It was the worst of times

Right before I had my gad bladder removed I was in denial trying so hard to save my marriage.  Brent had not moved out yet for the sake of our daughter who was planning her wedding.  I felt that I needed to keep things the same way in hopes that he might come to his senses. I was trying so hard in keeping the appearances. “Victoria, please stop divorce busting, don’t you get it? Insanity is when you try to do the same thing again and again getting the same result hoping for it to be different.” He would tell me but I refuse to give up.

I was opening the mail one day when I came across a letter from one of the banks, at first I thought it was some other solicitation because it was a bank I didn’t recognized but before throwing it away I opened it and in it I saw that there had been a money transferred made from a bank account that Brent had just opened to send money to a woman. This was an account I didn’t know existed.

I had a sickening feeling because it was a substantial amount of money sent to to a person I dint know and I figured that probably Brent had been a victim of a scam. I remember that my body was literally shaking. I felt sick as if the room was moving all around me. It was as if I had discovered something terrible.

I trusted Brent with my eyes shut so I called him immediately and asked: Honey, sweetheart, can you tell me who this woman is that you are sending all this money to? He then accused me of hiring some detective or something so I explained that I was just reading from a paper that came to our home from a bank. He then told me that he would come home and explain everything.

I knew there had to be a good explanation for the money transferred, I didn’t want to think of the worst. He came in the house and sat at the dining table to just tell me that the money was sent to help this woman’s mother get operated because they were very poor and needed the money. He was going to let me know but had forgotten all about it. This was not unusual. We had always been generous with our money and at various times people would asked of us to help them out and we did.  Brent and I had helped people before when they had come to us for money. So I believed him.

He then left the house but what he didn’t tell me is that he was on his way to pick this woman at the airport. She was coming into town because I had to be going to San Diego the next day for a Consulate meeting. Brent had been invited to go as well but he obviously had other plans. She was here in town with him while I was gone. I never knew about this until much later.

 Around Christmas time I remember asking Brent a question: “Is there, another woman? “Absolutely not” he said looking at me straight in the eye so I felt bad for having those bad thoughts of him whom I trusted. Brent was someone who always told the truth. He said he “just wasn’t happy”

I always had been under the impression that each person was responsible for his or her own happiness so naturally I was confused. I asked? Do you realize how many men in this world would give a million dollars for a home and family like yours? How can you throw it all away? He didn’t answer and stormed out of the house. I went out to talk to him but he was furious and looked possessed when he yelled: “go to hell” “You don’t have me and you never will.” so I grabbed his face and got his glasses and broke them and threw them away. I was so hurt and so mad I could have killed him if I had a gun with me because that felt as if he had stubbed my heart. How can he be that mean?

He had just received a call and was outside talking on the phone with someone he didn’t want me to know. When he came back into the house I came back to my senses and felt bad for breaking his glasses so I got on my knees which is the most humiliating thing I have ever done in my life. I swallowed my pride looked up at him and begged him to reconsider. But he got upset at me and simply said: “Victoria, I am sorry, I love you but I am not in love with you and I can’t be with a woman that I don’t love.” I thought, am I like some dog that you love but you are not in love with your pet. I couldn’t understand what he meant other than he loved me like a sister not as his wife.

That explains why on valentines I wanted so bad to be with Brent that day that so had spent all day preparing for this moment looking like a million dollars, with a new hair cut, manicure and pedicure dressed up like some Cleopatra but no response so I asked: What’s the matter? He then replied, “your hands, you got alligator hands. I feel like I’m in bed with my grandmother… I don’t feel attracted to you and I am sorry I can’t console you.” Turned his back on me and became silent.

Fast forward, I remember staying alone at The Hotel del Coronado in San Diego where we had spent our honeymoon. I had wanted to come back there again for our anniversary. I had hoped that he would want to come with me but he refused saying he had too much work. It was so painful for me to remember the enjoyment of his touch and warmth at happier times that no longer existed. I kneeled on the floor crying with intensive pleading and imploring to the Lord for mercy on our family. I was praying so hard for a miracle.

My eyes and head were hurting from crying for hours. It was three in the morning when finally, out of complete exhaustion got to sleep on the floor. All this time I didn’t even know he was with another woman.  The truth is that they had been together in every business trip he had taken for the past year and whenever I went away, she would be in town.

He had been spending thousands of dollars on her and her family. Some time later he discovers that she is a con artist and all she wanted was his money. This woman even got a breast transplant, all courtesy from us and was spending all she could from what Brent thought it went to pay bills for needy family members. The story about her mother needed an operation was a lie.

Brent finally admitted to his absurd affair with her because he felt flattered that a twenty-three year old woman would like a forty -five year old guy like him but nevertheless the damage was done and Brent was never the same. All of his troubles started the minute they met and he fell on her trap. He would do whatever it took to be with her even when he knew it was wrong. She finally decided to tell him the truth and wanted nothing to do with him, Angela who my ex refers to as “my sweet angel” had already taken all of what she could possible take from him and discarded him out of her life like an unscrupulous coward the minute she found out that I knew of them.