottle feed and then put her to bed so that I could go pump, and by the time I went back to bed, I only had an hour before I’d need to wake up again to feed her. This meant that many nights in the first few months, I would only get 3 hours of sleep, and not consecutively. I’ll never forget the first night I slept for three hours in a row, I felt like a new woman! Anyway, I don’t describe this to complain or sound ungrateful, but just to illustrate my point. When Ruby first started to smile. I wrote this in an Instagram post about it:

“This babe just started smiling a few days ago and I have to admit, it brought me so much joy! Going three and a half months without really seeing her smile was so much harder than I ever imagined. I feel like I’m learning so much about love…true love. The kind of love that doesn’t keep score, that gives without receiving and that requires endless amounts of service and sacrifice. This kind of Love is truly Divine. It’s heart wrenching and exhausting and beautiful. I feel honored to be on this journey that allows me to learn such beautiful things.”

Several weeks after I posted that, Norah came to our family and I felt once again my heart swell, and stretch and grow as I sacrificed even more to care for another little one. Up until this point in my life, I had never before given quite so much of myself– physically, emotionally and even spiritually, as I had given during my first year with Ruby and Norah. Someone in church read a quote that struck me as a beautiful way to describe this sacrifice.

“So it is that real, personal sacrifice never was placing an animal on the alter. Instead, it is a willingness to put the animal in us upon the alter and letting it be consumed!…for the denial of self precedes the full acceptance of Him.” –Elder Neal S Maxwell

This to me described my life’s journey. My journey toward motherhood was really just my journey toward love— learning to love as God himself loves. I realize this love can be learned through a variety of experiences, and I believe it goes beyond motherhood in the way we think and define it. There are many women and men who never have biological children for one reason or another, and this doesn’t exclude them in any way from obtaining this divine love. So I hesitate to put motherhood on this pedestal and make it appear to be the only way that one ever really learns to love, because that’s not true. I do believe, however, that we are blessed with families and relationships of all kind for the simple reason that they have the potential to teach us this kind of love. The love of God is defined in the Book of Mormon as the most joyous to the soul and the most desirable above all (1 Nephi 11: 21-23). I truly believe that that is what we are all ultimately seeking– to love, and to be loved.

Brene Brown said it this way in one of her blog posts about love:

“Love will never be certain, but after collecting thousands of stories, I’m willing to call this a fact: A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all men, women, and children. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When these needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We grow numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick. There are certainly other causes of illness, numbness, and hurt, but the absence of love and belonging will always lead to suffering.”

I hope so much that my children grow up knowing and feeling that they are loved and that they are worthy of love and belonging. This month as we focus specifically on having love for children, I am personally focusing on being more present with my two baby girls. I am also going to take time to play with each of them individually, which is something that I haven’t really done very much of up to this point. I’m excited to see what this month continues to bring.

Also, if you have any of your own experiences with love this month, feel free to share! Do you find it hard to love children? I’m curious to know how you personally learn to love, even when it’s not easy. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences about this. In the meantime, here’s to living to love!

Update to this post: So guess what?? This week I found myself serving someone that I felt anger towards. I wanted to love them, but felt it was not coming easily. Interestingly though, after I did something kind for this particular person…guess what?! They just went right on being the rude person that they often are. (Gasp!) I know, right?! I was shocked!

Then this subtle thought came into my mind… “Service + Sacrifice = Love,” does not mean that you can win someone over so that they love you…it is so that you can in tern love them, DESPITE how they may or may not treat you. (Ugh.) So this whole formula thing…yeah, it doesn’t work on people, rather it works in you. I just thought it might be good to clarify that. Anyone else have any experiences with this??

Bianca 

Love is in the Air

I can’t believe it’s almost VALENTINES!!!

Today we had a fun Family Home Evening with the senior Missionary couples. We all sent pictures of our wedding day to guess who was who and then we played the Newly Wed Game. I’ve learned that my definition of love changes and develops every single day.  Nine years ago, when Daniel and I were dating, love was when he would surprise me with flowers, or take me out on a fun date. Love was when he would put time and effort into planning our time together. Whether we went to a play, movie or eat at a nice restaurant or to visit with friends and family. Love was when he verbally told me he loved me. Love was all the big things.

Now that we have been married for nine years I see love very differently. Love is when he makes conscious efforts to change his lifetime of habitual routines (i.e. Eating more salads and vegetables because I am not a meat eater like him. Love is washing the dishes after dinner. Love is putting a load of wash and folding the dry clothes so neatly like only Daniel can. Love is helping make our bed every single morning. Love is taking the garbage out etc.  Love is when he thinks twice and waits until he gets home to plan our next vacation because he knows I’ll want the final say on where we should go. Love is when he wakes up early to fix breakfast because he knows I need a break from cooking.  Love is when he has the courage to tell me if I’m in the wrong, and gently reminds me to apologize to others. Love is when he lets me rant about my problems and just listens rather than trying to fix them.

Granted, we’ve only been married for 9 years, not 39 like most of our peers but for some love comes later in life and for some does not even come at all in this life. I say this because I have dear friends my age who are still single so I don’t take for granted the miracle of finding each other. The point I am trying to make is that love is a verb and only time will tell if you really loved someone and vise- versa.

The definition of love can never be fully understood at one moment in time…the definition of love grows through a lifetime of moments, experiences, trials, failures, and successes.  And its only after we’ve experienced those things we will know if we passed the test of time. Bottom line, loving someone simple means you would want to grow old together and when you or your spouse dies, you know that you will wait for each other on the other side of the vail. 

One person that comes to mind of someone who truly loved his wife so much was Elder Scott. He was in my old Mount Olympus 4^thward and often spoke in Church. He was so close to his wife even after years as a widower. On one of his talks to the young single adults he said: “In a potential spouse we should look for essential attributes that bring happiness: a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home.” I think that each one of those missionary couples who were there today definitely made a good choice back then. One couple in the room got married in 1962 and their marriage is as strong as ever! They asked the couples there: “How long has it been since you have taken the time to look at your Love, with love in your eyes and then have given them the most sweetly intense and passionate kiss? You don't have to answer here. I just wanted to inspire some of you.

I know that I have only scratched the very surface of the definition of love, and there is only more to come with time. When Bianca was newly-married, she took a marriage class. She was only 21 at the time and still remembers when the teacher took a big black marker and wrote: “Service + sacrifice = Love” I believe that to be true. I’m grateful for a husband who constantly teaches me what love is, and who loves me enough to support me in all my crazy life endeavors. 

I am grateful for my amazing family that keeps growing! I love you all with all my heart and wish you all much happiness. Whether it’s from a spouse, sibling, friend, or parent, try to learn and grow your definition of love just a little bit more each day. Remember the equation: service + sacrifice = Love. Once again, Daniel is willing to sacrifice this coming Saturday to take me dancing only because he knows how much I love to dance. Conversely, I am willing to watch an action movie with him. 

With all my love,

Vero