Broken Families

Dramatic moments like this happens only in the movies, I thought, not to a nice Mormon women like me. So great was my disbelief that in the beginning I didn't mentioned it to a soul including my three daughters: The two oldest were married, one had just gotten married two months earlier and that is why we decided to postponed our separation. It was hard planning a wedding as it was without having to worry about our own situation.

 Divorce in today’s society no longer is shocking but it is still a surprise when two Mormons who had been sealed in the temple end a long and seemingly happy marriage. We make some very distinct and serious promises when we get married in the temple for all time and eternity.  This is not to be taken lightly because when you make sacred covenants in the temple, serious consequences follow if you don’t do your part and this is what makes a temple marriage annulment even more tragic.

 Our youngest was going to Junior High at the time and as hard as we tried to pretend we were still together she could sense the tension. For example, on Sundays we would get up to go to the Church but Brent for no rhyme or reason one day refused to join us claiming that he would rather go skiing when it was a snowy day or hiking when it was good weather.

It all started when my brother in law passed away around Easter. Bruce took it very hard and became very depressed. He decided to go on a trip and after he got back he was never the same.  I was trying so hard to hold on to my twenty something marriage just for our daughters. I didn't care about me. I only wanted the best outcome for our girls. I worried about our youngest sweet child Mindy at age fourteen who had written a letter that broke my heart. This is what she wrote five months earlier:

Broken Families A letter to myself Mindy Vanderloo

“School is now over, the bell of freedom rings. I’m overwhelmed with homework and a bunch of other things. Mama picks me up and dad drops me off, I usually barley make to class on time. Its only because, you both want your “alone time”

When I come home my daddy isn’t back yet. I watch my mom go in her room to pray.  I stand by the door, and listen away; I can hear her voice crack as she cries. (You know the worse thing you ever hear, is the tears of you mother.) I think of flash backs, of my childhood. I remember the things I would do. I had a perfect life; I went to Church on Sundays with my mom dad and sisters. I didn’t care anyways. I thought life was just game.

Then things started to fall into shame. Family members were starting to die. I could tell how upset my father was. Later on, I noticed he had changed. He stopped going to Church, and became selfish and in love with himself. That’s when my momma was never the same.

She would cry a little a day. I knew something was wrong. I’m not that lame. I am not as stupid as you think. I could tell something was wrong before you could blink. There is only one thing I don’t understand.  What went wrong and why is my life turning up side down?

My mom and I are driving in the car to the store. She gets quiet.  She has been doing that a lot lately. She turns around and asks me these hard questions. She gives me a choice I don’t want. I want a family that doesn’t break. I want my daddy to be the same. I can’t stand it when my mom gives me that look, the look of confusion, and suffering too.

She is unhappy; she wants my dad to go. But she also wants what’s best for. She starts crying, I try to hold it in. It’s hard to have a family that can last without breaking cause this world has changed, and rougher than old times. It is so sharp; it could even tear families.

That is what it did to my family too long ago. So now I am left with a decision of my own. Weather I want my happy mom, or an unhappy mom with dad. Either way it’s a broken family.

I wish sometimes that I could not have any. I wish that I could live on my own. Away from this harsh world that holds broken families. It carries broken hearts that break everyday. It carries broken dreams that ruin a person. That’s kind of what happened to my dad. It also carries crimes and lots of sins. My only wish is to live away from this.

I want to be a hero, or maybe on a humble ranch. I want to be that pretty girl. I want to be that smart and have talents girl. But everyday I get tossed and turned. This world I live in is starting to burn. But sometimes my parents act like I don’t know, but I found out long ago. I am not as stupid as you think. I could tell something was wrong before you could blink.  There is only one thing I don’t understand. What went wrong and why is my life turning up side down?”

I wanted so much to restore some of that childhood memory we had disrupted but it was too late now. The divorce process was in full force.  Day by day from the start of the new year we were becoming more like roommates than a married couple so much that six months earlier in April I woke up with a severe pain, I thought I was going to die so I got up, saw Bruce sleeping and didn’t dare wake him up. I got in the car and drove myself to the emergency room at the nearest hospital. Next thing I knew they were operating on me taking out my gad bladder.